I was driving this morning and almost entering someone else’s lane…all because I was trying to peel a banana respectfully, whatever that might mean. So there I was, innocently holding the steering wheel with my left hand and holding the half-way-peeled banana in my right hand, trying to take a bite….which meant putting the banana in my mouth, head first.
Then I looked to my right and saw this oyinbo boy giving me this erotic look. Honestly, I was not trying to do anything naughty to this banana, especially while driving at sixty-five miles per hour on the highway! Anyway, what could I do but laugh?
But it got me thinking. I remember when I was in elementary school in Naija – the age of learning the baddest words. I was in Primary II when I learnt what a ‘prick’ was. I still don’t know why it was called a prick. Was it because of its ability to prick?? Oh, well. I have long found a new name for that member of the body. And no, I do not wish to discuss it. But in order not to be considered as ‘rotten’ or ‘bad,’ we often called it banana instead, which made & still makes sense.
I lived in the North (Jos, Plateau State), so we called the female genitalia ‘toto’ which is vagina in Hausa. But what I do not understand is why toto was also called tomato. What exactly is the resemblance?? The color? The textture? Ugh…! The shape? Goodness, please…not the shape! LOL! Maybe it’s its ability to squirt out liquid. Hmmm. That’s a very disturbing thought because tomato’s liquid comes with seeds!
I do not know about everyone else, but I do not squirt out seeds. If I did, I would have grown more than a few hundred Verastic trees by now. I have had my fair share of peeing on the soil (and it was the good soil too, not that sandy soil that was poor for agriculture). You can thank boarding school for that.
I bet it had to be a man who came up with the idea that tomato somehow looks like toto. Tomato is a fruit that is eaten as a vegetable. It seems to me like tomato is a confused specie, much like the female specie…as men would always gladly say. Besides, what kind of tomato were my Primary II school boys referring to? Plum tomato? Round tomato? Cluster tomato? Heirloom tomato? What???
Don’t tell me I’m the only one who is scratching my head and wondering what kind of tomato I am… or was??? I’m tempted to put up a picture of each kind of tomato, but I’ll respect myself. LOL. I don’t want you to think I’m crazier than you already think I am.
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1sssssssssssssst! im on a roll baby!
2nd… off to read
hahahaha that was funny!
lol @ the lil naughty kid..
u know, it’ll take forever for us to come up wit the logic behind those names..
this is too funny…I have to take a minute to digest it or come back and read again.
now that u mentioned it, the tomato that was cut in half kinda looks like toto
Buttercup: It surely will take us forever to figure it out. It’s been decades since I left Primary II, yet I cannot understand it.
Iwalewa: I cannot believe you just said the tomato cut in half looks like toto. You deserve some major beating. Just wait there for me; I’m coming over to deal with you.
I guess you’d have to take a mirror and explore you area, that open tomatoe bares a lil resemblance….or so I heard.
Abbie: LOL. You know the funny thing? I’m actually considering it. LOL. Hahaha. Oh, boy!
“I do not know about everyone else, but I do not squirt out seeds. If I did, I would have grown more than a few hundred Verastic trees by now.…LOLLL…Vera, only YOU!
ps: I just updated the link. Can you tell mumsie now? And u shd attend too…*bats eyelashes*
oh never mind! we already think you’re mighty crazy already! lol!
Jaycee: Yes oh, only me. LOL. No, actually not only me. Coulda happened to anyone o. Anyway, I’d really love 2 come 4 that thing for real. Can’t imagine the amount of blessings I’d get from that.
Bumight: You berra take that back b4 I vex and come over there to hurt you. Take it back now!
Lmao!!! vera u r crazy i swear1!!
its my 1st time hearing it called tomato..hehehehe
but maybe cos tomato remove the ‘ma’ and u have toto..hehehe
Abby: LOL. Your explanation is even more ridiculous than my post. Hehehehe. We were in Primary II jooo. We were not that smart abeg. The only reason why we could even spell toto was because it was a bad word. We probably couldn’t spell tomato.
@Abby
I feel your ‘logic’.
Removing the ‘ma’ surely makes toto impersonal, who wants a toto that looks like THAT tomato? (unfortunately I have never heard ‘ya’ used with it either)
Sigh
It always has to be the man that is to blame for anything that happens to women. Even calling that place ‘toto'(with an oibo accent) or ‘pussy’ or whatever. At least it sounds erotic.
Banana, sounds horrible. So does prick. You guys suck in giving names to something you enjoy.
*innocent halo on my head*
i’m sure it’s all of the above- the colour, the more censored version of toto, and the fact that girls squirt erm.. red liquid made of erm.. unused seeds..
hahahahahhaahhaha
am a juicy tomatoes!!!!! no seeds sha
The pic of that banana looks like one I used on my profile some time back…but me thinks my pic makes it easier to eat bananas *wink
lmao..I still call it toto with rotten minded naija ppl…like fluffycutething…
Banana hmmmm thats a good name for it…well anything other than member will do..
I actually seem to refer to it as “thing” ie…he brought out his thing
another ie…his thing was small
another ie…u call that thing a prick???
lmao..
want more ies?
Vera vera quite contrary how does your garden grow?
With silver trees and verastic roots that’d make ur mind blow
You dey craze I swear!!! chai chai chai! ahnahn!
Vera! Vera! Vera!
I had a good mind of coming here to slap that your green mouth, coughing spit on my blog,
about me updating, then I read Banana and Tomato! Gosh! Vera, you are one lonney chick!
But really women and there genital have been compared to so many fruits, oranges,doughnut(yes it is a fruit made from flour)strawberries. na wah o!
anyways I still have a good mind to deal with you, butI’ll take me time . Banana head! *hiss*
Verasocoscolo!
don’t mess with the Danfo driver!
look STOP! Hounding me about an update,I have not had time to really blog,
and there no too mach gist to put this minute and am having a writer bloc, cos u know not even has the gift to write on the spot like you.
so will STOP hounding me???
I missed the you
you know I love you babe.
Dont u have anythng sensible to blog about……1st its mr slow and not its bananas and tomato… word of advice, check out other blogs see and learn from them: Bella naija, Mona, 31+, tminx etc…
Samuel A: I agree with you oh. That tomato is a little bit disturbing. I have looked @ it several times, trying hard to force a resemblance, but nothing..!
Tobenna: Buhahahaha. How does banana sound horrible? Okay, well, I guess I see where you’re coming from. LOL. Hmmmm, actually I do agree with you. We’re horrible @ naming things. But how is to say that we came up with the banana name?
Geisha Song: Okay, that was just wrong. That was a wrong, wrong thing 2 say. It was right but it was wrong to say it.
Florida: You’re a little too excited to be a juicy tomato. LOL. Why am I not surprised? Bad chic.
Afrobabe: No, I think I have more than enough ies, but thanks for offering. LOL. This your profile pic na real wa oh. Talk about ikebe super.
Charie: I reserve my rights to not answer those questions. Na by force? LOL.
Omohemi: And they call me crazy??? LOL. Babe, you don kolo finish oh. You need to check yourself in @ Yaba Left immediately. I know some people that know some people that will ensure that you do. lol @ doughnut being a fruit made from flour. Hehehehe. Ain’t that something.
Kemi: No, Kemi, apparently I don’t have more sensible things to blog about, but thanks for reading both of my posts. I’m mega flattered. Stay tuned for the next unsensible one.
first time of hearing banana n tomato paired lyk dat.i knw of pencil n sharpener,rice n beans.but banana n tomato…makes sense thou
Miz-Cynic: Rice & beans???? How?? I've never heard that one oh. Pencil & sharpener, okay. But rice & beans????? No way! I don't get it. How does that work? lol.
Vera, Vera, Vera!
I’m speechless. Banana in your mouth, head first. This image is disturbing. I hope no one else is thinking what I’m thinking 😉
UUUM, IT WAS THIS VERY RAW TEACHER WE HAD IN HIGH SCH(SECONDARY SCH) O.apparently, rice is long,slimmer, beans has the eye which issupposed to be the clit,……are u getting it now???
Lol!
I just concluded that Vera is a case!!! Gbam!!!
Aloofar: No, Aloofar, no one else is thinking it. You're the only one who has a naughty, naughty mind. Out of everything I wrote, that's the only one you could think of ehn? Naughty you.
Miz-Cynic: WOW. This is crazy sha. Your teacher really analyzed the thing o. I woulda never thought about using rice & beans. Interesting.
Fade: I can't do anything but laught out loud with you too. LOL.
Standtall: LOL. I thought you were on my side??? How could you take sides with these… these… these other people?
Lol..
Nice one. There is a guy in my office who delights in asking people what type of banana they like, Big or small. If u are meeting him for the first time, u’ll probably not know the banana he is referring to and innocently answer,lol…
I think the vajayjay is called tomato cos it’s red like tomato,lol…mine aint red tho, more like pink.
Okay too much info,lol…
Mi? (looking around to be sure). How can I take side against you. I am only praising you o (lol)
Vera Tomato!!!
U r an idiot. U and ur dirty mind. I will continue to pray for ur ass. Thats y ur man is slow. (lol)
Aphrodite: I wanted to ask a question, but due to the fact that I am not anonymous, I will refrain from asking. lol.
Standtall: Okay oh, that berra be the case…or else I will just disown you sharp-sharp.
Pink Lips: LOL. You’re having fun with this, aren’t you?
Anonymous AKA Busola: Mind urself o! You can be anonymous all you want, but I still know it’s you. And by the way, stop calling Mr. Slow my man. Stop it oh
Dont disown me oooooooooooo. In fact why u dey threatening mi sef. I vex. Yes, I vex .
When last did u visit ma blog sef? I vex again!!!
Where did my comment disappear to no enhh??? What is this?
Bananas and Tomatoes?
Brings us memories! Don’t ask me what kind of memories though.Lol!
Your write well.
Hi.
Vera, Vera…
I find it difficult to make the connection between a tomato and the [[insert suitable euphemism here]]. Perhaps there have been too-few visual encounters in my life to find any link between the object and the naming. 😉
Standtall: Okay, point taken. You win. ****Vera bowing head and walking away slowly in shame*****
Archiwiz: Are you sure you left a comment? I didn’t see it. And there is no proof that you did – obviously. Would you be willing to undergo a lie-detector test??
Dammy: Aww, see, now I have to ask. Soooo ehm, what kinda memories??? Pray, do tell.
Azuka: I, on the other hand, have had too many visual (and physical) encounters with the [also insert euphemism here], but it has not helped me in finding the link, so don’t feel so lost. That being said, do try to find more visuals…that are not in the textbook. Or on the internet. *wink, wink*
Lol at Vera
I guess its relative i.e. the type of tomato.
lol
Standtall: Laugh all you want oh. Ehn, but you won, abi?
Chi-Grace: Relative ehn? I see. lol. I can’t begin to imagine how that happens…
Vera??????? You are such a crazy naughty girl!
Favored Gal: It’s not my fault oh. No be my fault na. I was just saying it as it is
Didn’t i tell u not to call me Busola anymore? Am i ur mate? I told u to call me mommy. The next time u call me Busola, i will teach u a lesson. Mr. Slow’s woman.
LOL. Very funny, Busola. You gat jokes. Keep misyarning and I’ll give Mr. Slow your number.