It’s funny how when you’re a child, you spend everyday dreaming about becoming an adult. When I was a child, that was my number one problem. I needed to become an adult, so I could do so many things. I wanted to wear make-up. I wanted to have money. I wanted to paint my toe nails. I wanted to be in the University. I wanted to talk to boys without hiding. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have children. I wanted to live alone, have a job, and be in charge of my life. I wanted to grow breasts and have my period. I wanted to go out at night and party till dawn. I wanted to be an adult and not be forced to go to bed at 9:00 PM. I wanted to stay up till dawn. That was my problem: I just wanted to be an adult.
So now, I’m an adult. I have not accomplished some of those dreams, but I have accomplished most. I have a drawer full of make-up. I can paint my face anyway I want it, and I have gotten quite good at it, if I do say so myself. But sometimes, I don’t even feel like doing it. I have money – compared to how much I had when I was a child. But I’m still broke. It’s like the more I have, the more I need. I paint my nails any color I wish. Lime green. Hot pink. Turquoise blue. Whatever floats my boat. But nail polish color is no longer an issue. Who cares the color I paint it?
I am in the University. Sometimes, I feel like dropping out. Too much driving. Too many assignments. Too much stress. I can now talk to boys any time and anyhow without anyone complaining. The problem is that I don’t want to talk to boys. Boys are no longer an issue. Been there, done that. Next ===> I am not married yet, but I still want to be married. Perhaps, I obsess over it more and more – largely because it is an obsession I have grown to fancy. Either that or my booming-career obsession. Oh, there is also the one about going to an all-you-can-eat suya joint. I do not have children yet, but I already have plans for them. I’m already taking notes on how not-to raise my children. I have a job, but I don’t live alone. I can’t actually afford living alone at this time, but if I could, I wouldn’t. That’d be one more ish to worry about.
I am in charge of my life, but I’d rather not be. I’d rather relinquish the charge to God. It doesn’t feel so good being in charge of myself. Too many responsibilites. Too many things to think of. So I’d rather have God do all the thinking while I do the living. After all, He is able. I am not. I have obviously grown breasts – way bigger than I even imagined (need a picture?), and I now see my period – sometimes twice a month! This Ms. Flow that I used to cry and wish for, I now wish she’d not come so often. Wearing a pad for five days and having blood gush out from between your legs in not very comfy. Too graphic, I know. Sorry. It doesn’t help that my waist feels like it’s vibrating when Ms. Flow is around.
I can party at night – all night – till dawn, and I get tons of invitations to do so, but suddenly, it doesn’t seem so appetizing anymore. I’d rather just go home and climb into bed. I can now stay up till dawn (instead of sleeping), but I’d rather not do so. I find myself begging for sleep. Right now, my eyes are a little red. I ought to be sleeping, but it’s the third day, and Verastically Livin’ must be updated. *singing* Sleep, sleep go away… come again another day … little big Vera wants to write.
These days I have new worries: money – I’m broke… I need money to do this and that. School – I’m tired of it. Wanna graduate already. Too many assignments here and there. Work – don’t feel like going. Would rather sleep in. Career – when will it take off already? Will it ever take off? What if it doesn’t? God, I don’t wanna be a liability on my future husband. Husband – that’s another thing to worry about.
Aaaahhhh…. what I would give to go back to being a child. I just want to worry about obtaining the permission to paint my toe nails any color I want to. Want to go back to having a hot pink plastic lunch box with a pretty Jasmine Princess designed on it, packed full with a sandwich (or a little plate of fried yam/plantain) and a box of ribena. Want to go back to assembling in the school hall and reciting how and why children should be in school by 7:30 AM. Want to go back to my canary yellow blouse and grey skirt uniform, completed with an extremely white pair of socks and a pair of brown sandals. Oh, and the hair too. Who can forget the weaving hair styles? The “chookoo,” the “police cap,” the “upside down basket,” and my personal favorite, the “love come down” style.
Ah… the days of sheer bliss!!! JJJ
Am I the first?
Hi Vera, this is a nice post. I guess we all grow. The things we wish for when we're young are no longer as appealing when we grow. The only thing constant in this equation is the will to continue to wish for something. This time it's childhood. And you can get it if you really want…!
Hey, check my travelogue, and tell what you think.
Be good.
Nice….
I also had the same feeling some days back. All i want to be is a child. I guess that cannot be. This is because of the way life is designed. We just have to live by that principle.
We can only revel in being a child. We can only think and imagine it.
You are valued!
i feel u, i got so much on mind am having a brain freeze.
Im tired of growing up!!!i had to be in bed by 8!!infact vera u spoke my mind!!!painting my nails wsnt given any thought cos if i did i would have to use a stone or a knife to scrape it off!!!!i wish i was young again!!!!
Me too — I want to go back to the 'olden days' of just chillaxing and aving ppl wait on me… Sigh. That will never be!
yh i guess we alll feel like dat but oh well…we cant really do much but keep on living. i feel like im growing up so fast, its amazing!
Vera, life is like hunger, laden deep inside the human mind. You just can't fill it up. But we can be happy if we choose to and we can do that by being contended with the results we get after trying.
What's next? we would keep searching for the special person in our chimerical thoughts, the perfect job, the perfect mansion until one day the world will say 'I am no more, I have nothing left to give'.
Just live ya life, you are well appreciated by a lot of peeps besides your family. Just keep electrifying our lives with smiles and watch God do same to you.
Munchas Gracias
Mitterand.
Cyprus
what i would give to be young again!
No worries. Nada.
Only think on my mind is when is my next plate of rice coming?
Damn, i killed the love come down style oh!
And ribena! Oh sweet ribena. how i adore thee. crave for thee! with thy cute little straw š
If wishes weren't fairydusts….
Funny, how we can wait to grow up as kids, and when we are grown, we wish we could turn back the time.
I feel Vera, adulthood can be so complicated sometimes…ur post reminds me of that song " Back in the dayz when I was young..i'm not a kid anymore, but some days I wish was a kid again"
haha… nice, careful what you wish for, you just might get it! On the real though,Matt 6:33-34!:)
LOL. Nice post. I guess its just one of those inevitable ironies of life. Sometimes the anticipation of something isn't as much fun as the thing itself.
and you know if we were to go back to being little we would like it for a few days before we decided we wanted to be grown ups again. You never know what you have until its gone so I guess this part of your life will be missed. When you are etied and sitting with hubby, the kids all gone to uni you are probably going to miss the time before your husband & kids. The time when you were active & working towards something.
lol funny was just talking to a friend abt the same feeling. I just want 2 be carefree again, n i will not fantasize abt adulthood nx time…if it happens…
i feel you. The irony of life..
As much as you claim you want to be a child again, remember that as children, we had very little say in things.
What you really want is to have your life but even better with more options and liberation, be it financial or social.
Nonetheless, my mom told me something very wise – God sees everything and hears our prayers. As such, my sista, your time is coming. Just pray that you will be ready and receptive when the blessings come flowing into your lap.
=)
Couldnt have said it better..wish i didnt have to worry about nothin or have to carry people's burden on my frail shoulders but such is life.. .forward ever ..backward never…..Lovely post ..
OH MY GOODNES!!!! this is EXACTLY how I feel! I want to go back so bad.
lolll@love come down style, vera come n xplain dat one o
Awww i so wish! I loved that love come down! It is the curve in front that I love especially.
LG- Love come down is a curve, patewo in the middle and all bach at the back!
I hate Ms. Flow! I get mine for 7 days. I had to love tampons! Pads everyday for 7 days is a bit much!
I loooooooved the turquoise blue nail polish- hott!!!
Obessesed about marriage? So tell me, why do u want to get married?
I loved being 19-21. You're an adult but yet- still a child.
Worry all day, for 1minute, for the rest of ur life- it won't resolve the issues- so stop stressing- My new moto. The things we fear the most- may it not fall upon us. You will graduate. Having a GREAT career- i do not know but can only pray you do. Husband- u will marry. When? I do not know- when God says so.
i feel you….I'm just in the same pot.
Those hairstyles eh? LOVE COME DOWN. I still do that now sef LOL
hi Vera, love your show. The social circle of Nigerians in the U.S is so tiny! I've picked out a few callers and hosts that I know personally or have met in passing. Crazy but nice too š
It's indeed an irony…
reminds me of one of my hubby's posts on the simplicity of children…
http://fseye.wordpress.com/2009/05/11/where-have-they-all-gone/
I miss my childhood.
Wow. I'm in the same boat as well.
Sigh..if only. The sad reality is that even if we were to go back, we'd still become adults eventually..
I feel you on this one gal!
KT: You're right. The only thing that is constant is my desire and need to continue to wish for something. Aaahhh.
Jesus Freak: Thank you so much for your words. I guess I'm just being a human as usual: desiring what I don't have – until I have it. God help me.
Shade: Aww. Sorry oh. I can't say I don't understand where you're coming from. Just take it one day at a time, love.
Tinu: LOL @ having to use a knife or a stone to scrape it off. That is sooo wrong! LOL. Our parents sha. I kist want God to make a way right now.
Bagucci: If you move into a hotel, people will wait on you. Have you thought about that? Hehehe.
Gee: Yes, we are definitely growing up very fast. One minute you're 19, and the next minute you're … Oh, boy!!
Mitterand: Awwww!!! Thank you sooo much for your words. They're very encouraging, that's for sure. Alright, I'll continue doing what I'm doing, but I'm holding God to that smile He owes me.
Chayoma: LOL! This your ode to ribena… odikwa risky. Hehe. So you too, you killed the love come down style, huh? That style was totally neat – only for the baad chics!
Afrocouture: My dear, na soo oh. In life, we should really not be in such a hurry to get to the next step because when we do, we'll probably miss the simplicity of the old ways. But we'll never know this till we get there. Sad, innit?
Blowing Blessings: Yes ooo!! Seriously, back in the days when I was young… Hmmm. Who would have ever thought that I of all people will wish to be a child again? Not me.
Maxine: Yeah, yeah, I know. It's not that I wanna be ten years old. It's just that I wanna be as carefree and trouble free as when I was that age. I'll go check out that bible quotation.
Ms. Dufa: I totally agree with you. Sometimes, the anticipation of something is not half as much fun as the thing itself.
K: Hmmm! I hear you mehn… on missing this part of my life when the hubby and kids come. I guess I should make the most of it then? Alrighty then.
The Junkie: U only say that now because you're still an adult. Wait till you regress back to being a child.
BSNC: Yes, indeed, the irony of life!! Ko easy @ all.
Solomon Sydelle: Thank you, love!! That your mom ehn, she's my type of woman. That said, I will pray to receive it when it comes. I will pray to not be too scared to receive. And may I not be distracted. AMEN.
Trybes: Awww. No wahala. The time is here for you to stop carrying everyone else's burden on your frail shoulders. E don do!!
Temite: LOL. I can imagine. Why am I not surprised that you wanna go back? Hehe.
LG: Luscious Ron, my able attorney has explained it very well. U sabi am?
Luscious Ron: Seven days? Chei. Sorry oh. Five days sef is a bit much for me. Seven is just pushing it. Yeah, that curve in front of the love come down is so cool.
Tigeress: Y I wanna get married? Uhm… I don't know. I hear you pay less tax? LOL. Seriously, it's not that I wanna get married today. It's just that I love fantasizing about marriage. Has this way of killing boredom. And uhm… I loved your hot pink polish too. Kept looking @ it. Me liked.
Sweet Nothin: You too, huh? Neat. It must be something in the water.
Myne Whitman: You still do love come down? Hehehehe. Picture, please? Now that I think of it sef, I might just vex and do the style too.
Anonymous: Oh, really??? WOW. Kool. Yeah, the Nigerian network is small. Well, it's not small per se, but it's small. LOL – whatever that might mean.
Anoda Phase: Your hubby blogs? Neat!! Oh yeah, children are just so simple, and oh, so favored!
Temmy Tayo: Hehe. Get over it oo! You're supposed to be helping someone else live his childhood. No1 cares about you right now. LOL.
The Nigerian Fetish: WOW. Seems like everyone is going through the same thing, huh? Well, I don't feel so alone anymore. Neat.
Buttercup: I know, right? And besides, the moment we become children, we'll probably wish we were adults again… and the cycle continues.
Enkay: Thanks, babe!! Going thru the same thing ey?