Dear readers, how was your Easter? Hope good. If so, to God be the glory. The main aim of writing this post… Oh, the good ol’ letter-writing days in secondary school!
Soooo… I was jejely (innocently minding my business) walking past the condom aisle in Giant Food Store when I spotted the unimaginable. I had to go back and take a second look. Yeap, Giant locked each box of condoms in a plastic, indestructible box. (Okay, maybe it was destructible, but still…) Imagine that!
Look @ this; they are all in prison. This is no way to live. This is America. Where is the freedom???
At least, there were specific instructions on how to bail them…
I was an innocent passerby; no, I was not shopping for condoms, only to realize they were prisoned – obviously against their will. I was actually in the store to buy my favorite yogurt (La Creme – strawberry flava. Used to be Vanilla until March of this year, but anyway…). I was walking past the condom aisle – more like it was adjacent to the middle aisle – not that I walked right in front of it. Okay, why am I taking all this time to explain that I was not condom-shopping? I’m starting to sound guilty, and I’m innocent, darn it! Stop looking @ me like that.
So I cannot understand why the Giant people have the condoms locked in boxes. Have people been stealing condoms, or do the Giant people just want to see the embarrassed looks on people’s faces when they take one big box to the cashier to bail a box of condoms out? Unless, of course, people are no longer embarrassed to buy condoms. When I worked for mom’s pharmacy in Naija (about 10 years ago), people would muffle their words when they asked for condoms.
Imagine if you were going to see your husband in Naija or something, and you’ll be staying there for a month. Exactly how many of these boxes are you expected to take up to the cashier? Speaking of which, I wonder if condoms are sold wholesale. And now that I think of it, I don’t recall ever seeing a “Buy 10, get 10 free” sale for condoms. How come?? Don’t the condom people want users of condoms to be safe? Anyway, if you were a man buying condoms wholesale (maybe like 300 of them at once) and the cashier were to be a Nigerian male, he’d probably say something along the line of, “Nawa oo! Oh boy, na how many congo you wan shine dis weekend? Abi na blom-blom (balloons) you wan blow dey give pikin?” I’d like to see a mother’s reaction when she finds her child/children blowing condoms. That should be interesting.
So back to Giant… If people have been stealing condoms, I’d expect the Giant people to be happy. At least, that means they’re practicing safe sex. This reminds me of when the Lifestyles people (a brand of condoms) came to my school and distributed all manners of condoms. That was when I knew that condoms were flavored. What the hell for?? Do people lick them? Condoms even glow in the dark. Again, I ask… what the hell for? Maybe in case NEPA takes light and you need help finding “it?” It wouldn’t be hard; you’ll just need to follow the glow. Or maybe if you need a hard glow torch? I don’t know.
Anyway, LifeStyles distributed all manners of condoms and stickers to us. I had all my condoms in a bag which I just dumped in my room. Then one day… mom found it! She almost passed out. This was one instance where the line, “It’s not what it looks like; I can explain” came in handy….and was even true. I was so naïve, I tell you. I had a Lifestyles sticker that said, “Just wear it” and I never knew it was referring to condoms. I proudly stuck that sticker on my bookshelf. It was several years later that I realized that the picture in the sticker was a penis. If I had known then what I know now, this sticker would be nowhere near my bookshelf! Which kin yeye message am I tryna send…? And to think that I have so many Christian books in this bookshelf sef. What can I say? I’ve had my moments.
Yeap… definitely a penis.
…And yes, I realize there is no such word as “prisoning.” I just like the sound of it. Sue me.
firsttttttttt
3rddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
am 2ndd!!!!!!!!!
lol i wanted to ask the same question. why are you trying to explain to us if you were condom-shopping or not.
okay we believe you..lol
which one is flavored condom again..lol na wa oo
lol una no dey sleep?
‘prisoning’ condoms ke? lol Can’t say i’ve noticed that at my local grocery store…i’ll be on the look out next time.
oh i love La Creme – strawberry flava too.
Vera, we’ve come to expect craziness from you, but this is another level o!
*FG exits stage left*
lol@Vera..all this indirect sex talk..hmmmmm.
Yea flavored condoms for those that wrap it up when they lick the “lollipop”. The regular condoms taste nasty…so i hear.
haha, i wonder oh, why flavored condoms? i was a sex-health fair last wk and i saw condoms of different body textures. nways, i like that ur sticker
lol… condoms in prison…….hope it never result into a revolution somday…..
Happy easter dear!
Free the condoms!
Free the condoms!!
Free the condoms!!!
Wey d lawyers in the house??!!
wetin concern u?
maybe na kids dey steal am to practise safe sex
so maybe they imprisoned dem so they can guage people’s age that come to buy
if *I* really need a pack
i’ll walk in with a wetin concern una air and buy
even if na 300 i wan buy…….lol
happy easter dearie!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Vera! I dont even know what to say concerning the prisoned condoms…so I shall just laugh..LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Haha!! imagine carrying 5 of those boxeses to the counter.
They can imprison or sentence condoms to indefinite solitary confinement ,….in as much as they dare not cage our “baba isale”….lol… or treat it to such ridicule…and embarassment!!!
Prisoning is not a word???Learnt something new today….
lmao @how many congo you wanr shine….
Buying condoms is the most embarrasing act ever…I remember walking into boots to buy and the cashier happened to be a nigerian who told me it was buy one get one free so i had to walk all the way back to get another box….why I no leave am??
I be naija girl now, haba…
That was hilarious!!
lol@..’the Giant people’..
Oh no!!!! I don’t even know where to begin… but wow!!! and then the just wear it! bless! I thought I was the only naive one in this world lol I laugh at myself in retrospect! xx
funny!!haha as if ppl needed one more reason to STOP buying condoms, WTC ? i too wonder why they never have sales for condoms considering that will prompt ppl to stock up, actually if the govt was really eager to discourage ppl from havin unprotected sex, condoms will be sold 2 cartons for a dollar, i mean come on now!!! and about caging the condoms, where are all those demonstrators when u need them.?? This is an outrage!!!!..gonna need about a zillion “Free the Condom ” posters posted up at every giant location…this is not cool by me, think about the children…
my brother has a delivery order for condoms. 6 packs get delivered weekly. lol
Vera, ur last 3 posts have been sex related…… u wan tell us something?
VERASTICAL!!!!
I can’t read anymore because I can’t see the screen. Tears are flowing!!!!!! That first picture plus the words “prisoning” and “condom”
lol!!!!
This is very is turning to asewo o..
I cant believe that you have gone there to buy only yogurt cos your posting these days is only about sex. I think you’re horny… tell us d truth jo.
lol!! I think this will deter folks from buying? Calling too much attention. then again, if you wan do- u suppose no send- abi?
As for the glow in the dark ones- i should get one. hehehehe- i think that wld be useful in Naija- asper Nepa. But then again, the thot of shagging with no light in that heat!!!! Unthinkable! It can never do me like that.
YOu are hereby sued!…lol… This is injustice…lol.. it's a lie! it's good. Anyone that wants to buy must carry that suitcase to the counter…lol… hehe!
I actually thin it's cuz people steal them and I don't think it's cheap for stores to buy them>>> I laugh my a$% off when a guy comes to the cash with his babe and tries to hurriedly say "a pack of condoms please". First of all the girl has already truned red; then the cashier will now ask what brand; what colour is the box and all that…hehehe I laugh audibly o! cuz they must hear me laugh!
x!
You know blowing condoms…i remember…i did it as a kid…i thought they were ballons. My sister and i looked like clowns after…lol
Pink Satin: Congrats on being first, second, and third. LOL. I can’t believe I had that sticker for so long and didn’t know either.
BSNC: Ehm, I know how una dey na! I just wanted to make sure you all knew I wasn’t condom-shopping. LOL. Flavored condoms have all sorts of fruity flavors (like strawberry). I don’t know if the strawberry can be tasted. It’s weird.
Repressed One: U need to investigate and see if the condoms @ your local grocery store are being imprisoned wrongly too. As for that strawberry yogurt ehn… kai! The thing good oo! LOL
Favored Girl: Wetin I do now? Babe, you know I always like blogging the truth. I cannot stand to see anyone or anything being mistreated. Those condoms are being mistreated.
TayneMent: Oh. People wrap it up and lick it??? Wow. I learn something new everyday. But wouldn’t that just be like licking flavored latex? I’m imagining wearing those latex gloves, dipping them into something, and then licking them. They’ll still be latex. So you’ve only heard ehn? And what indirect sex talk? I know nothing of which you accuse me.
Naija Shawty: Different body textures??? As in…???? I don't understand. Please come back & explain. Oh, you like my sticker ehn? Hehehe. Gracias.
Beyond: I don't know oo. From the way I'm feeling, I just might organize a revolution, but I'll talk to my attorney (LusciousRon) first.
Confessions of a London Girl: LOL. I love that chant of yours. Once I organize with my lawyer, I'll be sure that the entire world is chanting the same thing. We must FREE THE CONDOMS!
Ibiluv: Crase woman. I trust you now. Na only you go get liver to buy 300 @ once with such air of confidence. Hehe. Kolomentality.
Ms O: You need to organize your people and tell them to organize their own people so that we can revolt against this wrongful imprisonment.
Phoenix: My dear, I no understand ooo! People will start looking @ you one kin. But what if you're just buying it as a birthday gift 4 someone? LOL.
Trybes: Hahahahaha. Baba Isale?? Is that what it's called now? Hehehehe. Maybe the condoms are imprisoned as a sigh of what we should do to your babe isales.
Afrobabe: Hahahahahaha. Oh my days. You have liver sha. I for no fit. Naija cashier 4 that matter. *sigh*
Mizchif: LOL. You be crase woman. No, there isn't anything I'm holding back. Honestly, I was just passing by ooo. You see why I used one whole paragraph to explain??? And I was there long enough to take pics because I wanted to blog about it. Look! Stop making me explain. I am INNOCENT.
Blogoratti: Thanks, dear. I'm glad you found it funny.
Love Paprika: How dare you change your name? Oh, so you're as naive as me ehn? Hehehehe. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is naive.
Culture Cynic: Hahahahahahahaha. Babe, dis your comment has me laughing out loud like I'm crazy. But you're right oo! This is indeed an outrage! We need to think about the children!!! Hahahahahahaha. Oh, boy.
Jayla: My last three posts have been sex related??? Oh, boy! That's it. I'm switching. No more sex!!! And no, I don't wanna tell you anything. LOL. Wait, your brother has condoms delivered every week???? Uhm, what career path is he on? LOL
Solomon Sydelle: Hehehehe. How is it doing you? How am I making you feel?
Ms Spicey Tee: You know what? That's it! I'm no longer doing any sex-related post. And no, I'm not horny! Wait a minute; this post is not even sex-related, is it? This is about condoms.
Tigress: Hahahaha. If you can't shag @ night without light, you can least use the glow in the darks for other uses. You can disengage it from its host and position it on the table as a night lamp. Abi how you take see am?
Bob IJ: LOL @ the suitcases. My dear, those things really do look like suitcases. Hehehehe. I will not be cause buying one of those. Forget it. LOL @ the guy having to ask for condoms. It's just so weird.
Write Freak: Hahahahahaha. U blew condoms? Ah! How did that feel?
Vera u don spoil finish you lucky say God no send tunder fire you with your abuse of those xtian books. Anyhue…my brodas once left some used condoms under their bed and us kids (i was 13 at the time) just enjoyed a full hour of blom blom blowing until my horrified aunt made us wash our mouths with soap. Oh yes, she did.
hahahahahaha….OMG i cant stop laughing. this is hilarious…condoms as prisoners eeeeeeeeeeeiiii.
lol this girl won’t kill me.lol
lolololol! imagine….”beeep, paging an associate to the Condoms aisle, customer service is needed on the condom aisle”.
Can’t believe you didn’t know what that sticker was referring to…LOL.
Rosie: Ewwww!!! LOL. That is DISGUSTING!!! You blew used condoms??? *Vera spitting* In fact, I think I just threw up in my mouth.
SweetNothin: Yes oh; condoms as prisoners. It’s just unfair, you know. We need to revolt.
Nice Anon: You’re right. This girl will certainly not kill you.
Diane: My dear, can you just imagine? Imagine the embarrassment! LOL.
Jaycee: My dear, I didn’t oh! I don’t know how that happened. That one just went over my head… like whew!!
lol Vera you have struck again!
Nice!
{BT}
lol. so really what did u think the sticker was about?
But Vera u sef… LMAO
Did the diagram on the sticker not “TELL” you anything????? LOL
Sha i’m thankful i am not the one assigned to do the “grocery ;)” shopping LOL
Vera…..
Am laughin so hard my colleagues r wonderin whether its time to break out d straight jacket again…
FREE THE CONDOMS!!!!
lol at the congo comment
i never knew condoms came in ‘glow in the dar’ types too
😀
Indeed! I’m sure people steal condoms! Why else would they be “prisoned?”
Another reason may be because of kids. Took my kid sister to the mall the other day and wanted to buy her chocolate. Instead, she pointed to a pack of condoms and said that was what she wanted! No explanation wey i fit give am o! Na cry the girl begin dey cry! Cashier just dey look us somehow!
And condoms are flavoured because some women don’t like giving head raw, except through a condom. Yeah, that way, people do lick them.
Hehehe! Glowing in the dark and a hard glow torch? Vera you are priceless!
I participated in a practical joke once, we blew up condoms lots of it and had it float down the staff room during a briefing by the principal!
It was freaking hilarious seeing those fake prudes trying to suppress their shocks while pretending not to know what it was!
The teachers fingered the usual school rascals as the culprits not knowing it was the so-called innocents!
you, my dear, are hilarous!
“..or do the Giant people just want to see the embarrassed looks on people’s faces…” not at all, they are trying to control population explosion.
after a very stressful day..this post was just what d doctor ordered..thanks for another good laugh..im still lmao..
dang..not fair..not fair on the poor condoms..not fair on the poor guy who is in such a hurry to do the dirty..
loooooooooooooool @ ur sticker! hehehehe!
obviously Vera.. all these sex talk just reminds me of the fact that you aint getting some… pele luv. Ndo
Funny.
I didnt know ‘shining of congo’ was still in use…
LOL! You crack me up 😀
hahahahahah
Buttercup: Hehehehe. Indeed, it’s not fair to anyone @ all. This is why we must all unite to fight this injustice. Who cares if the economy is in a recession? There are bigger issues on the table…
Funmie: I don’t blame. Sebi it’s because I didn’t mention your name in this post abi? Oya talk nonsense again and I will edit this post. U know what I am talking about.
Tobenna: I learnt it from a writer (Sabella Abidde). I never heard it before then. I like it. Hehehe. 🙂
Adaeze: I’m glad I do. Please continue cracking up. I promise I’ll continue writing.
Olamild: When you’re done laughing, please gather your people, and tell them to gather their own people so that we come together against this injustice.
kai
Lmao, wat a gift to buy for someone.
i swear im always late for all the funny ish mtchhwww lol
9jaKuti: Abi oh, my brother. My sentiments exactly!
Phoenix: Hehehehehe. I’m not quite sure how the person will react. E get as e go be sha.
WordSmith: Better late than never. Haha. May your condoms never be imprisoned…wrongfully.