Ah, my life. So here is what happened to me yesterday.
I was jejely sitting at a table in the public library, my laptop on and running with my online class displayed. I was supposed to be studying, but I was engrossed in my favorite author, Eric Jerome Dickey’s book, PLEASURE, a book that had way more sex plots than I cared for.
As with every other good novel I have read, I was totally, unashamedly into the book, oblivious of my surrounding and the pair of eyes that had been watching me. But he interrupted my flow. The conversation that followed between us was fast paced and familiar in an unfamiliar way.
Him: What book are you reading?
Me: *taking my eyes away from the book and lifting my head to see a young guy standing on the other side of my table* Uhm… Pleasure by Eric Jerome Dickey.
Him: So why do you have your laptop on?
Me: I’m supposed to be using it.
Him: Why don’t you use the ones here? *referring to the library computers*
Me: Cause I have mine.
Him: But these ones are free.
Me: So is mine.
Him: Are you writing a paper?
Me: No
Him: Is it (the book) for school?
Me: No
Him: Are you in school?
Me: Yeah.
Him: What school?
Me: XXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXX
Him: What are you taking up there?
Me: Psychology.
Him: Oh, cool. So can you read my mind?
Me: *laugh…this is a question I have heard too many times* Not yet.
Him: Want to know what’s on my mind?
Me: *smiling, realizing this dude was flirting with me* Tell me.
Him: I can help you; you can help me. You feel me?
Me: No, not really.
Him: Can I come over and draw it for you?
Me: Sure.
Him: *comes over to my right side. Draws two stick figures, one being me, and the other him. A bent arrow extends from my stick figure to his stick figure and another arrow from his stick figure to mine* Got it?
Me: *shaking my head* No. Tell me in words.
Him: *Pulls a chair and sits by my side, less than an arm’s length away* You help me; I help you. We help each other. Cool?
Me: Cool.
Him: I might become crazy tomorrow, and you’ll be my Psychologist.
Me: Okay.
Him: I know a lot about cars. Maybe I could fix yours some day.
Me: Cool.
Him: So maybe we could have ice cream, see a movie some time.
Me: *smiling uncontrollably, with much shame* How old are you?
Him: How old are you?
Me: I asked first.
Him: And I asked second.
Me: So answer first.
Him: Save the best for last.
Me: Tell me.
Him: How old do I look?
Me: Don’t know.
Him: Guess.
Me: I’m bad at guessing.
Him: Practice.
Me: I did. Failed woefully @ it.
Him: I’m 18.
@ this point, I lowered my head in SHAME.
Him: Hold old are you?
Me: XX
Him: Cool.
Me: No, not cool. I’m XX years older than you.
Him: I know. I can do math.
Me: That’s a lot of years.
Him: I know.
Me: You can do math.
Him: Yes. So what’s up?
Me: *smiling* I can’t do this.
Him: Why not?
Me: I’m older than you.
Him: So?
Me: So…I can’t go see a movie with you.
Him: So you can’t have a relationship with an 18 year old?
Me: No.
Him: I’m legal. It’s not like I’m 17.
Me: I know.
Him: I should have lied and said I was 21
Me: I’d still be XX years older than you.
Him: You wouldn’t date a twenty-one year old?
Me: *shaking my head* I wouldn’t even date someone my age.
Him: So you’re saying you can’t learn anything from me?
Me: I didn’t say that.
Him: So you can learn something from someone younger?
Me: Yeah, but not in the way you want me to.
Him: Can we be friends?
Me: Sure.
Him: Will you call me?
Me: I’ll think about it.
Him: When will you let me know?
Me: When I’m done thinking about it.
Him: *looks at me funny like he could see through me, his look betraying his unbelief in my words* If I walk out of here, I might never see you again.
Me: I come here all the time. *lies*
Him: I don’t. So you’re gonna call me?
Me: Yes.
Him: How were you gonna call me? You didn’t even ask for my number.
Me: I was going to. *lies*
Him: When?
Me: After this conversation *lies*
Him: *laughs* Who are you gonna ask for?
Me: You
Him: You didn’t ask for my name.
Me: Was going to.
Him: When?
Me: After getting your number *lies*
Him: *looks @ me in that way that woulda made me tingle…if he was a man* What’s your name?
Me: Vera *truth*
Him: Let me put my number in your phone.
I hand him the phone, he puts his number in and saves it under his name, Hakeem
A little girl is lurking close to him, about 11 or 12 years old. I ask: Is she your sister?
Him: *smiles* Yes. She’s not my daughter.
Me: I didn’t think she was. *truth*
Him: *stands up, stretches his hand out to shake mine* I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you, Vera.
Me: *shaking his hand* You will. *LIES*
He was fine, no doubt. The conversation flowed well, almost literary and poetic, but after all was said and done, he was still 18, and I was still XX years older than him, unwilling to become a cougar. All I could think about were the insults I will receive from my big-mouthed friends, Uju & Busola. I could just hear the insults in my head:
- So Vera, are you taking your man to Mickey D for a happy meal?
- Is your man at the baby sitter’s place?
- Vera, were you his date to his high school prom?
- Have you ever changed his diaper?
- Busola will say, “Look, Hakeem, just because you’re dating my friend does not mean you can disrespect me. After all, your mates call me Aunty.”
- What’s your favorite Gerber flavor?
- Vera, have you fed your man his bowl of cerelac?
- What size does he wear, 2T or 3T? (‘T’ stands for toddler in children’s clothes).
Kai…. my Verastic life!
**** Hakeem is not his real name. And yes, this is a true life story.*******
LOL
Sheeeesh…i haven’t laughed this hard in a long while….
Thanks Vera!
http://www.folayemianifowoshe.wordpress.com
lol too funny – was just talking to my friend about a similar story this morning – this boy I met through work started calling me outside work and I thought we were going to become friends – until he asked when I was going to invite him to my house – che my house ke? we are just friends that jist o- the boy will have to call my junior brother uncle:) off to meet him for coffee today hopefully i won’t laugh in his face as I have laughing on the phone 😉 hehe
buahahahahahah, yeh, vera am calling u rite now… how come imissed this juicylicious gist… i don slack.
lmao…too too funny…the questions in your head are the bomb…I love your friends…
Similar thing happened to me with a blogger recently…he was mailing and I was replying…harmless flirting…sexual inuendos…then he told me his age…7 yrs younger…the flirting had always been innocent as I never intended to meet him…plus he was in another country but kai….I no fit continue…
CRADLE SNATCHER!!!
Lol, so young guys have tight game like that? Its a shame….but you can still call him? the older ones prolly dont have as much game sef!
@Afrobabe: u’ve been flirting with a youngr blogger? i’m going to tell!!!
Folayemi: LOL. Keep laughing @ my expense ehn. Life is soooo not fair! A cute guy with a lotta game approached me and he had to be 18. Not fair!
Anonymous: He’ll call your junior brother ‘Uncle’??? LOL. That is hella funny. I can’t imagine that. Too bad my guy was younger. Too, too bad!
Funmie: Yes, you have slacked a lot.
AfroBabe: Yeah girl, the age thing is a major liller men. Ah… if only he was younger! Shoot, I’m mad oh. I feel like God is teasing me big time. LOL
Bumight: You’re not lying @ all. I don’t think I have had such a nice conversation with an older person. The conversations I have with the older guys is usually along the line of, “So how many soups can you cook?” LOL.
aaawww Vera…
dont restrict yourself… be free… let go… just have fun… but I think you should ask to see his license… he may be younger… lol
girl… work it…. cradle attractor…
so you’re worried about insults… girl when it comes to love… you let it all loose… LOL
I think you should definitely go out and see where it goes…
well at least just call him
lollllllllll
U r a psych major? Cool. I just graduated last yr with a Bsc in psychology. I don’t know what makes people think u can read minds cos u studied psychology.
As for the 18 yr old, it happens.
omg omg omg!!!
lahahahaha….
O gosh I cant comment in this condition…
ok yeah am back…mehhhnnn…I dont envy ur situation at all!!!
Diamond Hawk: After calling me a cradle attractor, you’re telling me to go ahead and be with him abi? Heck no! I don’t care what his ID says oh. I’m not even gonna call him sef, so forget is! I know that age is just a number, but me, I cannot look past it @ allll!
Sting: Oh, you’re a fellow Psych babe? Kool. I guess once you learn to analyze why people do the things they do, it must mean that you have become a psychic to read their minds. LOL. As for the 18 year old… *sigh*
Charizard: Whatever!! Keep laughing ehn. You will get yours some day. LOL.
Hmm.. now u are picking little kids up in the library? hmm Vera.. why.. a fyne lady like yourself.. why.. I told you my my cousin in the village is still available and we are ready to deliver the goat and chicken to ur papa…
So which library are you going next. lol
Mr. Xprexxion: LOL. Very funny! I’m not laughing oh. My dear, it’s not me picking them up oh. I just dey on my own, small pikin begin to follow me. I am not responsible for his actions. Haha. As for ur cousin in the village… no comments!
Omo mehn God forbid it o… I cant possibly get any more than I already have…ahnahn u harsh o vera!
You this Vera gal (lmao).
But thye say age is but a number. So why cant you date ur age mate or a younger person?
Fill in all these XXXXXXX stuff o. I wan read the correct thing. Curiosity (lol)
Charizard: LOL. That one na your business. As you have laughed me and not envied my situation, so shall I laugh @ you and not envy your situation. Just wait & see… *wink, wink*
Standtall: Yeah, age is but a number, but abeg, I no fit. I cannot look past his age – no way! I usually look past the age of people that are a lot older than me, not the ones that are younger (or my age). The XXXX stuff is for my knowledge only. LOL. But if you send me a check, I might just change my mind.
Ahnahn stop cursing naa…Its not good oh! I talk say I no wan experience am again…abi wetin?
buh really standtall is ryt…age si buhrra number na…u 4 give the boi a chance naa…LOL…hehehehe….as if I would if I were in ur shoes…lmao…
LOL! U wan kill me-ooo!!! From fleeing Mr. Kisser to cradle robbing … my sides are busting!
Charizard: Ehn? Wait, wait, wait. Gimme details here. How much younger are we talking??? Five years? Ten? Fifteen?? I said gimme details o!
Nneka: Na so I see my life oh lol. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse. LOL.
Name the check jooooooooooooo and tell me where I shd pay it to. I want that info (lol)
LOL… Ahhh! The burden of Nigerianness…. Since his game was that tight maybe should have…. well… ohh… maybe…
Please include this your book of short stories for single Naija women, or single women or whatever…:)…I don’t know if you’ve already written a book of short stories, but I have a feeling you’re compiling one. 🙂
Oh my gosh! lol!…that was hilarious but its also a real shame!
U damn right fool. Ur litle boyfriend will have to call me aunty o because he is my younger sister’s age. What none sense?
all of una looking down as younger men, make una wait till u knack 45. 10 years younger, or even 15 years younger will b da hunk. his bulge driving u crazy! his muscle teasing u senseless. his eyes clear & bidding u 2 come hither! lmao
Standtall: LOL. It has to be an blank check. The only thing I want on it is my name and your signature. That’s all. When I get it, we can talk.
Archiwiz: You know what? I’m actually not compiling a short story kini, but now that you have mentioned it… hmmmmm. Interesting!! But like you said sha, Nigerianess is a big burden.
Tiwalade: I know, right? It was a bad thing that was hella funny. God help me.
Anonymous (Busola): I don’t wanna send thunder to fire you right now because I’m in a good mood, but wait till I see you tomorrow. I will show you pepper.
Free-Flowing Florida: Until then! God forbid say I go reach 45 still dey single. I musto find him b4 then. Needless 2 say, a man who is currently 10 or 15 years younger that 45 should feel very free to apply RIGHT NOW. Let his “bulge” come and drive me crazy and let his muscle tease me senseless. Why not, if not? LOL
Help!
I’m dying of laughter.
Dis Vera sef 😉
You this girl!!!
Aloofar: LOL. Keep laughing oh. Just wait till I get my hands on you then you’ll see.
Standtall: LOL. Are you backing down? Don’t oh. Send me my blank check asap.
Lailai…ma shame will not let me say it out…haa…ehnehn…wetin ma eye c ma mouth no go talk at all!
hahahahahahahahahahahahaaha,i figured he will be dat young.such fresh blood with those kinda lines.Awwwwwww
i dont blame busola oh,i can imagine myself sayin sumtin similar…
Charizard: Oh, come on, tell me. You don’t have to tell me your age or hers. Just tell me the difference in age. Tell me. Pretty please.
QMoney: LOL. That was the exciting thing. He was so young… yet his lines were so old. And his voice… goodness! Mm mm mm. So you’re taking Busola’s side abi? LOL. Okay.
Me bail ke? O ya send ur fax number make I fax u the check. or na to scan am?
lol… Wetin you fit do?
Vera, seriously I think you just allowed Uju and Busola or what are there names, spoil your fun. From your account, the guy had lyrics. I completely agree with FFF.
What makes you think Uju and Busola wouldn’t have jumped at the opportunity you threw away. Take this from a guy, call him and take it up from there.
Standtall: I no dey do check for fax oh. Lailai! I want a paper check. Check my profile for my address.
Aloofar: You don’t wanna find out what I’m gonna do to you… or do you?
Naijaleta: Well, it’s not as if my main reason for refusing to call is because of Uju and Busola. Rather, I have to be realistic about the whole thing. He’s 18 and I’m XX. We are NOT on the same page @ all.
put a cherry on top of that and I jus myt divulge it…now Update NOW!
Charizard: *putting a cherry on it* Oya answer me quick quick. Tell me biko.
8 years…
Vera, you and your crazy life! Attracting 18 years olds now? Hmmm, you should never say never though.
It’d be a shame for you not to call @ least! Come on, you said you can learn something from someone younger! So give learning a try 😉
I won’t think too much before going out with an 18 yr old girl.
That’s legal isn’t it?
If an 18 year old was that attracted to you,I can imagine how beautiful and sexy you are.But you liked the guy,why withdraw?Look, Uju and Busola will only be envying you when the sparks start flying for real.Go get some fun,girl!
Omo, the guy put his bid in, he might have been elected…but if it was me, I would not have revealed my age…
This is where he messed up – Him: Hold old are you?
STRIKE1 – Him: Can we be friends?
STRIKE2 – Him: Will you call me?
Me: I’ll think about it.
You never seize to amaze me with your experiences…
Charizard: But that’s not bad though. I wouldn’t mind dating a man who is 8 years older than me. But wait oh… how old were you exactly? LOL. *putting another cherry on top*
Favored Girl: LOL. I’m not saying never oh. I’m just saying, “no, thanks. Maybe some other time… like never.” LOL Okay, maybe I’m saying never.
Babzent: I can’t oh. I just can’t. LOL. Next thing, people will be asking if he’s my nephew. Hehehe.
Tobenna: But see, it’s different for guys o. I will not think too much going out with a man who is like a decade older than me. In fact, 15 years sef, I will not think too much. But a guy who is younger than me??? Kai!
Africa Entertainment & Sports: LOL. I’m hoping I was indeed looking sexy to him. In my opinion, I was not looking too fine..lol. But it’s not like Uju & Busola are the sole reason why I will not pursue something with him. Rather, I just couldn’t get past the age. I just couldn’t. Still can’t.
NotJustOk: The guy was just being very honest, I guess. But boy, he had game oo! He was fine and seemingly intellectual. Some of the older guys I talk to, they burn my brain cells.
This is way too funny….it reminds me of me. I don’t know if its my looks or what, but i get a lot of lil ones trying to talk to me and i always get the same thing the dude said to u…”So you’re saying you can’t learn anything from me” or something similar. Then i say to myself…hell no i can’t learn ish from u…unless ur boy genius. even with that i still don’t think it will happen. Too hilarious…
Titi: Really, I don’t think I cannot learn anything from them, but I think I just refuse to learn anything. It’s so sad and stupid, but it’s the truth
lailai…I don tire for cherry update furst!
Charizard: LOL. You don tire 4 cherry ke? Okay, wat else do u want? Just say it (apart from an update…LOL) I will still update but I have not typed it up yet.
This was hilarious. Your friends are something else. I just kept laughing while reading the post. I once wrote a post on dating a younger man…well let us know if you eventually call him sha. lol.
Hmmm, after all’s been said. ’tis obvious you choose not to get past the age. Fair, as in really fair. But, maybe next time….you ask not the age, that way, it wont be an issue? Abi.
But, come to think of it, ’tis often claimed opposites (compliments) attract. Maybe, an 18 is a fair compliment of XX. Think thee not?
TaireBabs: Sure babe, I’ll let you know if I call him…but I’m pretty sure I won’t. LOL. Can someone ask me why I have nmot deleted his number? LOL
RedHots: Mba oh. I think not. LOL. I had to ask the age abeg. I knew he was younger than me. Last thing I needed was to be arrested and branded a child molester. Tufia kwa! If he had not told me his age, I woulda still said no cause I knew he was definitely younger.
update already babe… dis ur blog is getting too boring for my lifeyyyy
haha i can so relate
Met this guy at a party a while back..he got me a couple drinks..we flirted a lil’ and then I found out he just turned 18! Chei, even though im 20..i never date people in my age bracket…i felt like a perv…
OMG!!!This post absolutely crack med up!!
Vera now…nothing wrong with some cougar loving…nobody said u had to marry him. Dont be underestimating these younger guys oh!!
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lmao.. this shit is funny as hell especially since something VERY similar happened to me last summer… i swear this is like deja vu.. dude was sexy as fuck… same age oh… 18.. i was 21.. omo i no fit try am oh… as innnn… lol the link on my blog is… http://overwhelmednaijababe.blogspot.com/2007/07/barely-legal.html
Funmie: I’ve updated, so stop bugging me biko. *HISS*
Nigerian Drama Queen: Yeah, girl. I feel awkward about dating someone in my age bracket too. At least, the 18 year old was in your age backet. For me, that wasn’t the case @ alllll.
Elle Woods: Why do you sound like you’ve experienced this cougar loving thing? LOL. Tell me, please. I’m all ears – or eyes.
Blogville Idol: Thanks, I go check am out ASAP.
Overwhelmed: LOL. Isn’t it just painful? Why did he have to be young? Why now? And by the way, stop copying my experiences! Yes, I know yours happened first, but so what?! LOL
Lucky you! I wouldnt mind that kind of attention. Would boost my ego no doubt.
Cradle attractor! U do have a way with words. LOL!
Aaaaww too bad but LOL xoxo
Calabar Girl: You’re married, so of course, you won’t mind that kind of attention. Me, I’m still seriously and actively searching for Mr. Right, so an 18 year old is an unwelcome distraction. LOL
Nogo: LOL. Yeah, too bad for real. I don suffer.
Bwahahhahahahahahahaaha! Gosh that was funny.
Ok, babe I’ve been there but from the reverse angle… I was the 18 yr old and the chick was older.
I got her to spill her age then I lied and told her I was (her age) – 1yr. We ended up going out for a little less than a year but I confessed my real age a few days into it.
So from experience let me say that all the game in the world doesn’t necessarily mean you’d have the benefits of a mature relationship.
Ours wasn’t a really good relationship. Especially for her. I was way too immature and had my education on women matters from a combination of Snoop Dogg cds and Fresh Prince of Bel Air episodes.
So I’d say you saved yourself some pain and possibly the sort of apology I sent to my ex much later.
Simply put… stay OUT of cradles.
The Explorer: Thank you, my brother! You’re one correct man. Everyone has been telling me to take a chance. Take a chance on an 18 year old boy??? I didn’t even date 18 year olds when I was 18…and I don’t have time to be ‘testing the waters’ LOL
Vera, take this from some who has (and currently still is…) robbing the cradle. Fashi Uju and Busola…jare…don’t hate it till you try it. My beau is 5 years younger and he is incredible!!!
Rosie: For real???? Dang! Ah, well, honestly, it’s not like I think that ALL May-December souls will eventually dissipate, but I just don’t think I have it in me. But I’m hella jealous of you sha. Babe, na you biko.
you have given me a new author to research and read. Eric Jerome Dickey’s book, PLEASURE. im sure it will be a good read
Jaguda: It will definitely be a good read. But come oh, what is it that makes you wanna read it? Oh yeah, the sex plots. LOL.
infact im ordering it asap. of cos the sex plots, also how the sex plots are construed and the characters behind them. gracias. when will u open your green eye?
Jaguda: My green eye stays open. In fact, it’s open right now. Come see.
pele dear, thats the problem ith all this agric kids this days