Today, I went to the shooting range with Uju, Tom, and 4MyPeople (who is quite famous in the Verastically Speakin’ Talk Radio chat room). Uju and I had never been to the shooting range before. Apparently, one of us had to have experience shooting guns. Since Tom was in his native country during their war some years ago and he did in fact dodge bullets, we, the inexperienced jury came to a unanimous decision that Tom should be our sacrificial lamb. And thus, Tom became the one with the experience. I suggested to him that he tell them he used an AK-47 gun. But he did not think my idea was a good one. 4MyPeople suggested he tell them that he even killed someone with the AK-47. He also rejected that idea. I’m not sure why.
One by one, we went into the range to take our turns with the experienced one – Tom. Oh, the initial set-up was a comedy scene as Tom struggled to put the bullets into the gun (what do they call the place the bullets go into again?) 4MyPeople ran like a girl every time he thought the gun was facing him. And he screamed like a girl, too. Don’t tell him I said that. He managed to get two bullets into his target.
It was finally Uju’s turn. She was in there for about five minutes, and then she came running out. The sound of the gun shots were too much for her to handle. Being the brave one that I was – trust me now! – I went in there, armed with determination and more determination. I’ll admit, the sound of other gun shots frightened me, but unlike my opponent, Uju (yes, she is now my opponent), I did not run out. As Tom coached me on how to use the gun, I almost freaked out when he said, “Whatever you do, don’t drop the gun. There are real bullets in there.” Say what?! I thought these were placebo bullets – for lack of a better word.
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| Uju, on her way into the shooting range. Does she look like someone who’s about to shoot? |
My first shot jolted me back. I did not know that guns were so heavy. And I did not know that a gun shot came with such an intensity. You don’t learn that from movies. And please, forget those smoke-spewing toys they use in Nollywood, the ones that kill the target before they are even fired. Out of the eight rounds of bullets, I managed to get three into my target, and one of them collapsed his lungs. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Uju went back for Take-2, and this time, she was able to stay the course. She got one bullet into her target. Because her bullet went into her target’s neck, she swears it was the shot that ended it all. In her words, “it was the shot that got Saddam Hussein” (except, of course, that Saddam Hussein was not shot. He was hung. But let’s leave that alone).
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| Uju was a little too happy about her alleged Saddam Husein shot |
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| My three shots. You can see the one by the right that collapsed his lungs. |
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| Up close and personal with Uju’s pathetic little shot. |
I now consider myself a pro shooter – yes, with just one lesson. Therefore, I have contacted my friend in the Marine Corps and told him to tell his recruiter to come and beg me to join them. Since they were unable to complete the job in Iraq (my friend included), I will go in there (with my new shooting skills) and single-handedly take out all the insurgents. I will end this war. I’m off to pack my bags for Iraq. I need to call my mobile company. Perhaps, I’ll pay them in advance for the months I’ll be at war. I have to take my Blackberry with me. A girl has to stay updated with tweets and facebook statuses, you know. Oh, and blog posts, of course!
It’s now official. I am a baaaad ass chic!
wow im actually first?? totally unreal!!! Vera u wont kill me..(BB while at warfront?) wish i was invited though, ive always wanted to do this. Ireti asked and i quote "werent u supposed to hit da red hole" and i said well keep dat question for aunty vera dat collapsed lungs and aunty uju dat shot da carotid arteries.
Wow, that must have been quite an experience! You're good o, so I will give you a reference if the Army does come calling.
Vera in Iraq??? No!!!! Just wondering what your tweets would look like.
Imagine u tweeting "#iraq #warzone I just shot someone" and someone telling you to twitpic. looool
Hot chick, Uju
Lol Vera o to funny..
But am glad u are now a 'sharpshooter'..
I get enemies who i need terminated.. shey u fit handle?
lol!!! Like you won't run if they ever try to recruit you into the army!
Wow,great experience I bet!Now you make me want to pull out an Uzi.
Oo.. on top 'five' minutes of play? okay o… send back more pics from Iraq though..
lol…you guys re just too much. I guess Mr. Shoes has to be careful now that you know how to handle a gun.
lol…you guys suggested he tell them that he even killed someone with the AK-47? and you are not sure why he rejected the idea? LOL!!!
Whose writing is that on the "posters"? It's really nice…
Women after my heart! That must have been an experience…
Women after my heart! Kill 'em quick