Calling Macy’s, JCPenny, And Lingerie Brands: Where Are The Sexy Bras For Full-Figured Women?

This post was otherwise going to be titled, “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sexy Bras.” 

Ladies, get in here, let’s talk.

The first (and only time) I got my breasts fitted for a bra was several, several years ago at JCPenny. At the time, I was measured for a 38D. I assume I’m still the same size because I have been buying the same size since then, and they usually fit. The times that they don’t fit, I assume it’s just the cut/fit of that particular bra/brand.

Lately, however, over-sexy has been worrying me. I call it being frugal when I refuse to buy bras except when they’re on sale at Macy’s or JCPenny. Macy’s usually has the buy two, get two free sale, and JCPenny usually has the buy one, get one half-off sale. The bras were okay. They were usually from brands like Ambrielle, Bali, Maidenform, Vanity Fair, Warner’s etc, and I was satisfied with them. They were pretty enough.

This year, however, Macy’s was having the sale again, and I was so excited to go. But ladies, I walked out without a single bra. I just could not get myself to pay for any of them. They were the regular brands like the ones I mentioned above, but every single one of them was boring. They were not ugly, but they were forgettable. Suddenly, I became too sexy to wear them.

But now, I’m sitting with myself and asking questions. Like, where are the sexy bras? Do these brands not make sexy bras? Does Macy’s not carry the sexy bras from these brands? What of JCPenny? Or do they only carry bras for small breasts? We – the ladies who are truly blessed and highly favored – deserve some sexy bras, too. In fact, dare I say that we demand it? Or do these stores carry sexy bras but only put the boring ones on sale? And oh, my God, how long have I been wearing unsexy bras — and what other bad decisions have I made?

Some of these bras are so boring that I wouldn’t even pick them for my grandma. But the women who are modeling these bras are younger – some younger than me even. What millennial woman wants to wear a bra that makes her breasts sharp and pointy? And some of the straps are so wide that they might as well be sleeves.  Also, a deep plunge bra should plunge deeply!

Let me tell you the kind of bra I want: I want something with lace and an underwire. I want it padded, but not heavily. I want a sexy color like red or deep purple or burgundy or black. Everything looks good black. I want dramatic straps and cutouts that make the gods jealous. I haven’t seen this type of bra at JCPenney and Macy’s. Yes, I know that these are not the only stores that sell bras, but these are the two I buy them from the most. 

So, for now, I’m looking around online, looking for my first sexy bra.  I’m going to wear it and admire myself in the mirror. I’ll grab my own breast and smack my own ass, and say to myself, “Damn, girl!” Then I’ll cock my head to the side and bite my bottom lip and wink at my image in the mirror. Who has that kind of bra? I want it, and I want it now.

Bottom line: where are the sexy bras for full-figured women? Also, I really don’t care for the term, “full-figured” because it makes me feel like I’m saying that less fortunate women are not quite figured properly. Oh, you didn’t know that women with small breasts are less fortunate? Well, now you know.

True Confession: I have been fantasizing about doing a photoshoot in a sexy bra and panty. Every time I mention it, Funmie starts shouting, Blood of Jesus oh! Vera, you will not do it in Jesus name!” 

This girl has issues. I’m still going to do my photoshoot! Just wait till I find the right lingerie set. You just wait!

P.S. See that picture up there? That’s kinda what I picture for my shoot *wink*