Would you change your name after marriage
Call me a feminist, if you want, but I really believe that marriage favors a man more than it does a woman. A woman has to give up so much to become a wife, and one of those things is her last name. Not every woman gives up her last name, I know. But as a woman, giving up your last name is expected. No one ever expects the man to give up his last name, and if he does do so in a society where that is not the norm (Nigeria, America, etc), people will frown upon it. If it’s done in a highly patriarchal society like Nigeria, then it will be determined and concluded that she washed her kitty kat into his food, and he has eaten and digested it very well. Really, I wouldn’t want Igwe to change his last name to Ezimora. Wetin nah? Washing the kitty kat though into his food, not such a bad idea 😀
But Pendo brought something to my attention: she wants to know why bloggers and people in general tend to dash the husband’s last name to the woman, even before she has made any change – privately or publicly? Examples: Lola Omotayo who just got married to Peter Okoye last weekend and Tiwa Savage who just got married to Tee Billz this weekend, and people and blogs are referring to them as Lola Okoye and Tiwa Savage Balogun (and Tiwa Balogun), respectively.
In defense of the bloggers and the people who do this, I’d say it’s probably because of the society we come from. Most married women in Nigeria bear their husbands’ names. Some women are quick to change their names on official documents and social media, while some other women do it just on one, but not the other. Therefore, as Nigerians, we tend to assume that married people will take their husbands’ names, so before they do it, we help them and dash it to them.
Pendo, I think, is speaking as an American-Nigerian. I’m only saying this because that is what I get told all the time when I make certain arguments. I am told that my views are skewed because of the country I live in. There is probably some truth to this. When I was a teenager in Nigeria, I didn’t really stop to wonder if I’d take my husband’s name or not. To me, it wasn’t something to even think about. Of course, I would take my husband’s name.
But having lived in America now for most of my life, I feel differently about a lot of things, including taking my husband’s last name. I am pro marriage, but I do not at all put a lot of weight on things like my last name and whether or not our wedding occurred in church or in a garden (believe me, this is an issue). As I write this now, I do not intend to change my name on blog, social media etc, because this is business for me. I have been writing and blogging as Vera Ezimora, so unless there is need for me to change it, I fully intend to keep it that way. Officially and legally, however, I’m still thinking. Igwe is under the assumption that I will hyphenate it, but I really don’t know for sure, and I’m not even giving it any thought right now.
So let me ask you this: Did you/will you change your last name and take on your husband’s name? Do you think that all married women should take their husband’s last names? Do you assume that married women are Mrs. Their-Husband’s-Last-Names?
And for the men: Would you prefer that your wife takes your last name? Or you couldn’t care less?
I’ll let it happen NATURALLY….
natural differs from person to person
but when its forced, we can tell 🙂
I already call Myself Mrs CK… and that’s all natural to me… u see?
Mrs. CK???? Girl, stop tripping. We both know what your real last name is gonna be. I won’t disgrace you and put it here, but you know it! Mrs. O
Lol @Kitty Kat in his food Vera you don craze, Igwe scrutinize that your food well well lol! I agree with you that our society has conditioned us to dash people names immediately the certificate is signed or bride price paid and marriage favors men more than it does women. I believe that the changing of name is up to the couple or the wife the public should not assume until they see the said name change effected by the couple maybe she is not planning to change it for career purposes or personal reasons, it makes more sense to add husbands name to hers than to totally drop her last name when you don’t know which names or name order she intends to use. I personally would be offended if my friends or the public started referring to me as Pendo Blue instead of Pendo Orange Blue, Orange being my maiden name you get my point. You can call me Mrs. Blue no wahala but if you are going to use all my parent given names please use my maiden name and then add husbands name to it. That is my identity before I met Mr.Blue I was Pendo Orange that is what is on my school certificate, birth certificate, passports all my official documents that is who I am that is who people know me as Mr.Blue just added to my goodness. That being said just like Vera if my parent given names are the ones that made me famous trust me that one is not changing I will add hubby’s name everywhere else apart from my art/career/professional name, that will remain what I started out with because not only is it my identity but also my brand. I admire Omotola and her husband as young as she was when she got married 18 or was it 19 they kept her maiden name he could have said no you have to use Omotola Ekeinde and that is what we would have known her by but no we know her as Omotola Jalade Ekeinde and that is commendable. Keeping my maiden name does not mean I love my husband any less because our marriage is a merger, a partnership not a takeover. One of my aunt’s got divorced 20 years ago to this day the woman still carries her ex husband’s name why now? meanwhile the man remarried eons ago and has another family and abuses her for holding on to his name and she won’t budge and it is not even a famous door opening name oh that one I could have understood small maybe it is because she never remarried but if it was me I would have reverted back to my maiden name.
Oh and someone reading this with me just added an interesting perspective she says when it comes to the super rich and famous she means old money people with the door opening kind of names people are not so quick to dash them their new husbands name as in daughters of presidents, famous actors, musicians and the likes who get married still get Daddy’s name used when referring to them after the marriage they even hyphenate it for them in advance sef lol Vera I hope you will sleep well this night I have commented twice!
Oh, that does make a lot of sense! Like if it’s Obasanjo’s daughter or something or like Ojukwu’s daughter. Mmmmmm. Good point. And yes, I slept very well. Thank you.
Lol at your aunty. You know in Nigeria, there is still a big stigma over being a divorced woman, and there’s an even bigger one for women who return to using their maiden name. It’s like going from grace to grass (to them). Me sha, I love Ezimora. It’s not a door-opening name, but it’s my name that I was born into, and I love it.
Truth be told, I’d rather keep my father’s last name. I don’t like that I’m expected to forget where I come from, forget that I’m an Ogonigbo girl, forget that I’m my father’s daughter, etc. Coincidentally, our family last name is from my paternal grandmother (cultural thing because she’s the first child in a family without sons).
Wooow. I have never heard of that culture before, but that is pretty damn cool. In other places, the man just goes and acquires as many wives as his heart desires — because he’s the man, of course.
The combative part of me that constantly desires to rail against the machine/patriarchy says screw taking my husband’s name, why should I? <–no one has EVER given me even a halfway decent or logical answer to that question i might add! But realistically, I doubt that i'll put up any kind of fight. I do assume that married women are Mrs Husband's last name. That's just "the norm" and it honestly wasn't even til a few years ago that the notion every even crossed my mind that a woman wouldn't change her name because again, that's the norm.
I however am not quick to dash names to anyone, famous or otherwise. I have friends that have been married for years, even ones who's wedding i was in, that i still call by their "maiden name" lol. But i guess that's just force of habit.
Lady Ngo, I don’t think anyone can ever come up with a logical explanation for why a woman must change her name to her husband’s name. When it comes down to it, women should exercise their rights to choose. I mean, women choose whether they want to keep a baby or abort it, so why not their last names?
I kept my name, does not mean I love my husband any less. I felt forced to take the name on and in a way I stubbornly hold onto my name. Of course older relatives do not get this and they call me Mrs S but I am sticking to Winter Nights. The kiddies are all Baby S1 and Baby S2.
Winter-Nights, norrin do you! And I totally get where you’re coming from with stubbornly refusing because you felt forced. I would have done the same thing, too. I don’t like being cajoled into doing anything, especially when it comes to doing something as personal as keeping/changing my name. So go girl!
As for me, I was (already) ready to change my name before we got married, lol. You see, I had always liked the idea of changing my last name after married, hence, in my dating days, I avoided (read, do not date) guys with ‘seemingly not-right’ surnames. Now, I proudly say my first name and married last name, cos I love his surname, a lot!!
Lol. Autoprincess, it’s perfectly fine to do that, too. My friend, Solachi could not wait to change her name either. She was always calling herself Mrs and even referring to her husband as her husband before he proposed. Me? Never! Lol.
Some of my colleagues that just got married change their maiden to middle name, took the husband last name. I’m not really worried or thinking about last name now, when I get to that bridge I will cross it.
Nah. Can’t do that. I love my first and middle name, so I can’t drop any of them to be replaced by my last name. I do like the idea though.
Professionally, I use my maiden name as my middle name and my husbands name as my last name or sometimes I hyphenate, which makes it very long, but who’s complaining? The reason is to ensure continuity for my academic writings, so it’s obvious I am the same person. For all others and for my child’s sake, I use my married name.
Yewande, you have a child now??? Where the heck have I been? Congratulations!
Or Mrs. O. lol
Yup!
Never given much thought to it maybe because I don’t think changing my name will be a big deal…It’s like…natural.
But I do have an issue with people that automatically change names for women. I saw that Mrs Okoye and Mrs Balogun thing, and it didn’t feel right. But hey, it is what it is.. 🙂
Lol at Mrs. Okoye and Mrs. Balogun. For me, the older I get, the more I love my last name.
Ehm…It also depends on how the name sounds o….I’m sure someone will willingly change name from Egbuejiofor to Williams or something nice-sounding.
I agree with others that say that if your father’s name opens doors, it’ll be hard to change it but if your husband’s name opens door, you’d stick it on quicker than wet paint. But then again, there’s the business side to it. Joke Silva still carries her maiden name because that’s what we know and that’s the brand.
Anyway, I changed my name after I got married….we’ll soon start opening doors with that name 😉
I doubth if some people here still know God and what he said about marriage. Let me shock somebody here, those countries we are copying have failed, are we copying those faliure. What is the percentage of successful marriage in america, what is the state of homes, any connection with their present failure? If you can answer those questions I believe you will know why Africans still value marriages and home. To those who love to change Gods plans, to love their names than their husband, search out a sage in Genesis 2:18, and I know you can remember you said you do to all in your wedding program.
I think you should just Google Eph. 5:1-end. I wonder what some people will say when they get to heaven. Marriage is never for the man and the woman alone but know that God is involved and what does he seeks Malachi 2:13-16. Western styles are beautiful and appealing but is it really working for them these days?
Adebayo, it’s important to have knowledge before you go around spreading the wrong information. I’m not understanding what you’re saying. Are you implying that a woman’s decision to keep her name can cause her marriage to fail? Genesis 2:18 says it isn’t good for a man to be alone. What does that have to do with the man’s last name? If anything, Adam and Eve probably didn’t even have last names. If they did, the bible never mentioned it. And I know for sure that when anyone gets to heaven, God’s question would not be, “Why didn’t you answer your husband’s last name?” Taking last names is a cultural, not spiritual thing. And err, taking the husband’s last name actually originated from the western people. So go figure.