It’s not my Dad’s birthday today, but I just feel like blogging about him. Let’s say I want you to know a bit about the man whose loins I have made proud (eww). Maybe I’ll blog about my mom next time.
In my XX years on earth, I still think my dad is the funniest man ever. He says and does the silliest things. He says & does things that really make me stay up late @ night & ponder about his sanity. Like…
When he farts (and I mean long, loud, stinky farts), he forces us (including my mom) to all hail him, “Ogbuefi!” I think that is the silliest thing ever. It’s bad enough that you have farted; now you want me to praise you on top of it?
***He won’t let us leave the room when he farts. We must inhale the bomb.
***He has an unnatural love for cashew nuts, and I think I love them just as much. Only thing is that I’m afraid of pimples.
***He’s late for EVERYTHING. If he weren’t his own boss, I’m sure he would have been fired for lateness.
***When I was in Naija, we used to go late to church for the dumbest things. Usually, it was because my dad was fascinated by the hens & cocks that were perambulating our compound. So instead of getting ready for church, he’d sit outside and watch them. The funny thing is, I became fascinated by them too. I used to just sit outside & watch them @ odd times.
***Dad would miss church sometimes and tell us to go ahead, claiming that he would stay home and pray the rosary instead. When we’re leaving the house, dad would already be on his knees reciting the thing. When we come back almost two hours later, the man will still be in the same position – except this time his eyes will be red. But he’ll claim he wasn’t sleeping oh. It’s just that he decided to pray the rosary more than once. Yeah, right! lol.
***He has a remarkable ability. He can tell the resemblance between a human being and almost anything. He told some lady that she looked like a maggot. Honestly, she really did look like a maggot. I have come to realize that people often look like weird things to me too. Like this very handsome guy friend of mine who looks like cabin biscuit. I also know someone who looks like a carrot. And I know this man who looks like a cat. But don’t misunderstand me; they’re not ugly @ all oh. They just look like other things to me.
***My dad always gets confused on those roundabout things on the road. He never goes around them once. He must go @ least twice.
***He’s very, very careless. Every time we give him the keys to the house, he loses them. We stopped giving them to him.
***My dad swears that snails look like vajayjays. I don’t eat snails, but the fact that he even said they look like vajayjays makes them even less appealing. Yuck!!! But he eats them oh. He eats anything.
***He’s a meat lover. He says, ‘the maggot in a fish is the meat, so eat them all.’
I could go on & on about this man, but how much time do you have? I look very much like my father, and we get along pretty darn well. He calls me, ‘mummy’ coz his mom has gone to a better place (I never met her). I think I blush when he calls me that. lol. Needless to say, I treat the man like my baby. When he falls asleep on the couch, I cover him up. I dust his shoes for him, I eat with him, I sit on his laps… I do everything. So anyway, maybe it’s because of him I am ‘weird.’ I got my weird genes from him. He got them from his mother. He looks a lot like her. Her name was Susan. He was gonna name me Susan….but Vera happened.
I AM FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY
Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen of the Academy, I use to sit by my computer every night hoping that one day I will be the first on this blog, and with hard work and the major neglect of my school work, I was able to fulfill this beautiful dream. Thank you so much. This is to mother Africa. Viva Afrique. I shall go read now.
awww, that is so sweet. Look at this daddies gurl LOL. Your Dad seems fascinating and hilarious. Im glad you have a good relationship with him.
u shld let him read this.
great post!
@temite-abeg take am easy o!
Temite, go back o your school work. I am beefing you now cos I had to wake up early to be here but you beat me to it. I am second(shrugs not bad)
Vera, I thought I was daddy’s girl. Veratically nice blog!
I can’t have a whole conversation without mentioning my dad. Its good to know I am not th only one.
I will probably blog about mine one day soon
I have tried not to mention him in my blog because of people who are familiar with me. Yay for the good Dads and the bad ones should make a u-turn!
Musco posted before me so now I am third all because I was proof reading. (Huffs)
LOL…now i see where ur madness came from.
U kept saying ur dad did this and u did it too. U guys shared a lot in common. I guess that defines ‘like fada, like dota.’
Eermm…did u like ur farts to be hailed too? *chuckle*
LOL… Your dad is soo interesting…I see where u got ur sense of humour from…
awwww iloveur dad!
hilarious.
he makes you inhale his gaseous excrement?
my own dad forms like he makes no butt air – even thoit has to be the stankiest of the family! lol
you sound like you’re alot like him, with ur ocd tendencies!
aww temite is first.ur no 1 fan! happy for her 😛 even tho i’m sure u gave her expo
@Musco – u dont know how happy I was. I was in shock, I actually gasped out loud in the library and I got shushed by the libarian. I shall continue the jubilation. Una help me dance.
@LusciousRon – Please no vex, this just happens to be my dream and now I can “focus” on school. I beg no vex o
@Geishasong – She didnt o. This is just a result of my absolute dedication to anything Verastic. She should hire me. “winks” as her secretary.
@My Boss – My title = the honorable scretary to her royal Viceness Yao Ming Ezimora. LMAO. Seriously where is my crown.
LOL
fathers
LOL
you made my morning your dad is really one of a kind
pouting…………………considering that today is tuesday,am kinda disspointed in me.
does daddy have a thing for tues as well??lol
me and dis my obsession with days.
aww..lol..it was nice reading this..
i see your father is a cool correct man..and you are indeed your father’s daughter…
Aww this is lovely, reminds me of my love for my dad! Amazing how much of our parents habits we pick up!! I sign my signature like my dad, guaranteed as a kid i always thought his was cool, so copy cat at work…
Yup, this totally explains why you’re such a weirdo! 🙂
Aww, your dad sounds like some you absolutely adore, and that’s wonderful.
I want to report this blog to ur dad…lol…
How can u be writing abt his farts? Veraaaaa…LOLLL
Oh my God…I tot I was alone in people looking like strange things…when I say it my friends just bust into laughter but I swear I see it…
kai that farting one is sssooooooooo funny cos I knew an akwa ibom family that did that too…lol
This post was just too funny. I laughed so much i can’t even remember what i was going to say.
Oh, he told someone she looked like a maggot for real? I can’t imagine someone looking like cabin biscuit. Vera, u go wound oh!
Your dad is super cool to me.. I look like my dad too, aint that weird..
Awwwwwwwww ur post is sooooooooooo sweet, daddy’s girl!!! Your dad sounds really funny!!!
funny post , kinda touching too. sadly i dont have tht kinda relationship with my ol man…see….i even call hm ol man
Temite: Buhahahahahaha. You got me cracking up here, gal. With major neglect of your school work ehn? LOL. I feel honored that you have abandoned your school work for me. Who I be? lol. Yes, maybe I’m daddy’s girl, but I no mind @ all. lol. This chic, you’re really crazy. I’m still laughing @ ur speech.
Musco: I’ll let him read it definitely. I’ll have to print it out though. I can’t let him find my blog. lol.
LusciousRon: Don’t worry, 3rd position is still good. I think there was a blogger called Daddy’s Girl. Dunno what happened to her. But yes, yay for the good daddies.
Afronuts: LOL. Well, so far, I don’t have anyone to force to hail me when I fart. Maybe when I have kids I will do that. lol. No, honestly, I don’t think I will do that.
Rita: Yeah, the man is very interesting indeed. lol.
Geisha Song: lol. See, you don dey accuse me of expo now. I didn’t give her any expo oh (although I admit I thought about it). My dad’s farts are so long and loud that they force you to look for the place they’re coming from coz surely they can’t be coming from a human being! lol.
Temite: LOL. You’re something else for real. You wan make I hire you? Abi you go work for free? lol. You should be the one to hire me sef. I’m sure you don’t wanna work for a broke boss lol. Well, you can work for me, and as payment, I’ll wash your dishes. lol.
Miss Definitely Maybe: Yes, he is. He’s so weird.
QMoney: I almost put a note for you in this post. Really, what is your obsession with days? We need to wash your head in the river.
Aloted: Yes, I am definitely my father’s daughter. He can never, ever deny me – even if he tries. I look and act too much like him. lol
God’s Child: Yeah, it’s definitely amazing how much of our parent’s habits we pick up. I was just thinking of my dad and I realized how much of him is in me. Freaky!
Good Naija Girl: Yes, I do adore him. I think I’m in love with him sef. lol.
Jaycee: Lol. Hahaha. I’m sure he won’t mind sef. He should have thought about that before he started farting and forcing us to hail him and them inhale his stinky farts.
Afrobabe: Thank you oh, my sister. People think I’m crazy when I say people look like other things. My friend couldn’t stop laughing when I told him he looked like cabin biscuit.
Sting: Yes, he really did tell her that she looked like a maggot, and she found it funny – thank God. My friend looks like cabin biscuit. I dunno how to describe it, but he just does. lol.
Life of a Stranger: Oh, you look like dad too? Kool!! We should form a facebook group. Facebook has a group for everything, I tell you.
Pink Lips: He is indeed very funny. I think he’s the funniest man ever. I am yet to meet a man who has made me laugh like my dad. He has an impeccable sense of humor.
Miz-Cynic: Well, my dad and I get along great, but even roses have thorns. I just chose to highlight the great stuff about him. Hope your relationship with your dad gets better.
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….omo daddy
That was beautiful Vera, it made me sad, made me miss my dad. He passed away when I was 6, but we used to do all sorts of things together, and your blog reminded me of some of the weird stuff my dad did…
Like when he used to eat fish, and he’d pop the eyes into his mouth and stick his tounge out at me w/ fish eyes on them (aaaaagh) it always freaked me out.
Or how when the carnival was in town, he’d take me and buy me cotton candy, candy apples, pina coladas (non-alcoholic of course) and then we’d go on the ferris wheel and when we stopped at the top, he would rock the thing back and forth, and I would get so freaked out because I thought it was going to break and we were gonna die (he was a heavy man)
I also remember his love of aliens, and how he watched any special on UFO’s and read every book.
Oh oh oh and my favorite memory: Every Saturday night we used to stay up late (just the two of us) watching scary movies. To this day I still watch horror flicks at night with every light in the house turned off, and I love them, and it’s because of my dad.
There’s so many other things that I could say, but like you said, ‘how much time do you have?’
-Jen 🙂
DeeDee: LOl. **blushing**
SaturnMoonie: Aww, I’m so sorry that you lost your dad, Jen. But it’s amazing that you have such clear memories of him and the time you spent together. Even better is the fact that the memories you have of him are good ones. Some people don’t have good memories of their parents no matter how long they spend together.
dadi”s gal…agbaya like you
Lovely tribute ti your dad. My dad is in town and he is going back home to naija in 3 days….”sob,sob”
Very nice, I lost my dad a couple of months ago and your piece made me…
Vera, this is one of the sweetest blogs ever written.
Ur dad seems so amazing. Very good sense of humor(something a babe can never compromise-by the way, i hope he doesnt make every guy that steps to u boring in comparison?)
So nice. Atleast now we understand where u got ur 'skoin-skoin' from. lol.
And to think he also sees the resemblance between people n things! Some people just don't get it! I remember a guy in my class back in school looked like my best friend's big toe, & a little boy in my neighbourhood looked like one of the smurfs. Tee-hee!
Funmie: I’ll slap you oh. Who are you calling agbaya? You no get respect again abi?
IAmMe: Awww poor baby. You should steal his travelling documents and hide them. I wouldn’t have had to steal my dad’s travelling documents. He would have probably lost them anyway. lol
AbaBoy: Oh, boy, I am so sorry, AbaBoy. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I never know what to say when I hear someone lost a dear one. I don’t think I’m one of those people who can come up with encouraging words of wisdom. But I am truly sorry for your loss, but I do know for a fact that God will always be by your side to comfort you (all cliche not intended)
Vivacious n Chic: Buhahahaha. A guy looked like your best friend’s big toe? lol. I dunno who to feel sorry for now. The toe or the guy that looked like it?? lol. It’s funny you mentioned that thing about guys being boring in comparison to my dad. *bows head in shame* I can’t say I am not guilty, but I am definitely working on it.
wow, obviously u take after him in mo things than looks. ur dad seems like so much fun. ‘ogbuefi’, cldnt stop laughing at that
dis ur papa na character eh! am just waiting 4 d post on ur mom 2 say more
Rayo: Yeah, he really is a lot of fun, no kidding. His nieces & nephews all say he's their favorite uncle. My dad is just a clown.
Free Flowing Florida: My mom is something else for real. The woman cracks me up even when she's not trying to be funny. My friends are used to her now.
Oh my goodnes….LOL…Your pop is hilarious…First off you have to hail him when he farts? And then stay in the room? Oh my goodness….ewww, ewwww, ewwwww…. He seems really laid back, and a lot of fun. Enjoy him joo…ohh..and stop sitting on the man’s leg…agadi like you wan break d man leg? 🙂
hahaha..ur pupcy reminds me of mine…
lol @ someone looking like cabin biscuit.rofl.my brother actually does that..he once said someone looks like recharge card…and am like…how now?
ur dad seems like great fun.
Archiwiz: Call me agadi one more time and I will show you my true colors. How dare you? LOL. Yes, my dad is very laid back…just like me. And I will continue sitting on his legs. Wetin you fit do? Lemme tell you something, Archiwiz, I no dey fear u ooo.
Ex School Nerd: Hahahaha. Rechard card? hahahahaha. That hella funny. I can’t fathom it @ all
It’s a like fahter like daughter’s cse. It’s a simple case really. Waoh, I kinda like your dad
U dedicated a post to Bumight/Bumtight? I don miss a lot ooooo
awww..u r such a daddy girl…but be proud of it jare!
ur dad is hilarious with the whole Ogbuefi thingy and making u inhale it…
HEAVENLY FATHER!!!!!!!!!
did u say C-A-B-I-N BISCUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how D HELL!! can sum1 resemble cabin biscuit!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i’m still tryin to get my head around dat one..
and i thot i was mad!!
LOL Vera @ the farts!!
I couldn’t stop laughing!!!
Standtall: Yes oh, you don miss a lot indeed. Bumight has been blushing about her post. Ask her. lol. And yes ke, like father, like daughter. No try us oh.
Just Toluwa: Yeah, yeah, I know I’m a daddy’s girl. Inhaling that fart no easy @ all oo! LOL. I think it traumatized me.
Mz Dee: You’re definitely mad oh. Biko don’t use me to reclaim your sanity (which isn’t there by the way). lol. You won’t understand, but I know for fact that he looks like cabin biscuit.
Remi Fagbohun: Those farts were terrible! No one should ever have to ever suffer them. If na for America, child services for don come collect pikin since. lol
Ha! I hope you know it’s someone’s father-in-law that you’re bringing to the spotlight?
RE:
U’re so mean. One would have thought that you’ll consider my illness. U still came screaming that familiar word. Update?
You’d better mind the spelling next time… EzimoraH!
Awww Daddy’s Little Girl hunh!!!Your dad’s funny…my dad once told us how his friends used to call him ‘Jimmy’ coz he was a fan of Jimmy Cliff…so now we call him ‘Jimalo’ instead of dad and u should see him smile everytime we call him that!!yup m also daddy’s girl!!
Aloofar: Awww, my darling. Your father-in-law won’t mind, don’t worry. And ehm, don’t be using your illness as excuse to not blog oh. I even pitied you. I didn’t bug you everyday as you can see.
Shona Vixen: We should create a fb group for that (jk). You’d be surprised how many people will join. My humble regards to Jimalo oh!!
Going by all this LOVE radiating btw u and daddy, u r practically taking over his wife’s position now…haba. abeg hurry up and take ur beautiful self to ur OWN husband’s house jare..lol
Don’t mind me Vera, guess i’m just hating cos my dad is not here anymore for me to shower him all my love. i remember him with tears in my eyes right now, he was and is still my hero. Always joke with my mum now that if he were still here, he would have come for my omugwo(taking care of the newborn) and not her.
Cherish the good memories because thats what we eventually hold on to.
Sorry Vera i took up all this space but just cant help it.
Me,
AHS…(Anonymous Hand Shaker)
Anonymous Hand Shaker: I'm so sorry about your dad. Couldn't stop laughing @ the thought of him coming for your omugwo instead of your mom. You know there is a Naija with Osuofia like that; can't remember the name. He went for Omugwuo instead of his wife because he wanted to collect money & gifts & all that…lol. I'm sure your dad has gone to a better place. If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure he's "omugwoing" in spirit. I was looking at your girls' picture today oh, and I thought of you. See, you're confusing me. R u Igbo or Yoruba? You could @ least answer that much, right? Meanwhile, you berra supply me with your home address oh, so I can send that picture to you. If not, I'll just put it up on Facebook as my profile picture. Somebori will definitely tag your name to it. lol. Beg me o!!
I know I left an incredibly witty and smart comment about parental love etc.
– who ate my comment?
Naapali: LOL. Hahaha. We must investigate this issue! Surely, we can’t have that kind of nasty behavior here. It cannot be tolerated.
oh my..ur dad..hahahahahahahahahahah! shit, i cudnt stop laughin!!!!!
LOL @ u thinkin the guy looks like cabin biscuit!!! jeez!
Aaaawww!!!
This is so touching. You inherited his knack for seeing things not like everybody else. You have a sixth sense of the world and how it should be. You are unique Vera, and you got that from your father.
Okay that was corny but you catch my drift…
Madam i am yoruibo…lol…unugo.
Sweetheart, u know i cant put my address here now.
Thanx for ur comforting words, i saw that movie and girl it was hilarious…..Seriously my dad would have come even though he couldn’t take care of babies…
Take care babes.
AHS
LMAO!! Ur dad sounds like my kind of person. He’s definitely hilarious.
spoilt daddies girl. by the way what do i look like.
awwww!tew cute
I feel you Vera, my dad was just like that.. Only when he farted it was ‘Sorry Sir’… I even had friends that’d come to visit and abandon me to chat with my dad… He always told the most amazing stories and was my hero in so many ways… I miss him now… It’s only been 6 months.
Do you ever compare guys you meet with you dad? I do that all the time (being Daddy’s Girl and all). My dad was my inspiration and he’s inspired so many of the youth in our community like you wouldn’t believe..
You dad must be very proud of you! So am I and I haven’t ever met you. Thank God for Vera
Buttercup: He really does look like cabin biscuit. Even he (the cabin biscuit lookalike) thinks it’s funny. Oh, well. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Rosie: LOL. Babe, look, you really don’t have to write all that poetry about me. If you wanna ask me out, just come out with it already. After all, I’ve been noticing the way you’ve been looking @ me. lol
Anonymous Hand Shaker: You know I also have a picture of you on my camera. Yes, I just realized it the other day. Stop hiding oh. I can just go and put it on Facebook and someone will tag you to the picture, lol. Of course, if you just reveal yourself, there will be no need for that. lol. Oh, and I just discovered your name sef, but of course, I won’t put it on here. I’ll keep you anonymous. *wink, wink*
Luvvie: Yes, if my dad is nothing else, he’s definitely hilarious. He’s sense of humor is something else. I love the man to bits.
ChiefO: Stop hating, please. Stop the hate!!
Pink-Satin: Thanks darling. *wink, wink*
Bibi: Awwwww. Sorry about your dad. But like you said, he was obviously the bomb. lol @ saying, ‘Sorry Sir.’ Hahahaha. I can only imagine. Hahahahahaha. That is crazy funny. That’s like when your oga says you’re stupid and you say, ‘Thank you, Sir.’ Hahahaha. You’re proud of me????? Awwwww. Bibi, stop making me blush so much. lol. And yes, I do compare him to other guys oh, especially in the witty/funny/unserious aspect. I can’t have someone who is too serious abeg.
Ada. O nna gi muru gi. Jide ka i ji… Way 2 go, girl!!!
LMAO! how on earth does someone even start looking like cabin biscuit?!
then again, i know someone who reminds me of a mask i once saw in the villa.
Anonymous: Thank you!!! I’m blushing here. lol.
Muse: lol. Honestly, he looks like cabin buscuit. I can’t explain it, but that’s what he reminds me of. Someone looks like a mask? lol. I can only imagine.