How much of my past should I really disclose [to my partner]? Full disclosure between us would be nice, but is it necessary? When people pry into other people’s past, there’s hardly a time they’re prying for the good stuff … like the time the person helped old Mrs. Kanu to cross the street. Or the time the person won the award for Best Chemistry Student. Or the time the person volunteered at the homeless shelter. Or how the person became a working class citizen at the tender age of fourteen.
Most times, the one who is prying wants to know other stuff: How many people have you slept with? What are the names of the people you have slept with? How many times did you sleep with them? Perhaps, they might want to know the position(s), too. And they want to know, how many relationships have you had, and where are they [your exes]? You and Person X had an almost-relationship; I want to know why it never became an actual relationship. How far – physically – did you and Person X go? Did Person X see you naked? What about Person Y? Have you ever had oral sex? If so, who was the first person you had it with? And how many people have you had it with since then? The list, really, is endless.
And, of course, there are other questions: criminal records, credit report, illnesses, divorces, previous engagements, abortions, miscarriages, surgeries, hospitalizations, addictions, etc. This list, too, could go on. But because of how complex relationships are, most of the question-and-answer session dwells on past relationships, past loves, past chemistry, past crushes, and of course, past sexes.
And so, I cannot help but wonder, how much of our past should we really disclose to our partner?
You and I, we could tackle it on Saturday morning on the Verastically Speakin’ Talk Radio. I’ll be co-hosting with Afrobabe – yes, the very, very insane, possibly psychotic Afrobabe and my very own cousin, – and yes, this one too is crazy. It’ll be at 10am U.S. Eastern (4pm Nigerian) time as usual.
Come Saturday morning, listen here.
Join the conversation: 1.646.929.1905
E-mail your thoughts, if you cannot call in: radio@verastic.com
Follow me, bumper to bumper, on Twitter.
As always, there’s a poll on the top right sidebar, and it’s there for your voting pleasure. Go vote!
It's on a need-to-know basis.. the further & deeper u go into d relationship, the more u reveal details of ur past that are relevant at that stage… u dont wanna b tellin a 2-wk old boyf dat u've had 10 abortions, and 15 STIs or STDs, and u need to let ur fiance in on ur medical history that might affect the relationship…
It depends on how serious the relationship is. If it's leading towards marriage, then every important thing needs to be disclosed. I think secrets ruin relationships. Number of sex partners and stuff like that r not really important to disclose unless the person thinks it's important to know, then u have to tell.
Funny as it seems, I hardly ever tell a boyfriend anything, I might talk about my past loves, but nothing 'heavy', I dont feel the need to tell them all. Maybe as the relationship progresses, but then again until I get married, no by-the-way-side boyfriend is knowing everything meant for a special someborri oh!
This should be interesting! cannot wait!
It all depends on the level of the relationship and even at that not all should be said out IMO….
The show's gonna be interesting am always forgetting these days maybe i should set an alarm …lol
Me, I am strictly don't ask, don't tell. Digging around the past is just recipe for disaster. I judge based on what you have done since we met. Period.
I'm with Lucid Lilith. Don't ask, don't tell…I mean, how e take consain the price of fish in the market? I'd love to tune in, I hope I wake up in time to catch it.
Tell all I say, tell all.
Will try and catch the show live.
Me psychotic????
From you kolo Vera??
Hisssssssssssss
hmmm…this sounds like it will be one hot topic 4 discussion…I hope the phone lines would be able to handle the number of people who would be calling in on that day…
i fink u shldnt jst spill ur guts esp if its a new rlatnshp. bt if in d course of it, it cmes up… then say it. its nt always healthy to open urslf up as d pages of a notebook b4 ur significnt oda takes advantage of it.
Ha Verastic..
This was a nice read, and I actually learnt something from this o
I agree with Lillith. Don't ask, don't tell.
if it's a deep meaningful rlnship, tell what needs to be known and if it's advancing towards marriage/ u r engaged..tell all, he better takes u as u r or is not worth it..it's far better it comes from you than some random person/ friend somewhere in ur beautiful future
Drop it in small by small, it doesn't have to be an interview. The information should come out naturally. I don't like being grilled like a piece of chicken.
Drop it in small by small, it doesn't have to be an interview. The information should come out naturally. I don't like being grilled like a piece of chicken.