Yesterday, I was talking to mom on the phone, and she told me that there was a package waiting for me. I told her to just leave it in my room. I was sure it was the card I ordered from Shutterfly. Anyway I came home expecting to find an envelop, but found a big box instead. Imagine my shock! I was thinking, “Chineke God! Shutterfly has screwed up and sent me a thousand cards instead of one. Major overdraft fees are coming my way…”
But the box wasn’t from Shutterfly. In fact, the instructions on the box were perplexing, funny, and intriguing all at once. Close and lock door ke? Hide behind huge furniture? Quietly open box? This thing better not be a bomb ooo! They want me to lock the door so that no one will find my remains abi? They have failed!!! I will open this box in the public of igwe mmadu.
Contents may disappear immediately???????? To where? Why will they disappear? Oh, I see. These people have sent me juju. Why else will it disappear? And the box even says it’s perishable. Aha… the juju has expiration date. My enemies. They have failed!! They will never get me. As soon as I open the box, I will seize whatever is inside and stop is from disappearing.
Hmmm! These people are funny ooo! See how they wrapped the juju bomb in a nice box. They even had the audacity to call it “the unforgettable gift.” You don’t say?!?!?! You people want to bomb me with this finely-wrapped juju. But today is not your day. I have caught up to you.
Aaaahhhhh!!! Chocolate-covered strawberries???????? Oh, my!! I have never seen juju bombs that look so beautiful…. so attractive…. so harmless…. and oh, so darn edible! These chocolate-covered strawberries have to be my friends. They must like me. Nothing this beautiful is harmful.
My people, don’t blame me oh. I have never received this kind of posh gift before. 12 whole strawberries coated in what looks like only the finest chocolate, all for me??? I have done nothing to deserve this. Really, I haven’t. Like I said, I am not used to receiving stuff like this. So yes, I was pleasantly surprised. Thank God it wasn’t juju bomb as I thought.
Bet you wanna know where they came from, huh? Our very own blogger, Sweet Nothin sent them! Why? Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? She wants me. Well, she claims it’s because she couldn’t make it to be my co-host on Saturday as planned. She was supposed to be cohosting with me for the Second Time Around show talking about dating exes, but her dad wasn’t feeling fine. My people, how was that her fault? So you see why I have concluded that she just wants me?
I have learnt one thing from this experience: Funmi, Busola, Uju, Dee, and all of you do NOT appreciate me enough. When was the last time you sent me chocolate-covered strawberries? A change has come, my people. From now on, I demand a box of chocolate-covered strawberries everyday of my life. Sure, I might not be able to fit into my clothes after one week, but at least, I’ll have my yummy chocolate-covered strawberries. There is only one regret from this chocolate-covered strawberries: Sweet Nothin is not a dude. Oh, the possibilities! She has stolen my heart ooo.
Oh, ye chocolate-covered strawberries…. HOW I LOVE THEE.
P.S. Verastically Speakin Talk Radio will be airing again this Saturday @ 10:00 AM Est (3:00 PM Naija time). We’ll be talking about how important the size of engagement rings are. I will be co-hosting with Ezenwanyi. Yes, she’s Igbo. Yes, I’m Igbo too. Yes, you might walk away from the show thinking, “All these Igbo girls are nothing but a bunch of gold-diggers…” but hey… do tune in! The left sidebar has the schedule of all upcoming talk shows. Please send me e-mails if you have any contributions. radio@verastic.com. Thank you, darlings!
P.P.S. Joe from Montana, eye opener and truth sayer, thank you soooo much for calling in on Saturday. If you read this post, please e-mail me!! 🙂 radio@verastic.com
Furrrsssssssssssssstttt!!!!!
HaHaHa! wow if i had received that i wud have gone outside to open it sef, just for safety!
but mehn those things are looking delish! i may just order some.
Seeeccoococond?!
Third?!
This hasn't happened before o!!! Moi, second and maybe third sef?
Vera, I deserve four of those stawberries, don'tchathink?
Bdw, guess what I'm doing when i leave here?
Going over to SweetNothin's to invite her to someplace or something I sure she won't be able to make!!!!
I want me some sweetness too!
No, she doesn't want you o jare, everyone knows Mr Shoes.lol.
I wish I could have a bite. Joe huh? Sounded very nice I must say.
Juju-Bomb – LMAO!
That was nice of her.Enjoy!
I wish I could listen to the show but I am sure you guys would do a fabulous job.have a lovely weekend!
ha!!!! that looks sinful! but i want!!
I SO WANT!!! lol @ juju-bomb
That was nice of Sweetnothin:)
I was even thinking it was Mr Shoes that sent it…
Nice one!!!
I want! Vera sharing is caring!!!!
Vera,
i am with Ms. O, sharing is caring!
i want some of that, (albeit i do it myself lol)
i knw what to request for this week!
P.S. Gosh i didnt know i was on ur blogroll….
i am lost for words… i feel, feel,
LIKE A STAR! (fireworks going off in my head)
i do need those chocolate covered strawberries to calm me down…
Yummy!
All for you; Verastic you try o.. aww that is so nice of her. Enjoy..
That looks tempting… Vera send some down to me!
That was very nice of Sweetnothin'
do you know what another box of chocolates coated strawberry will do to your waistline???
they cannot get you! LOL
You are so smooth..
Slihp: LOL @ going outside to open it. Looking delish ab????? Bet your throat is here abi? Nothing 4 u!!
Woomie: Congrats on being 2nd and 3rd, but you get major liver oo. How you go come on top my blog dey demand four strawberries out of 12? If no be say you far, I for dasg you one fine slap now now. LOL. LOL @ inviting Sweet Nothin to some place she cannot make. Good luck with that. Personally, I know she's already in love with me – whether you wanna believe it or not. LOL @ everyone knowing Mr. Shoes. *SIGH* Dis Mr. Shoes sef! See how he's putting sand in my garri.
Nice Anon: If wishes were horses, beggars would ride, so you can wish all you want oh, but you ain't getting a bite out of this one.
TayneMent: Thank you, darling. It's unfortunate you cannot listen while it's LIVE, but hey, you can always listen to it when we're done.
36 Inches: It sure does look sinful But I can't resist it oh. I gorra gorra have some of those.
Tunrayo: U want ehn? Want all you want oh. These ones ain't going nowhere!
Aloted: Yes, that was very, very nice of her. Couldn't hide my pleasant surprise. U thought it was Mr. Shoes, huh? Hehehe. Eiyaa. LOL.
Ms. O: The good thing is that me I don't care!!! I will not share ooo! Forget it.
Chayoma: LOL! I don't care if a land mine is going off in your head, these chocolate-covered strawberries ain't going into anybody's mouth but mine. You can second Ms. O all you want. LOL @ feeling like a star cos I have you in my blog roll. Babe, I'm the one who should be feeling like a star.
30+: I know! All this "Yummy" you're doing, don't even think I will share it with you oo.
Life of a Stranger: Nne, it is indeed all for me. The babe no dey play.
Favored Girl: Yes, it was definitely very nice of her. Did you just say I should send some down? No oh!! I no dey do.
What a lovely gesture by sweetnothin!
I hope you enjoy them and share a few with mumsy, popsy and maybe even Mr. Shoes (if he hurries).
haha. glad u u likey.thanks for spotlight, I'm blushing. and yeah, I SO WANT U…lol
Baroque: Hahahahahaha. They have gotten me ooo! It's you that will not get me. If this is your way of making me not to eat my chocolate covered strawberries, you have FAILED!!!
Trybes: Who, me? Or Sweet Nothin? It better be me oh.
GNG: Yeap, indeed a very lovely gesture by Sweet Nothin, but I'm not sharing them with ANYONE – except God, and I'm only sharing with Him because I don't have a choice.
Sweet Nothin: Aaaahh! I said it!! I just knew it. U want me, don't ya? U wanna marry me or what? 🙂 Talk now oh let's start prepping.
hey vera..i dont know how to listen to the radio stuff..is it just to come on ur blog or something..ive been asking everybody and nobody seems to be responding.
Send to me oh please my love.
*running off to sweetnothin's blog to suck up to her*..meanwhile sharing is caring ya know. Ahhh I heart chocolate covered strawberries.
they say the best way to multiply love is to divide it – so vera, you should only keep one of the chocolate covered strawberries and give out the rest.
I don't mind this kind of "bomb" at all oh…!!! Kai! These are the kind of times I wish I was Mr. Shoes…
Most definetely –i meant YOU. I never seem to get enough of you each time i read through your blog and thats a real big plus for you! Keep it burnin gurl!
those chocolate covered strawberries are just YUMMY!!!
I just never seem to rmbr when your shows air. I end up listening to it after everything and feel sad……:(
I wish to piece in my 2cents one day!! So when is your next radio talk show?? Lemme set a reminder for it on my phone!!
ps: I love your blog. I've been around here a couple times but never really commented.
hahahahah that was so funny
now u got me craving chocolate