So the post about my 17-day fun ignited a question: Did Mr. Shoes and I get married and go on our honeymoon?
Uhm… no!!!!
Frankly, I am hurt, shocked, and disappointed that you would even think that. What kind of honeymoon lasts for 17 days? Not mine!! I have decided that my honeymoon will last for one year and will include 12 to 15 countries. That’s my plan for now. I just might increase it to 18 months. That way, by the time hubby and I are coming back from the honeymoon, we’ll also have Junior (or Juniors) in tote. How convenient! The idea of not knowing where, when, or how Junior (or Juniors) will be conceived totally excites me. The idea of not knowing where Junior (or Juniors) will be given birth to is also very exciting. I keep saying Juniors because I intend on having a set of confusingly identical twin boys, remember?
A 17-day honeymoon just wouldn’t be enough to accomplish all that I plan on accomplishing – although I currently do not know what it is that I plan on accomplishing. Not to worry, I have time to come up with a list. **Hint, hint** All vacation resorts are welcome to send me free one week trial packages. Did anyone say Sandals?
A honeymoon is a vacation, and while on a vacation, you are not supposed to be working. Instead, you are supposed to be relaxing. And while you are on a honeymoon, you and your spouse are supposed to what — have all the uninterrupted sex you can have before facing reality where bills, mortgage, work, the postman, and friends like Funmie can “break” your “flow” … I think I just totally broke my own flow with the image of the uninterrupted sex + Funmie. Tsk. Tsk. Something about that line just didn’t flow too well with me. I’ll start over in the next paragraph.
So considering that while you are on a honeymoon, you are your spouse are supposed to have all the uninterrupted sex you can afford before life truly begins …. nah …. this line still does not work. I think it’s because I just keep writing about uninterrupted sex for no reason. What I should really be writing is >>> Considering that I want my honeymoon to last for twelve to eighteen months, I have the following questions [Aha! This line works a lot better. Where did all that sex talk come from?]:
- While we’re honeymooning, will I update Verastically Livin? Or will it lay fallow for 12 to 18 months?
- What will happen to Verastically Speakin’ Talk Radio?
- Who will pay our bills at home?
- Will we even have a home to return to after the honeymoon?
- While on the honeymoon, will I be able to get my boiled yam + egg stew fix?
- Will I be able to get my cheerios fix?
- What about lactose-free milk? I wouldn’t want to fart hubby to oblivion. Oh, wait — I would want to actually fart him to oblivion. Issue number 7 is henceforth a non issue.
- How many new pairs of shoes will I be able to acquire while on the honeymoon?
- Will I even have the money to acquire new pairs of shoes?
- At what point will the 12 – 18 month honeymoon stop feeling like a honeymoon and start feeling more like real life? After the first two weeks?
I guess I’ll answer these questions when the time comes. For now, I’ll like to clarify that I am not engaged to Mr. Shoes or any other man – although I used to fantasize about being engaged to Chidi Boyle, a fictional character from my yet-to-be-written story. This is probably not a bad time to write about him. Until then, I’m currently accepting CASH donations for my honeymoon. Thank you.
u are a big fool….. EWU
You already know who'd love to read your fiction pieces, right?
π
Vera I know you love Funmie so much, I can read some worries in between the line. You were worried how life would be without her while u re away on honeymoon….. Dont pretend u would be glad without her
you are such an incorrigible tease!
Chidi Boyle.. Na wah o.. Boyle na Ibo man so?
I think you already have the answers to your questions π Are you sure you want to forget Funmie for 12-18 months?
my friend, if u're planning wedding- let us know jare. Cos all dese coded message- my brain cells are too tired to figure out.
lol! Only you would have a 12-18month honeymoon!! SMDH!!
Since you're not engaged, I don't feel obligated to contribute to the honeymoon. Sorry o!
LWKMDF…what an interesting post…in 12-15 months, i can bet my testicles that you will stumble on yam & egg stew along the line, or have you suddenly lost faith in Funmi?
Lol….Vera why exactly should we be contributing to ur own honeymoon? Are we invited?
This Vera sef, you're the funniest. LOL but you be strong girl ooo Uninterrupted sex for 18 months? LWKMD.
And please write about Chidi Boyle. pretty please.
Funmie: I don't think I appreciate your tone. And that's exactly why you're not coming with me on my honeymoon!
Anonymous: Yes, yes …. I know π That was an interesting chat we had last night. I'll definitely start working on those fiction pieces.
Dollygold: See me see wahala oo. Did Funmie pay you? How much did she pay you? I am not worried oh, biko. I'll be perfectly fine without her – I think. LOL.
Bagucci: See your mouth. What were you expecting to read? You wanted details on my honeymoon en kwa? Okay, why don't you tag along? That way, you'll get a first-hand whatever-you-wanna-call-it. Your thoughts?
Rita: LOL! Hahaha. Yes, I'm sure I want to be away from Funmie for 12 to 18 months. It'll be my honeymoon, darn it! Unless Funmie is tryna bring me some egusi soup sha…
Tigeress: See this babe ooo! The purpose of this post is to kill any idea that a wedding is currently being planned. I am not planning wedding ooo … mind yourself!
Ms. O: Not a bad idea, huh? You're welcome to steal it, if you wish. I won't mind. Hehe.
Good Naija Girl: Okay, maybe I didn't make myself clear. Let me rephrase: You are hereby mandated to contribute to my honeymoon!
Baroque: Okay ooo. Let the records reflect that you bet your testicles. If I don't come across yam and egg stew in 12 to 18 months, you better be passing up your testicles! My future dogs will need something to snack on.
Ibukun: Errr… no! You're not invited. But you have to contribute because it is your responsibility to see to it that I have a blast while on my 12 to 18 months honeymoon.
Myne Whitman: Don't know how I missed your comment. Yes ooo … uninterrupted sex!!! For now, I don't know how many consecutive hours per day will be dedicated to sex. 6 hours? 12 hours? 18 hours? Oh, well! Will definitely write about Chidi Boyle… **sigh** Lord, give me the strength.
LOOOL! Only 12 months?
Why dont u just get married and quit both ur jobs…lool!
Then u can have all d uniterrupted sex u want. Lool
donation………
come take
yeye……….
I totally support the 18 months honeymoon idea Vera. I think you should start planning it now so that you can iron out the issues you raised. Book the honeymoon suites in all the resorts you want to visit, and no matter how long you've been married, keep insisting you are newlyweds to get extra benefits!
Although I think the honeymoon will promptly come to an end with the addition of junior, so you might want to rethink that part…
future dogs? i thought you'd find a more befitting name for your set of confusingly identiacl twin boys? LMBAO…well, if that becomes the case, would you want them boiled, poached, scramled or sunny-side up…?
Very fascinating. I had thought that your honeymoon would be totally occupied with the invention of your twins. And that you knew that once those twins had been invented, the honeymoon as you know it would be over. Because after invention comes nausea, morning sickness (don't be deceived by the term morning, as can last throughout the day) irritation, tiredness, mood swings. I'll stop there. I won't even start on what happens when a third party enters into the mix of you and Mr. Shoes. And no, I'm not referring to Funmie. π
lol..i was also wondering if the 12-18 months will not stop feeling like honeymoon and start feeling like life..you know,a nomad or gypsy's,exciting,no?
it's good therefore that you are getting contributions early.
@ the uninterrupted sex, i couldn't stop laughing,oh, the mythical,magical,uninterrupted sex ..lmao
I really don't think you hve a choice in the matter. If your honeymoon is for a year, you MUST update this blog lol. Oya lemme beg, "Nne Biko"lol
x!
lol…I'm glad u r asking urself those questions, especially nos. 1-4…
Oh dear Lord! You really are a fruit loop! You will kill your husband before the honeymoon is half way through!
You will need to pace yourself oh! LMAO @Sandals!
18 months honeymoon ke, now that is the life..
haba vera, now we have to donate towards ur honeymoon when u're not even engaged! No4 reason cracked me up! we'll rent u an apartment too.lol
Babe, i missed ur blog o!