I have been following this story for a while and hesitated to blog about it, but now I think I should. Ray Rice, a Baltimore Ravens running back has been in the news recently for knocking his fiancee out cold and then dragging her and dropping her. It almost sounds like I’m talking about dragging and dropping a picture/document, but no, I’m talking about a person. Before I show you this “incriminating” video, let me first give you a summary of the situation as I have come to understand it.
Ray Rice & Fiancee, Janay Palmer
Ray Rice and his fiancee, Janay Palmer were at a casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey when some kind of altercation erupted between them and Janay spat on him. In return, he punched her. There are two stories after this. First story is that he punched her so hard that she passed out, and this isn’t hard to believe because look at the guns on Ray Rice. Second story is that she didn’t pass out from the punch, but from being drunk. Whatever the reason for her passing out was, there is a video of him dragging her out of the elevator.
Since neither Ray nor Janay has bothered to call me and give me the full low down, I am forced to make my own conclusions. I conclude that I don’t really know why she passed out. But what has been concluded is that she spat on him, and that he hit her after that. People are torn on how they feel about Ray Rice hitting a woman. Some feel it’s absolutely wrong, and as a man and a professional football player, he should have known better. Others feel that she should not have spat on him in the first place. I am one of the others.
I do not condone violence against women under any circumstance, but I also do not condone violence by women under any circumstance either. As my mommy would say, you cannot take the woman and take the money, too – a statement that should not be taken literally. There is also a proverb that says, “You cannot beat a child and tell him not to cry.” A person who starts a fight must stay to fight the fight and cannot complain when his/her favor is returned. This applies to men, women, children, and animals. If you are big enough to give it, then you should be big enough to take it.
For those who say that Ray Rice is an athlete and a role model and should therefore have known better, please take several seats. In fact, take the whole couch and even the sofa \___ Yes, Ray Rice is an athlete, but when someone spits on you (which is an assault by the way), you most likely will have a knee jerk reaction and do whatever your brain first processes to do. Expecting Ray Rice to have first stopped and said to himself, “Don’t do it, Ray. You’re a Raven baller. People are looking up to you … blah, blah, blah” is simply unrealistic. When we feel threatened, our bodies naturally decide to fight or flight, and in this case, Ray Rice decided to fight. It would have been great if Ray Rice had controlled himself, but he should not be penalized for not doing so.
Needless to say, both Ray Rice and Janay were arrested and detained that night, and they both went home together. In other words, this is probably not a new thing to them. For those who want to fix this relationship and come up with all kinds of theory about what happened and why it did, allow me to leave you with yet another proverb: A house can never be repaired when the owner is destroying it. I am on a roll today!
Now, the video – thanks to TMZ
he should have spat right back at her/ last time i checked spit never hurt someone but a punch does. there is never an excuse for hitting someone no matter the action.
Pendo, that’s exactly my point. I don’t think that he punched her because he wanted to or because he thought it first. I think it was probably a knee jerk reaction. There is no universal law law for how people should react when they ate spat on, but the best thinh is for no one – man or woman – to start anything.
I’m replying this on my phone and for some reason it’s appearing as all caps. Just in case it shows that way on the site, I am not screaming
Agreed! Na wah for these caps ooooo fix am abeg. when you type it’s all caps but once posted it appears in smaller case. i love the new layout by the way so grown upish:)
Lol. Yes, ma’am! I will definitely fix it. It’s the weirdest thing. So uncomfortable.
he can’t win any way. people would have still talked if he had spat back. the best bet is walking away. there are other ways to get his revenge.
vera, it’s you comment box oh. caps lock is off but my words are showing up in caps. are we safe????
Manny, yeah, I just noticed that it’s my comment box. Lol. I’ve sent an email to my graphic designer. Hope to have it fixed soon. Bear with me. But yeah, I agree, he can’t win either way. It’s definitely best to walk away, but he shouldn’t be penalized for not doing so.
To be honest domestic violence/abuse can go both ways and I would feel very angry if someone spat on me-ewwww.
However you do not pull out your tooth because it bit your tongue. A punch today then what tomorrow?
CeeCee, valid point. A punch today, what tomorrow? As I said in the post, I don’t think this is new for them. They have probably been through this before or have been through something close, so unfortunately, it’ll probably go farther than this.
I have dated ladies like dis and it takes the grace of God not to slap the hell out of them…i agree with opinion on this…”A person who starts a fight must stay to fight the fight and cannot complain when his/her favor is returned.”
Thank you, Enny! I just hope that people – both men and women – learn to not provoke other people.
It’s easy to say a punch today then what tomorrow. However from the view point of someone who’s been on the receiving end, it’s not easy.
I am a bloke I’m about six foot four and weigh about 240 pounds (110kg) or so. My wife used to throw stuff at me when we argue. She would slap me, hard several times, tear my shirts, break my chains. This happened several times and I’ll try to walk away but she won’t let me. Now she’s about five foot five and about 60kg or 130 pounds. She’s light in complexion and slim. I say this cos I used to almost shed tears in frustration. I was brought up not to hit a lady and besides I live in the UK, it police were to come to the scene who would they arrest. The big black guy or the pretty lighter skinned lady.
It was not easy, who would I tell that my wife used to hit me? It finally came to an end when one day as she was hitting me I forcibly blocked her blows and restrained her with more force that I would normally do. I also told her family.
What am I saying; it’s easy to blame the guy but if you as a woman would assault a guy you should be ready for the consequence. As the saying goes, if you hold on to the tail of a tiger you’d better have a good plan to deal with the teeth….
I totally agree with the saint. It is as simply as that. “If you can’t take it, then don’t dish it”. The guys are most times on the losing end in these types of battle.
Yup. Thank you, Ola.
The saint, I’m really sorry to hear about what you went through with your wife. I have heard of many cases of women taunting their husbands, and crying victim when something happens. The best thing would be for there to be no violence at all, but unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. Thanks a lot for sharing your story with us, and I wish you the best.
Thanks love.
There is a happy ending to it. Since I told her family it has ceased and whilst married life hasn’t turned out to be perfect, it’s manageable. Now should marriage be managed or enjoyed is a different thing all together I guess.
Marriage should definitely be enjoyed. But I’m hopeful that you and your wife will get there soon 🙂
One question for those that might condone this behavior, if the same sex spatted on you, what would be your reaction? Would it be a spitting match? I know if a lady spits on me, it wouldn’t end well…especially when you don’t know if the person is infected with something and the saliva lands in my eyes or something else…eww. I actually consider spitting abuse and so does the courts, at least the ones I know of. So dish it out and so shall it be dished out to you. Obviously he shouldn’t have probably hit her but I don’t really know why it is becoming more acceptable in this world for women to hit men and it still be okay just because they are considered weaker in some people’s eyes.
Sorry ue or what you want through. It is very unfortunate.
Adabeke, I’m with you on this. It’s not that I support men hitting women under any circumstance, but that I hope women, too, will understand that it’s not okay to go around assaulting men either, just cause we are women.
If you watch the newly released video, you will see as she walks past him towards the elevator, it was HE that spat on her, and she swatted at him… and she did not pass out from being drunk. He gave her a left hook and as she went down, her head slammed against the railing… seems like everyone’s “speculation” on his “knee-jerkl” reaction was completely wrong and unfounded. How about it’s never right to put your hands on anyone. period.