The other day I was talking to my mommy and she told me that she had a wedding to attend, but that she was not going to go because the previous weekend, she was on call at the hospital and did not get any rest. She really just wanted to spend this wedding weekend at home on her bed. I agreed with her. Me sef, I don’t like wahala, so I’m all for staying home and sleeping. She then went on to add that even if “asks permission” to miss the wedding, she would still have to pay the fine.
I’m sorry, come again?
She explained to me that because she was part of this women’s meeting, she and her fellow meeting mates were obligated by “law” to attend the event of any of their members, and missing said event would result in paying a fine. So I asked if it was her fellow meeting woman getting married, and she said it was the son of her fellow meeting woman. “And you have to pay a fine for not going?” I asked her, really bewildered. She confirmed yes.
Hian! Is it by force to go to wedding, biko nu? What if I don’t just want to attend your son’s wedding? Apparently, that’s not an option. Well, it’s an option, but one with a price tag. So I made the mistake of casually stating how I had no interest in even joining a women’s meeting because which kin wahala be dis one? That was when my mommy sent me into a kind of laughter that troubled my insides.
Mom: You have to join a meeting oh!
Me: I don’t want to join a meeting.
Mom: You have to! Whether it’s Igbo meeting or Yoruba meeting, you must join one.
Me: Mom, I said I don’t want to do. Is it by force?
Mom: Nne, you have to, you cannot be alone.
Me: I am not alone.
Mom: Lie! You lie! You have to join a meeting.
Me: *erupts in ruckus laughter*
Mom: It’s not funny to me oh! If you want, keep laughing, but you must enter that meeting.
Me: *more laughter*
The only kind of meeting I want to have right now
The passion with which she spoke is what made my belly full of laughter. That said, I don’t know how Yoruba women’s meetings go – and I have no interest in finding out – but the Igbo women’s meetings I have witnessed are nothing but shouting and minerals (s0das). There’s always a president, a secretary, an accountant, and a provost. I still don’t know the job of the provost, but what I know for sure is that I want no parts of said meetings.
Even in the CWO (Catholic Women’s Organization) meeting here in Baltimore, which my mommy was part of, na so so fight every meeting. This person stole money. That person did not wear uniform. This person eyed that person. That person’s ichafu (scarf/gele) was too big … who does she think she is sef? Tufia kwa. And this is the “religious” meeting. Imagine the ridiculousness at the “regular” meetings like the famous August one? Nope. Not interested.
I have never had much interest in or understanding of these social gatherings. I don’t know how the western women do their meetings (or if they even have such things), but the Nigerian ones I have witnessed are like watching a Nollywood movie live. Most of them don’t like each other, but somehow, they all agree on getting together every *insert random schedule here* to fight some more. I remember when my mom had a position in the CWO meeting here where she had to do something related to the election – yes, they had elections too. Hello democracy – and although I was not in the meeting, I, myself, thought I would lose my mind. I was tired of mom talking about it, tired of her meeting members calling to discuss who rigged the election, and definitely tired of hearing about the people who were yet to pay their dues.
I am not opposed to joining a social group, but I am more likely to start one of my own (I have done this before online, as an MSN group, before social media was popular), and I met a lot of people through the group. If I were to join one that is already in existence, I would need to have a very clear understanding of what the group’s vision is. And as of this very moment that I’m writing this post (2:36 AM Eastern Time [8:36 AM Nigerian Time], sitting on my bed, next to my little angel, Ada Verastic), I have no desire to be in meeting full of Nigerian women of any tribe. Too much estrogen. Too much Nigerian. Too much drama. I don’t like drama.
But wait oh, is it my age or my new status as a mom that makes my mommy think that I need to be in a Yoruba or Igbo meeting? Negodu [just look at] this my mommy. What is she trying to say?
P.S. I started blogging before 2:00 AM, and thanks to Ada Verastic, I am only posting at 4:20 AM. So tired and sleepy.
lol count me out from
Any meeting. I don’t drama always to much. Got better things to do with my time. But your mum just reminds me of mine. Lol.
Lol. Not surprised my mom reminds you of yours. They seem to be all the same. I love her though. She’s the best.
Wow, this post gave me PTSD. The fights about someone’s ichafu being too big are a trademark of any women’s meeting group. And there must be mineral o, if not, nsogbu ga-adi. I’m glad to know it happens worldwide, not just in Nigeria.
PS: Never joining one of those.
Hahaha. Toby, you sound like you know exactly what I’m talking about lol. One time, there was a party and I think the celebrant was a CWO woman. Before we could blink, fight don star, cloth don tear. What was the fight about? Two women were beefing and one of them happened to be one of the people serving food and she did not give the other one enough food or meat. My sister, that was it oh. Lol.
LOL, i’ve always wanted to be part of a women’s group of some sort. Similar to how i couldn’t wait to grow up so i’d finally be old enough to wear “church lady hats” and go on girls’ trips.
Now that I actually AM old enough for these things….i’m still sitting on my couch doing nothing on the weekends lol.
Whatttt! You actually want to go ke? Nope. Not me. I’d rather be home doing nothing. The thought of it alone makes me tired. I just can’t. Lol.
Their parties are fun to attend as an outsider, but to be a part of the bickering group… no thanks.
As an outsider, yes. And just for the parties oh. Anything else is just too much abeg.
LMAO. This is so funny, I don’t even know why I found it so ridiculously funny hahahaha
It’s okay to laugh. I find it all very funny too.
Vera, you have to join meeting oh. Who will attend Ada Verastic’s wedding if you don’t?
Hahaha, Abi oh, Manny! When she’s getting married, I’ll tell her and her husband-to-be that 50 (or more sef) of my meeting people are coming oh, and they must wear asoebi (which I will personally pick myself).
looll!!i have witnessed women’s meetings/clubs from the outside and it is both interesting and funny to watch. Like ur mum said, i think the main aim is to never be alone especially being abroad. They would rather stay in the ‘sisterhood’ bickering and arguning etc. ‘cos of the fear of being alone. To them n matter how bad the fights n arguments, they all know they must be there for their ‘fellow sister’ whenever it is needed.
Plus i think some of them enjoy the bickering, makes them feel closer to home or something like that. From an outsider’s perspective though, it seems to be more trouble than its worth (forced contributions,pressure to fit in/outshine themselves even when some can’t afford to, etc.) but i can understand them.
I think my generation is different from my mom’s. Or maybe I’m just different from my mom. I think I need an entirely new post to blog about my mom sef. They definitely enjoy the bickering. I, on the other hand, I run the opposite way when I sense drama. I’m too weak for it abeg. Lol.
Lmao Vera you are hilarious. I live in England, last year somehow i found myself involved in some Catholic igbo meeting. It was ridiculous. There was a chairlady, secretary, and some other position. It held once a month however somehow it happened that the meeting days fell on days I had important things to do. So I found myself missing some meetings. They didn’t find it funny and started giving me attitude. Na so I carry my head commot. I know fit shout.
Hahaha. Funmi, I know that attitude all too well. My mom used to force me to attend events with her (with her CWO women) and I hated it. The attitude and tension was just too much for me.
She’s just concerned
If you decide to start another online meeting, I’m in.