Friday, April 18th was Uju’s birthday. Her boyfriend got us VIP passes at Heritage Lounge in D.C. I went there with my buddy. Funmi went with Ibukun. Wait, lemme talk about my buddy for a second.
I was gonna call him Mr. Perfect Teeth because he has perfect teeth. I kid you not. He has the kind of teeth you would use in a commercial for braces. His teeth would represent the ‘after’ shot(s). His teeth will show you how good your teeth could look after using braces. The lucky guy never even wore braces! But then I decided not to call him Mr. Perfect Teeth because he is also a fine boy, so maybe I should call him Mr. Fine Boy. However, I could call him Mr. Gorgeous Smile because his smile is gorgeous. He has that Colgate smile. You know the one I’m talking about. I’m talking about that kind of smile that makes you smile when nothing is funny. You just smile because you see a smile. I could also call him Mr. Generous. Giving seems to come very easily for him. And he always does it with a smile on his face. What about Mr. Well Groomed? His hair is cut low and very neat. He has just the right amount of facial hair. Enough hair to tickle you, but not enough to prick you like little needles – not that I have experienced it. *coughs*
I can actually call him Mr. Bangin Body. Yeah, he’s got a beautiful body. His muscles are not over the top; they’re just perfect. His arms tell you he spends some time lifting things (or people), and the six quadrants on his stomach tell a story of their own. And he’s also Mr. Thoughtful. He wants what he wants, but he is not selfish. He likes what he likes, but he’ll gladly do what you like – even though he doesn’t like it. He’s Mr. Sexy. A good-smelling man is a wonderful man. A man who looks as good as he smells is a WONDERFULER man. He is Mr. Good Dresser. He always dresses the part; you don’t have to worry about him showing up wearing the wrong thing at the wrong time.
After considering the different names my buddy could bear, I finally decided on one name: Mr. Total Package. I need not explain this one. He’s got the total package.
…But uhm, this post is about Uju *rolling eyes*. Anyway, the event @ Heritage Lounge was being hosted by a Ghanaian. That has to be the only logical explanation for why they played Ghanaian music all thru. No Yahoozee, no P-Square, no Timaya. I vexed oo. (Actually, they played ‘Yahoozee’ & ‘Do Me’ once, but that was b4 we came in, so that doesn’t count!) They coulda @ least played some Makosa. To top it off, they now had a Ghanaian celebrity. We (the Naija people) had no clue who he was, but as we later found out, he was a rapper. See the way chics were running to take pictures with the dude ehn? Nawa o. Celebrity status no bad @ all sha.
Uju was drunk, or maybe just tipsy. Whatever it was, I know she was not herself. She was dancing with her eyes closed and laughing unnecessarily. Unfortunately, we didn’t take pictures. I had my camera, but everyone (except me) was too busy being naughty. When Mr. Total Package asked me what I wanted to drink, I ordered a Bone Crusher (Maybe it’s spelt ‘Krusher’). I had never heard about this drink before. I only ordered it because Uju said I should. The thing tasted like pure alcohol. I might have as well been sipping from a bottle of rubbing alcohol. I only drank about a quarter of it. Uju drank the rest (in addition to the one she had before). The chic was very happy ooo..
It wasn’t a bad event anyway. I’m hoping I don’t appear in anyone’s pictures coz you know I’m an anonymous writer, lol. After the event, Uju left with her boyfriend. Can you believe the chic put her head out of the window of the moving car and was screaming her lungs out at three in the morning? I don’t know bout you, but that definitely spells DRUNK to me. Kai, I wish I had taken pictures. Funmi & Ibukun went their way. Mr. Total Package and I went our way – to wherever hot men and anonymous writers go to.
I didn’t sleep till past 8 in the morning. You shoulda seen my face. I looked like I had been hit by a bus. A puffy face is definitely not my best look.
Oya BBF, whisper into my ears….give me the low down…
hmm
where exactly did you go to ?
and u didnt sleep till 8am?
pleaseeeee gimme details . lollll
Vera…
I’m now constrained to suspect you as a ‘good girl ‘ oooh b/cs good girls sleep early and there eyes are neva puffy at 8am usually
Mr Total Package, r Colgate Smile, Mr Gorgeous Smile, Mr Perfect Teeth…..Chei! Vera is in louuve…..
Vera, abeg leave me make I drink water with dis ya per second update calls. I dey rest small jo. Na d same thing wey happen to u btw dec and april dey happen to me too. When I snap outof it, will let u know. (smile)
CALABAR GAL
TMINX: LOL. Which kin details una come want again? LOL. No details now. That’s the end of the story. If an update comes, you can trust that I shall update everyone. Hahaha.
Sting: Yeah, he’s definitely my buddy. I just like 2 appreciate the handwork of God. And I could see that God took some extra time 2 work on him. I just felt compelled to acknowledge it.
Darkelcee: All of una get bad mind o! I went home, of course! LOL. Why is everyone suspecting me? I don’t like it oh. I am a good girl. In fact, when I went home that night, I began a prayer vigil. That’s my story and I’m sticking 2 it.
Nuggetz4Life: LOL. Haba, haba. My dear, I’m still a very, very good girl. But I am the remix. My eyes were puffy coz I didn’t get much sleep. I didn’t get much sleep because — well, because I was awake. And I was awake because sleep didn’t catch me. I dunno why sleep didn’t catch me.
Calabar Gal: LOL. Vera is in love? Didn’t you read where I said Mr. Total Package is my buddy? In short, he’s my brother in the Lord sef. 🙂 But make you hurry up and snap out of this ya whatever-it-is oh!
I went clubbing the other night and didnt know how badly drunk I was …well till I came outside and was feeling hot and suffocating only to glance around and see that people were wearing coats and scarfs so it had to be fing cold…
I felt like I was in naija…
the real question is: where do hot men and anonymous writers go?
so I can find one hot man and go too…lol!
oya confess, wat did u do with total package? talk osiso…lol
so are u guys buddies as in “buddies”
gurl, is that ur real no on ur page?
oya am calling u now…lol
Afrobabe: LOL. I’ve never been drunk sha. I’m too scared abeg. I don’t wanna do something I shouldn’t be. But ehm, I didn’t go anywhere ooo! We had a prayer vigil, that’s all.
Bumight: My dear, you will have to come along to find out where hot men and anonymous writers go to. I cannot reveal it. I have been sworn to secrecy.
SoupaSexy: LOL. Did you call me yet? You probably got voicemail abi? Leave a message & I’ll call you back. LOL. No, really, if you leave a message, I’ll call you back. All I did with Mr. Total Package was pray. We did a night vigil. What does buddies as in “buddies” mean? LOL.
Vera, are you sure your true wish is to remain just buddies? 😉
wait o! vera calls everyone buddy at first. even when she had oscar, she called him buddy for a minute b4 she could get herself to call him oscar. heck, she called me buddy too at some point. by the way i wanted to ask was he casting “lil demons” out of u or u were casting “big demons” out of him.
vera, i dey come ur hood o. its been almost a year now.
Azuka: Yes, Azuka, I am sure. Which kin yeye question be that sef? You go wound ooo!
Chief: I dunno what you mean by that your demon comment o! Na only you wey understand. And like I said, he’s definitely my buddy.
so instead of updating your other blog, u r drinking bone crushers all over the place….
tsk tsk tsk
ehn, ehn, sooo… was dat vigil in spirit or in buddy. Confession iz good 4 d soul o!
haha c all these curious monkeys , this article is qbout UJU so focus . The buddy will prolly always remain a buddy unless this mumu uses otumokpo to seal d deal hehe. Uju was not drunk just enjoying her bday and i was saying gnite to u guys monkey asses hehe. anyways u r expanding bobos head is he really all u say he is? well i guess in d eyes of d beholder …………
Ms. Catwalq: No be like that oh, ehn. It’s not what it seems like; I can explain. LOL. But uhm, I’m currently working on an article; I’ll put it up ASAP.
Ibilola: LOL. It was ehm… in the spirit, of course! I don confess everything wey I get to confess. Stop insinuating stuff o! Kai, you bloggers have some bad minds sha.
Anonymous: I’ll reserve my beatings for when I see you. Just wait 4 me there. And yes, my love, you were definitely drunk. Nobody says goodnight like that – especially @ three in the morning.
Night vigil my ass….
well it is night vigil in a way but ermmmm doing what exactly???
I know it def wasn’t praying…
loool this guy definately didnt used close up or ne of those naija brand tooth paste cos that thing is crap come and see my dentition le me proof my point looks like a WMD exploded in my mouth followed horicane Kathrina jesus its quite a site…and he prolly was warned about the dangers of the american diet cos i wasnt i have a beer belly i have never drank more than a can of stout in my whole entire life…yo are u trying to diss me??? watch ur sef oh…..lol…
and those ghanian people mehn..than can dey hate on naija people…u know what my next blog is going to be about them!!
Afrobabe: I don’t like the way you’re judging me oh! I am innocent until proven guilty. And yes, we were praying. Is that really so hard 2 believe? Afrobabe, warn yourself oh before I warn you with my hand on your face. LOL.
Sangololu: One can of stout for you? Lai lai! I find that very, very hard 2 believe oh. But don’t worry about your dentition, you can get new ones. And why you come dey diss close-up na? LOL. I loved close-up oh! It was a red gel, absolutely pretty! Who cares if it worked or not? I have never gone 2 a Ghanaian party b4; this was my 1st time, and I have no intention of returning anytime soon.
back in 2006 i blogged about my first ghanian parri. havent gone for any since then so i kinda feel ur pain. plus i dont think ur experience at the lounge can be compared to mine.
ok, i am here and i have a good deal for u all bloggers.
if una wan know where ur lovely anonymous writer aka ashewo aka vera went with Mr Total package at 3am in the morning after getting drunk on bone crusher just like uju, had an all night, all morning
( i mean most vigils end at 2am) vigil and did not get home till 8 am in d morning…..
Funmilayo has details, just dial me on my nut-nine-nut (090) and i go yarn you.
but i be proper yoruba girl learning the acts and rules of Gold-digging from Vera. So all it will cost you is $200.00 ( two hundred dollars) per hour and i have a minimum of 2 hours. plss call in the make ur appointments sits are UNlimited…..
UJu… liar ur ass was drunk, really tipsy i meant…lol
Mr Total package…… vera is in louve! LOve! luv!!! just like someone elso said. I cannot shout…
abeg byeee
Mr. Total Package! I think you should keep your buddy permamnently, the packages are usually not total. God don bless you!
You are being coy . . . lol, and how do you know he has “six quadrants on his stomach”? (Let’s see you wiggle your way out of that one!)
Chief: Pele oh, my dear. Is it possible that they (Ghanaians) are really not feeling us? I no come understand o. LOL
Funmie: You’re a dummy! I have so many insults to pour on you right now, but I’ll hold my peace. Wait till I see you. Olori buruku. And if you make any money from teaching people anything or giving them any info bout me, make sure you give me 70% of it.
Doja: Yeah, I’ll definitely keep my buddy. He’s a really nice buddy. Okay, lemme stop calling him my buddy; he’s my FRIEND.
Anonymous: LOL. Ehm, well — I saw him working out, how bout that! LOL. What are you tryna do 2 me here sef? Mind urself o. LOL.
FRIEND? FRIEND???? FRIEND?????? JUST A FRIEND???????
VERA!!!!!!!!!!! VERACHI!!!!!
OLUWAVERA!!!!!??????? FRIEND?
Funmie: Yes, FRIEND! Did I stutter??? Look, take your time o! In short, I’m gonna beat you mercilessly when I see you tomorrow. Just wait & see. And you berra cum & gimme my pink shoes.
Appart from the stomach.. my wife thought and I thought that you were talking about me untill I realized that i wasnt with you on friday…lol
Xprexxion….
This post smells of cover-up…!
hmmm so where did u and Mr Total package go? tell us more about him
Mr Xprexxion: LOL. Hahahahaha. So it’s the talk about the stomach that began the confusion ehn? LOL. Hahaha. Indeed, you weren’t with me. Mr. Xprexxion, you’re too funny. LOL.
Babzent: Mind ya sef o! Which kin cover up? Na the koko I don yarn now. No cover ups. I have made myself an open book. If you insinuate one more thing, you go wound o!
Bummy: We went to church, of course. We went for a night vigil. You people r bad ooo. How come every1 wants 2 know where we went and what we did? Bad, bad people!
Babzent, dang you are smart…. r u single? cos i might be looking…lol
so no one is willing to pay for this information ehn…. fashi all of una, broke pple.
Funmie: You shameless gal. Are you openly flirting with Babzent? Mind ya sef o! That’s Moremi’s man. And you know Moremi is crazzzyyyy! Besides, my grandma is his suga mommy, so you’re out of luck.
your ‘friend’ with the perfect body and teeth kept you up until 8am.
*coughs*
*coughs*
I SMELL A LIAR IN HERE…
Lol!
liar, liar..
“I didn’t sleep till past 8 in the morning”
there is only one thing that can keep a sane person up that late (abi early de ni) S-E-X.. there, i have said it. wat, wat?! lol
funmie – i dont mind, i will pay. but come o, lets negotiate this price now. pls now..
Really at this point, I REST MY CASE.
Solomon Sydelle: So you sef you’re taking sides with my ‘enemies’ abi? Ehn he has perfect body and perfect teeth, but what does that have to do with keeping me up? I guess I coulda been up staring at him, but no be lie I dey lie. Haba. All of you are just baaad!
Simi Speaks: I don’t like this thing you’re insinuating oh! LOL. Honestly, I was not having sex. That woulda been good, but I was not. Mr. Total Package will stand to testify.
Temmy Tayo: LOL. Why now? Are you givig up on me? LOL.
is Mr Total Package also a hit man? E be like say na him hit u o. Oya confess!
Does he also sing? Swing by ibiluv.blogspot.com to read up her post on soundtracks.
All these names for one person. Na wa.
plsss… why do i feel like :mr total package” did not really write dat?
vera why u dey?
”I had been hit by a bus”
YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY THE
|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^|
|Sexy DUMP Truck | ‘|”””;.., ___.
|_…_…______===|= _|__|…, ]
“(@ )'(@ )””””*|(@ )(@ )*****(@
Vera,
Why has this post evoked more than the usual number of comments?
The attention and comments are akin to a mad woman dancing naked at the village square.
This is food-for-thought.
vera, who are all this people attacking u like this…wetin that total package dey yarn oer there. if he’s real i shut up, if not point him out and he’ll be faced with a big knock on the head and some serious dirty slaps…nonsense!
Black James Bond: I dunno if he sings o. I’ll ask him if he does, but I doubt it. LOL.
In My Head & Around Me: LOL. Abi o. It appears I have too much time on my hands. LOL
Anonymous1: You’re right gal. He definitely didn’t. It’s unfortunate that some1 else yearns so dearly to be Mr. Total Package. But they can’t all be 100% now abi?
Anonymous2: I dunno what that means sha. But I do love the creative picture of the bus. Did you do that urself?
Anonymous3: Yes, it’s been food 4 thought definitely. Apparently Mr. Total Package is a celeb on my blog.
SoupaSexy: My dear, LOL. I take it all in good stride. If they’re commenting, it means they’re reading,and if they’re reading, then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. The real Mr. Total Package did not leave those comments. Someone else (or some other people) who wish they looked half as good left the comments, but it’s all good. But they shouldn’t feel bad sha; everyone CANNOT be as good. Good looks no be beans na! I don’t have comment moderation on, so EVERYTHING is free 2 leave comments. If I don’t like the comment, I’ll just delete it. It’s just a matter of clicking on ‘delete.’
abbi o, all their yarn na beans talk just like 9ice said….
anonymous, you are only one person and you know dat u do not have enough balls to leave thse comments with ur name…look, we aint neva scared…. make all of una haters do una worst. come rain, come shine, come hate, come malice, come nasty comments……. Mr TOTAL PACKAGE IS MR TOTAL PACKAGE AND Gongo ti SO already….. U KNOW VERA IS ON FIRE, THE GIRL IS FINE SO PLSS, KISS HER BUM BUM or betta still shake ur own bum bum n do one leg up……AHAHAHAH, maybe i should stop now.
Hitting delete reminds me of Abacha…….
In this electronic age nothing can be deleted because there’s always a copy of a copy of a copy…….
A cursory look into the future should convince you that these writings will leave a bitter after-taste, unless you subscribe to the adage that any publicity is good publicity.
9iceeee: Yeah, maybe you should stop now. LOL. You’re getting a liru (little) too excited. Haha. But my sistah, what can I say? I can’t be loved by every1. But I can come pretty darn close, can’t I? LOL
Garbage Collector: Well, this is my blog and I don’t want nasty comments. Other people r gonna read it and run away thinking this blog is 4 spittin faya. If anyone wishes 2 engage in battle, let him do it outside my blog and physically. That way, we’ll know who is really strong. Any1 can leave a comment anonymously. It only means he/she has no balls 2 say it 2 ur face. Why bother with such nonentities then?
WHERE do hot men and anonymous writers go to? Lol.
Lollll…OHHHHH I see, you guys were doing night vigil till 8am in the morning. Unlike those people up there, VeraAzeee, I believe u darling. (“Believe all things.”) LOLLLLLL!!!
If he has a total package and u have a total package, u guys will make a beaurriful couple! What do u say?
Well… if you were not doing anything…. were you counting the stars… in urr…. his eyes?
Jaycee: Yes oh, you berra believe! I speaketh the truth and the truth alone. Babe, you sef you know now. Burriful babies? Ehm…I dunno if my baby-bearing hips have developed fully. Besides, Mr. Total Package is just my friend oo! I don’t like these things you people are insinuating. Take time oo!
NaijaLines: LOL. Well, I woulda been counting the stars IN THE SKY but there r no stars in America. Teknology don wipe all of them commot.
did u say dis post was abt Uju! as if u ma believe am. ey ha, someone is in luuuveeeeeeeeeeee. it’s well dear, enjoy
vera! u don follow dem! ‘Your comment has been saved and will be visible after blog owner approval.’. abeg una, wetin dey happen 4 blogville? pple r either going private or putting ‘control’ measures
Florida: I did not say I’m in love oo! LOL. I said he is my “buddy.” Na buddy I call am oh! Make una no dey add salt and pepper to my words.
… about the comment moderation thingy, my dear, I had to turn it on coz some spineless person was writing crap here. I don’t like the idea of me having to approve all comments sha, so perhaps I’ll turn it off. I apologize, my love.
ermmmmmmmm, whatever happened to an update? YES VERA, a question for you?
You’ve been tagged dear.
check out my blog for more details
What were you saying about UJU in the first place?
Life of A Stranger: How dare you question my lack of an update? I am the only one who has a right to bother people for updates. No make me wound you o! LOL. Okay, fine, I’ll update.
Darkelcee: Oh boy! Okay, I’ll check the tag. I’m not gonna talk you yet until I see the tag.
Wetin Dey Happen: LOL. I don’t even know oh. I attempted to talk about Uju, but I obviously digressed. I was actually gonna talk about how good a friend Uju is. Whew…!