This delivery man wants to start delivering more than packages oh. Everyday he comes, he makes it a point to compliment my alleged beauty (yes, I said alleged). At first, I thought he was just being a gentleman, but this one don pass my power oh. He always says, “Oh, you’re so beautiful,” or “God, your eyes are so beautiful.” All this time, I’ve just been smiling like a fool and saying, “thank you,” exposing all my teeth.
On Tuesday, he came to deliver a package as usual. I was on the phone with my friend, Dee, so I told her that I’ll call her back. He said, “Yeah, get off the phone, baby cause you know I want your full attention.” Like a fool, I smiled. In fact, I laughed sef. Gosh, I can be so slow sometimes. lol. I collected the package and signed for it.
As usual, the man started talking about what lovely eyes I had and how beautiful I was. I was not fazed by this. I mean, this was pretty standard for us. Next thing, the man said, “I love a lady with beautiful eyes. When you’re making love to a lady with beautiful eyes and she looks at you, it just makes you wanna keep going…” And then he grunted before he continued with so much confidence, “You have such pretty eyes.”
Tufia kwa!!! Mr. Delivery Man, I rebuke you!!! Making love to who? God forbid!!! See, warn this man oh. Who gave him the right to be picturing making love to me in his head? *Vera spitting, irritation almost choking her* I can charge this man with mental rape oh (abi isn’t that a legitimate charge?). To add, insult to injury, he touched my ringless finger and said, “And I see you ain’t got a ring on neither.” (darn Ebonics). I just jejely snatched my hand away from his reach. What does the ringlessness of my finger have to do with him? Kai!! You see how ‘singleness’ is insulting me? lol.
I think I was so shocked by the man’s statements that I could not even react. I was caught off guard. Not that it matters, but the man doesn’t work for USPS (United States Postal Service). He works for another postal service that I will not mention, and he’s African American.
This guy’s actions are making me look @ the other delivery guy some kind of way. That one is White and works for a different delivery service too. Even though he doesn’t need to bring the mails in, he still does – something I assume he’s doing out of niceness. Am I being naïve? He brings the mails in, and then he asks me how my day is going, blah blah blah. I think I need to start having my pepper spray handy. LOL. I can’t have people making love to me in their mind all willy nilly….and even having the guts to stare into my eyes while doing it!!!
Temite, where do I get that taser we talked about?
lol!!!!!
FIRST!
I can’t stop laughing…Monsieur Strong dey ask me wetin sef.
Don’t mind the pervert. I suppose you could always make it as brief as possible and not smile so he can get the message?
Reminds me of this guy I had to meet at his office for a business meeting. All he did was stare at my boobs for the 45 minutes the meeting lasted. I’d never in my life felt so violated. I made sure that was the last time we met.
Second! going to read Yay !
I volunteer to be the lawyer to sue him for mental rape. I won’t collect a cent! Wetin? Get that taser fast o! Get me one too.
I am third too. It must be a good weekend coming.
Wow top 5! Ive been dreaming of getting a taser as a lazy option to learning Karate. No mind em girl, they just dont know how to say youre fine properly 😀
sis, u gotta stop laffn with this guy oh, this one don too much, he’s already making virtual love to you, rebuke him oh. which kain nonsense be that one sef, the guy wan dey deliver personal services with mails haba!
I agree with Rayo too, you must stop laughing or smiling with him,obviously it has been misconstrued that you like him bringing the post over, you could change by getting another person to sign for the post or stay on the phone with an imaginary person saying sweet nothings and then say clearly and loudly, hold on i have the delivery man here, stress on the delivery man my dear, he will get the message.
We bind and loose all unwanted advances from the delivery man.
hahahahaha,may dis gal not kill me b4 my time.u have a penchant for attracting……….
at least you know that you are tres hawt! lol
but Vera, two delivery guys? two different races hmm? hmm?
dont mind me, pls cast out whatever is attracting them abeg…lol
Hello Beautiful eyes!!!!!! So wen do u both hook up?????? u got me completely cracked up here.
So Vera what can Brown do for you?
hawtie over there!!!
me thinks it cos u keep smiling with him that’s why he has so much liver.
stay on the phone while delivering the package or just appear aloof (no pun intended!)
That’s just sexual harassment right there. Plain and simple.
NaijaLines: Nawa oh. LOL. Forty-five minutes of boob staring has to be something else, but in his defense, a study has shown that staring @ boobs helps menmen’s health. Walahi, I kid you not. lol.
LusciousRon: Thank you, my love. Now that I love a lawyer, you can go ahead and file the motion for mental rape in the highest order!! lol.
Wordsmith: Nawa oh. This kin compliment dey fear me no be small. The way he even looks @ me and smiles, it’s so naughty. It’s not the kind of look I wanna be getting from the delivery guy.
loll@virtual lovemaking
but rayo’ e be like say u don dey take style spoil o:-)
*Asanwa’norrin do u jare but if u need konk-slap lessons’ just holla
Ha Vera!!!! How do you attract these Men sef, that is my question. ahn ahn, from the creepy married guy to the phone guy and then two different delivery guys. Chei you dis woman, you must learn how to give the look while being polite. I have been told by many people that I have this DO NOT TALK NONSENCE TO ME look and I really never get unwanted attention. But sha, sometimes the look is so ferocious that I dont even get wanted attention. Hiss As per the taser, I stole mine when I was working for campus security in college. Try officerstore.com – they have a bunch of different colors (pink!!!)but I am not sure if its legal sef hehehe. If you get thrown in jail then call LuciousRon to get you out. Oga have a fantastical lovelistical weekend!!!
Rayo: My dear, na so I see am oh. He really does wanna start delivering personaly services. Tuesday was the last time I smiled with him (I haven’t seen him since then though).
Laughter: lol @ binding and losing all unwanted advances by the delivery man. The delivery man musta tried this with someone else and it worked. Y else will he even dare it??
QMoney: For attracting what??? Oya, finish your story if you’re not afraid. Don’t make me hurt you oh. lol.
Smaragd: lol. But the other delivery guy has been ‘nice,’ or at least that’s what I thought until this one started misyarning. Now I’m starting to wonder if the other one will talk rubbish too. Tres hawt??? Please.
Nikkisab: You’re having a blast, huh? When am I gonna hook up with who? Stop this thing you’re doing oh; I don’t like it. lol.
Naapali: LOL. If I answer that question, it will mean that Delivery man works for UPS. Since that may or may not be true but mostly true, I will not answer it! However, Brown can do nothing but deliver mails and/or packages to and/or for me.
Bumight: lol @ appearing aloof. That will definitely be my next strategy gal. Apparently, I have been too friendly. It’s all good though.
Sting: LOL. I know. So unprofessional.
LG: Abeg, I think I will take you up on that offer. I sure do need those lessons. From the looks of things, I might need to implement said slaps sooner than later.
Temite: You’re not sure it’s legal and you’re directing me to where to get one ehn? lol. It’s all good sha; as long as we have Lusciousron, everything will work out just fine. So you and I have problems. You have the do-not-talk-nonsense look, which is good because you really don’t get unwanted attention, but @ the same time, you also don’t get wanted attention. I, on the other hand, I guess I have the, I-friendly-you-can-approach-me look, so I get all kindsa attention: wanted and very UNwanted. Temite, we need therapy. lol
Get the pepper spray.
LMAO this is too funny, and you know what’s so messed up about this whole picture? If you didn’t smile and be all polite they’ll label you “fufu from Africa” or call you what rhymes with “witch”..so what gives??
Vera, na wa oh, u must have serious babe effect abi it’s factor but it’s strange the kinda of people it attracts sha…hmmm…lol…pele…maybe u should start telling them through the door or window, “please drop at the door, will pick up later” lol..how u see am?
Doja: I’m on it, gal. I’m on it!!
Abbie: Yeah, I know gal. It's not easy @ all. There seems 2 be a very thin wall between friendly & bitch. It's so much easier to fall into the latter part. *sigh*
S Chic: LOL. That's one way to deal with it. Except that I have to sign for the packaga when the African American guy delivers. The oyibo one is the one I can avoid because he really does not have to come in; he just does so out of his own niceness (or so I would like 2 believe).
As soon as i saw d title, i already had an idea.
Hmmm, sister Vera, dis one u’ve been smiling, are you sure…….( fill in the blank spaces)
Or is it because he is a delivery man ehn? Talk true o!
Vera..born in Russia…chai..one question..have you read Chammie’s blog??! 😉 that’s all i’m gonna say for now o! LOL…meanwhiles..do you speak any Russian?
LOL at the delivery guy..you no dey code fast o! wetin concern beautiful eyes and delivery of package eh?..the power of flattery *shakes head* LOL
and no, this is not my first time here o..Mz.Dee sent me here to look at how you said someone looks like cabin biscuit..bless her, she knows how i love people that are capable of saying such things! lol..so i guess i’ve said it ba? i lurve your blog! you are teeeew funny, and i gbadun the way youwrite!
vera se na bcos him voice no tap like the walmart cashier abi. u r discriminating between a walmart cashier with a nice voice who doesnt look at u twice and a delivery man (i say UPS) who doesnt have such but tells u, u have beautiful eyes that could make him keep going when he is drilling. whatever happen to equal opportunity yada yada yada.
quick kweshun, did u by any chance step out to sign for the package in hip hugging french knickers. trying to figure out what got him yarning.
According to a certain snazzy blogger, that is a clear case of hot girl syndrome.
But Of course its all ur fault, God gave you such beautiful eyes :p
Mizchif: Oya complete that ur sentence. Abi fill in those blanks b4 I descend on you.
TheIceQueen: Oh, thanks love. I will surely be visiting your page very soon. Walahi, the guy looked like cabin biscuit, but no1 wants 2 believe or understand me. lol. Every1 thinks I’m crazy 2 think he looks like cabin bisbuit. Ok oh. Who is Chammie? Never been to his/her blog, but will surely do so now that you have brought him/her 2 my attention. And no, I don’t speak any Russian 9anymore) sadly.
ChiefO: You’re mad! Y will I step out in hip hugging french knickers? Mind urself oo! Wetin dey do you sef? lol. The man is just a horny delivery man, that’s all. But he will be just fine.
Geisha. Song: Abegi!! Hot girl syndrome ko horny delivery man syndrome ni. Believe me, my eyes r nothing 2 write home about; they’re just two eyes. The man was just horny, and he needed a part of my body 2 compliment. Perhaps, he felt like my eyes were the easiest.
vera if i didnt know better i would have been on ur side. is it not these same eyes that u looked at me with at funmie’s bbq last year and next thing i agreed to ur proposal of taking a shower with me or for me.
u better tell the truth and let the devil be ashamed, u know i know what ur eyes are capable of doing.
is it not these same eyes u used to catch Busie that she cant disfriend u. by the way where busie sef, tell her i say wats up. (yes Darn rite, im giving a shout out)
but if u say the delivery man is horny, i agree but its ur eyes that made the poor delivery man horny.
ah, i believe you on the cabin biscuit thing o! very possible..jus tlike my principal that looked like a banana…
er..chammie…Chameleon in London..there’s no how you don’t know her!
lol! first time here will so be back!
oh I love your igbo theatrics, the caps and the colors give them unusual life.
You are paranoid, its awesome though.
Hey check out my songs at myspace.com/makrythm, you might like them.
I’ll be back to read more, keep it going.
ChiefO: Stop spoiling my name o! When did I offer to give you a shower? Just say you wanted me to give you a shower jo. Wetin sef? Busola cannot leave because she LOVES me.
Ice Queen: A banana? LOL. Can’t be surprised. I have seen a maggot lookalike, so hey…it works. lol.
Hahaha. Well, I canAde: Oh, thanks for coming, love. Thanks for stopping by. I’ll “retaliate.”
Mak: Hey Mak!! I’ll definitely check out your blog (and music). I’m paranoid? lol.
Special delivery for “Beautiful Eyes” hehehehe!!!! update now V!!
@Vera,well he sent the txt at 3am and dat msg was 10txts,he actually called me 1st thing in d mrn to ask if i got the txt and stuff and i told him i wld call back.i ended up giving him 1/3 of d money and hoping for the best.by dis weeekend,we shall know how far
Pervert!
lol@ ur your mail man.relax sissy maybe he just wanna appreciate God’s beauty oh. but ehn the guy get kolo for head. which kain thing be that?
evil man. are u sure only pepper spray will do u can mix hot water and pepper too for long lasting effect.lolll
NikkiSab: lol @ the special delivery. I have updated oh.
QMoney: I hope for the best too. That’s still a lot of money sha. Can I borrow from you too? *wink, wink* lol
Oluwadee: LOL.
DarkElCee: Babe, where have you been? Anyway, the pepper spray will definitely do him enough damage. I’m quite confident of that. After the pepper spray ehn, he will never try that kin rubbish again.