Ever heard of Google Analytics? Azuka installed it on my blog a while ago (although I had to reinstall it later ….all by myself, and I feel so smart!). Anyway, you install it on your blog and it tracks number of visitors, how visitors got referred to your site (facebook, someone else’s blog, etc), on what day you had the most visitors, and what search words brought people to your blog. Now, this is where it gets interesting. Here are some funny searches people made. Some of them are perpeplexing, funny, ridiculous, and well, Verastic. I cannot help but wonder why some of these searches brought the searcher to Verastic.com; my thoughts are in blue.
1. “Vera Ezimora” (Okay, so this is the top search, but it’s understandable why it brings people to my blog. Obviously, it’s my name. Moving along.)
2. “Affluence.org scam” (Yes, apparently, that website affluence dot org is a scam. A while ago, I blogged about it, saying I was invited to join the site.)
3. “Vera Ezimora and oral sex” (Now, this is a bit tricky. Is the person looking for me having oral sex??? Or is the person looking for a piece written by me on oral sex?? I hope it’s the latter. Dear searcher, I have never written an article on oral sex, but here is a blog post I wrote a while ago that might help…)
4. “Vera Ezimora university in Essex” (Vera Ezimora owns no University in Essex, but now that you have brought the idea up, I will start working towards it. God be my strength.)
5. “Danny Bagucci” (Oti o! Danny, pesin don find you come my blog. Ehm, dear searcher, please find Danny Bagucci HERE)
6. “Girl wedgies.” (Yes, I reckon I know what that feels like. Please feel free to read about my experience HERE)
7. “Push up bra before and after.” (I own a push up bra that I have never worn; let’s just say it leaves my boobies a little too pushed up for comfort. But the search for it was interesting. You can read that too HERE)
8. “Naapali” (You came too late. He stopped blogging. But you can visit the tombstone of his blog)
9. “search myspace of girls without a bra.” (What???? Well, this is not MySpace, and there sure isn’t any1 without a bra here. Well, maybe Funmi. She likes being naked 24/7. Some1 pls tell her her husband will get tired of seeing her naked.)
10. “Sexting” (Isn’t that the thing where you send sexy pictures thru text messages? Funmie blogged about that here)
11. “sharing thongs” (That’s disgusting! Yuck!)
12. “tropical rain forest” (Oh, I remember the days of my tropical rain forest. It has long been shaved. You can read about it here)
13. “Anambra people hate Imo people.” (When did this happen?? I must be behind schedule.)
14. “bananas in oral sex” (What is it with people and oral sex sef???)
15. “big booty wedgies” (I might know something about that. *wink*)
16. “big wedgie to my mother” (You wanna give your mom a wedgie? That’s just wrong!)
17. “body research on watch how a clit grows” (Ehn??? Watch how what grows?)
18. “can a woman take extenze” (I’ve been wondering the same thing too! Read here)
19. “can you disvirgin someone with a condom” (With the condom alone? No. With a member inside the condom? Yeap.)
20. “can women stink up the bathroom” (Of course not! We’re perfect.)
21. “do Nigerians engage in oral sex” (Another oral sex question! Yes, they do. I see you wanna know before you get involved, ey? lol)
22. “garden of eden oral sex” (I have read the entire book of Genesis. There is no record of Adam & Eve engaging in oral sex….)
23. “how to get a guy horny” (Which kin pesin dey ask dis kin question? That’s like the easiest thing 2 do. Shoot, breeze blowing on their member makes them horny. This is not an endorcement to make him horny … unless he’s your husband, then I’ll say fire on!)
24. “how to increase size of hips in males” (Hips in males??? I don’t think that’s a very good idea. But then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.)
25. “how to make my man do oral sex” (I don’t think I can help you there)
26. “I love to suck my sister’s 44dd boobs” (Just in case you didn’t know, that’s incest. And not to mention, disgusting!)
27. “love dating Igbo men” (Sadly, I dunno what that feels like – yet)
28. “my waist is way bigger than my hips” (Ah, e get as e be oo! That’s probably a bit problematic)
29. “snakes on a nipple” (Whose nipple???)
30. “tobenna and j wedding” (LOL. Ehm, please go to brother Tobenna’s blog to get all details about his wedding to J. Me, I no know!)
31. “Verastically livin lyrics” (Verastically livin’ has no lyrics. Who dash monkey banana?)
32. “why do we have oral sex” (Ask the person you’re having the oral sex with)
33. “what is D’banj’s email address” (Hahahahaha. Well, his manager might have it, but Vera sure doesn’t. U wan send am email? LOL)
34. “what not to do to her during oral sex” (Not biting her would probably help. Let’s start with that).
35. “what sex position is good for having twins” (Biko, if you find out, tell me ooo! Once I get married, my husband and I will be restricted to this sex position. I must have twins by fire!)
36. “what would happen if you didn’t have a heart” (I’m assuming you’ll meet Baba God. But I might be wrong.)
37. “who broke D’banj’s heart” (Some1 broke D’banj’s heart?? When? No!!! Not my D’banj! Not my D’banj!!!)
38. “who is the girl having sex on snakes on a plane” (I don’t know. But I bet people will run & go see that movie now)
39. “Why do guys never give oral sex” (Honestly, I don tire for oral sex questions.)
40. “why do my nipples itch” (I don’t know. But mine itch a lotta times too. Hmm. Ehn, just scratch the thing na..!)
41. “How long does it take to get approval from affluence.org” (Affluence dot org is a scam ooo! Be warned. If you have already applied, then goodluck to you.)
Whew!! There were actually 450 searches, but I chose the 41 funniest/weirdest ones. What have I learnt from all this? People lovvvvvvvvve oral sex AND it apparently brings traffic to my blog. Well, who woulda thunk it?! Oh, and uhm Google Analytics rawks!
p.s. For those that asked questions after I had answered, please check the comment section of my previous post for replies to your question(s).
Shalom!
first/…………………… yay!!!!!!!
ARGHHHHHHH I AM ANGRY.
why’s almost everything related to sex… Vera, am i missing something? and danny ke?
btw, lmao @ what sex position is good for having twins…….. im going to instal google analytics now
Fumns warev. I actually had to get out of bed to post this comment and you got here first. me and you are officially in one trouser today. Nonsense. I dey beef you o.
VERA – you are officially the queen of ORAL sex. You did not tell me that is why you are studying psychology o. chei… lmao.
And what is with the sister and 44dd breatesses – CREEPY.
errr Vera boo, I have class at 8am tommorrow so I have to get back in bed ASAP. cheerios.
LMAO! it seems like its oral sex that brings people to ur blog (pun intended). anything u wanna tell us sweetie?
Hmm.. somtin sounds suspicious o. What’s d 411 on dis oral sex tin dat u keep denying ehn?
And I’m actually 2nd!!!
(dat’s not countin d two blog stalkers – Temite and Funms!)
lmao…Vera this means you officially mention sex more than i can ever mention it oh…Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeee she takes the sex crown…
ah ah. i don’t understand d fixation with oral sex oh. hmmm. if vera’s blog should get this much query abt oral sex, i shudder to think what afrobabe’s blog will produce. hehehehehe
Very informative post. Two things I have added to my Vera file (aside from flatulence…yeah I mentioned it again):
1.) She shares thongs
2.) She is inextricably entwined with the sexual phenomenon known as “oral sex”
hehehe!
I think I might do a post about my new discovery…what say you Vera?
who would think it????????
a celibate Vera always mentioning sex……..not just sex…….oral sex……..
hmmmmmmmmmmm
Afro is so right. People come to you for SEX?!
I think you should set up a sub site or a weekly column for the sex freaks.
Hope you are keeping well!
ur searches are mostly sex related.. i wonder what they search to find afrobabe’s blog….
Vera does take the sex crown!!!*bowing ever so obediently* O Hail the Sex Queen…lol..
People definitely like oral sex.
I think I’m gonna install this software.
Hehehe…
Think i’m gonna install the software? Erm Vera, any tips on how to get it? lol
na wa for una oh. So you mean na just in 2009 wey you dey sabi Google analytics? O ga oh!
And #26 made me gag. Why are people coming to your site to learn about sucking their sister’s tittays?
God have mercy upon us. The world is truly coming to an end. loL!
Oh damn. Nothing is sacred any more. Not even google searches. I am so busted. Hey some of my searches for you took me to my NIA articles!!!
wow! thats really all i can say. I dont know about this google analytics, seems like some kind of invasion of privacy.
LMAO! Confirmed! Vera is crayzee!! LMAO
Sho!!! Na wah O.. Wetin make ppl comme dey search Danny Bagucci come your site? When no be me even comment pass? I need to get this Thing ASAP for my blog too o…..lol
I hope Afro also installs it,I’m dying to see what her top search would be…..
Funms The Rebirth: Congrats on being 1st. What do you want as a gift?
Temite: Awww. Don't worry. You will be first next time. Let's ambush Funms
Funms The Rebirth: I dunno why almost everything is related to sex oo! They're just plain funny. It's amazing the kinds of things people search for. LOL
Temite: Queen of oral sex ko! Which kin queen when I'm not even engaging in it? Just because I blogged about it one time, all of a sudden search engines are bringing people here. lol. Well, whatever brings me more traffic.
Bumight: I no come understand oo. I only have one post on oral sex and I know there are naughtier sites out there *coughs* .. Afrobabe & Jaguda, so why is Verastic.com the place for oral sex?
Fine Boy Agbero: LOL. My dear, no secrets oo! Me sef, the thing dey surprise me. I am innocent of the crime I'm being accused of!
Afrobabe: Lai lai! That is not even possible. All I have is ONE oral sex post, and that was more like a "discussion forum" sef, so I dunno why all these people are being led to my site, but I no kuku mind sha.
FFF: LOL. Abi oh, my sister!! Imagine what Afrobabe's blog will produce. Ah, scandal!!!
Doug: I will wound you ooo! You have refused to forget about thsi flatulence thing abi? lol. Okay, just wait there for me. Do a post on me and see what I will do to you. By the time I'm thru with you ehn, you go know say khaki no be leather.
Ibiluv: LOL. Na only one time ooo! Na only one time wey I mention oral sex for this blog o! Now because of that, search engines no gree me drink water again. *hiss*
Tobenna: This is an enigma. I dunno why someone will come here 4 sex. This is not the place to get any sort of advise on sex. Una no see Afrobabe & Jaguda? Biko, let them not spoil me for my mommy.
Zara: LOL. You're not the only one who has been wondering that. FFF was wondering the same thing too. I shudder to think of it.
Shona Vixen: LOL! **Vera blushing** That is the sweetest name I have ever been called. I have always wondered what it would feel like. Hehehe. Sex queen ko. Does the sex queen not have to have sex too?? lol.
OluwaDee: Yes, they do like oral sex. And you should definitely install the software. Muchos interesting stuff.
Write Freak: Click on their link. You should be able to follow through form there. If that fails, contact Azuka. He knows it all.
Solomon Sydelle: Leave them alone ooo! Na by force for everyone to know of Google Analytics? LOL. Ehm, since you know, biko informate them on how to install it. Me I no kuku remember. My dear, I dunno about the sucking their sister's boob thing. Disgusting.
Rosie: LOL. But come oo. So you're one of the people searching for me ehn??? Okay. I will show you pepper. Wetin you dey find? lol.
Reverence: LOl @ invasion of privacy. Nah, it's a really useful too in my opinion. You get to know other stuff like which day you had the most visitors, which post had the most readers, etc. Good stuff.
Black James Bond: LOL. Wetin I do now? It's not my fault ooo. Blame it on the people that have been searching for naughty things on the internet.
Danny Bagucci: LOL. I no know wetin make find you come here ooo. But you should definitely install it for your blog. And I would definitely like to know what Afrobabe's top search is. Hehehehehe.
Vera and Oral sex, who would have thought?
Hmmn I am inclined to agree with everyone who mentioned Afro’s blog.
Wondering why is everyone trying to take Temite’s crown…
Yes, google analytics does rock! I have had it on all my sites since day. The searches weird me out too. It’s amazing how many people out there search my full name..they go as far as searching my cell phone # too. Your searches are quite interesting!
VERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*panting…catching…breath*
I’M BACK BABY!! now wat were u saying…?? Dangggg dude the heck, hmm shd I be worried about u?? more than b4 that is lol. I hail u, u don become a network of your own… i commot yansh! one gbosa along with that. lol
stop by sometime eh 😉 ….
*shamelessly plug self*
MAKE UNA CHECK A SISTA OUT OOO… tehehe
Oral sex…hmmm I hope thats not what Verastic means in Latin or greek?
Na wah for peoples oh!!
hmmmm off to install it and see what brings people to mine…heheheh..I have a feeling i wont be shocked…
LMAO.The kinds of stuff some are curious about are real funny!!
Hmmm. People are getting their freak on reading ur blog. U should be happy that you are God’s little helper in one of his commandments ‘Be fruitful and multiply’ Let’s just hope there are less ‘solo- lovers’ out there.
Lmao..Very funny..
I wonder what the google analytics will generate for Afro Babe..
Nice one Verastic lyrics..hmmm Livin
Seems like there’s some ‘oral sex’ database overrr herrrreeeee!!!! Hmmm, Vera…is there something I shd know? LOLLLLLL…
Women taking extenze…ahhhh! Whoever is asking that question should pls stay clear…lol.
The “tombstone” of Naapali’s blog eh? Vera…you’re too funny…LOLLL…(I miss his blog though…I really do…)
lol wow..this was somn else..
Ah Vera, this is the funiest post ever! I was laughing so hard my abs hurt! wetin be all this question with oral sex sef eh? lol… oga oh..
How are u hon.. have a great week ahead.. much love
Just came to say I’m back and I miiiiiiised you. You and ya craze!
Why are people associating your blog with sex? They don’t know that you’re holier than the Pope himself.
Interesting. I have GA installed on my blog and even though I have an ebook on the subject, I havent really done justice to it….hmm, off to log onto GA.
Thanks for dropping by my blog and the encouraging comments.
Luscious Ron: I dunno what is up with everyone and Temite’s crown ooo! But e go better. The search for sex on Verastic.com is obviously a conspiracy, but e no go work 4 them. lol.
Folake: Don’t blame them; they want a piece of the wewe clothing maker. I no blame them ooo! How bout you gimme the number and I’ll auction it off to the highest bidder then we’ll both be rich. Hehehe.
Str8 Up Desired: Ah, my dear, two gbosas for you for coming back. God dey. Me sef, I commot yansh 4 you too. lol.
Afronuts: LOL! You’re not serious. A whole Verastic to mean dat kin thing ke? U go wound ooo! LOL
Afrobabe: If a blog as innocent as mine could come up with so much sex-related stuff, I can’t even imagine yours. Yikes! lol.
Rose: Tell me about it. Strange things are happening, my dear.
Nefertiti: I don’t wanna be God’s little helper in this area ooo! lol. Me, I wanna be a fisher of men for God.
SpicyTee: In fact, I don tire to dey think of what Google Analytics will come up with for Afrobabe’s blog. The thing fit tear pesin eye sef.
Jaycee: There’s nothing that I’m not telling you oh. Babe, you know now! I no go fit lie to you. Hehe. I dunno what these people are talking about. I wish a woman would talk Extenze; I’d like to know what happens. As for Naapali, I miss him too.
Remi: Unfortunately, I don’t understand all the sex questions either (or why they’re bringing people 2 my blog sef. lol). E go better sha!
Naijaleta: Abi oh my brother! All these people are tryna spoil me for my mommy, but it’s all good. E go better. You’re welcome back. Thank God. No dey disappear like that again o
Aloofar: Apparently, it isn’t! Who woulda thunk it? lol. But I’m sure you knew already…hehehe
C. Ezeh: You’re welcome!! Hope you put GA to good use. It’s quite interesting the things you’ll discover.