The royal baby is finally here. He came today at 4:24pm U.K. time and weighed 8lbs and 6oz. He is the third heir to the throne. Peeps are excited, and maybe it’s me, but it seems like Americans are even more excited about the baby. He’s probably already a U.S. citizen. Igwe and I talked about it, and we have come up with a hypothetical sequence of events, if the royal baby was Nigerian:
1. The street neighboring town to where the baby was born would be blocked off from the commoners.
2. Overseers of all the major church denominations would be at the hospital to pray for the baby and bind and cast all evil spirits that may be lurking
3. The baby will be whisked away in a private jet, accompanied by more private jets, full of the royal entourage.
5. One week after the baby’s birth, there will be a naming ceremony. Everyone will perform: Beyonce, Femi Kuti, Michael Jackson, Spice Girls, TuFace, Justin Beiber, Onyeka Onwenu, Elvis Presley, 50 Cent, King Sunny Ade, Chaka Chaka, Fela Kuti, Oliver D’ Coque, Shina Peters, Madonna, and Wizkid.
6. The naming ceremony will have 40 cows, 60 goats, 100 chickens and turkeys, and a cake worth 1 billion naira.
7. The takeaway gifts will be 3 plots of land per guest.
8. The baby will have 27 names, including (but not limited to), Nnamdi, Abubakar, Ezekiel, Desmond Tutu, Adeniyi, Chukwuebuniemenu, Barack Obama, Tamuno, Ronaldo, Babatunde, Nelson Mandela, Elijah, Musa, Eseosa, and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
9. Gifts for the baby will include a 2016 custom made Range Rover, his own island, multiple Swiss accounts, oil companies, private jets and boats, 2 Blackberries, 3 Nokias, 4 iPhones, 5 Samsungs, and several government contracts.
10. A 37th State will be created with his name.
That’s all we have for now. I came up with most of them. What are some of your ideas?
You forgot the proclamation that July 22nd would HENCEFORTH be a National Public Holiday.
The official planning for July 22nd, 2014 (first birthday) would commence and media broadcasts would begin in earnest on July 23rd, 2013 (today), with event vendors bidding for various contracts.
Hahahaha. You’re so right. I totally forgot about the public holiday bit. Tehehe.
How about adverts on all traditional media…especially papers…like, the Honorable Governor Of BlaBla State Wishes to congratulate the bla bla on the arrival of their bouncing baby boy #sigh
I’ll even guess that some did that for this royal baby 🙂
You know, Myne, I won’t even be surprised. I won’t put it past us at all, at all.
I’m almost sure this happened somewhere. We probably didn’t look well.
MsDawari, what makes it funnier is the possibility that it might have happened … and if it did, it’d be totally normal [in Nigeria]
Loooooooool. The ads! Y’ll are killing me here walahi.
aso-ebi nko?
Yes ke! That’s a fo-sho!
How about a new naira note with the baby’s picture and footprint?
Hahahahahaha! I laugh!
Worship and Swag, you laugh because you know Manny is right on the money. Lol.
Hahaha. Maybe they’ll eradicate the current N50 bill and replace it with the Prince’s new picture. SMH.
LOL….but we’re not this bad na what if the baby is igbo and the parents decide to have 7 more kids Nigeria would go bankrupt
OMG! This is so funny. I thought I was the only one who observed that Igbo folks do have a lot of kids; do they live in the same economic clime that we do????
Don’t think so they are experts at doing “business” and their “business” is never specific….lol
I have not observed this at all. This is the first I’m hearing of Igbo people having a lot of children. Per the economic clime, though, since they’re Igbo, they probably live differently. They have the money.
We are definitely this bad oh. I don’t get the Igbo joke though.