I have never been female, 30, accomplished… and single … all at once. I feel a deep obligation to stress at this point that I am currently female, have always been female, and will always be female. That said, there is an epidemic out there. Women of all backgrounds, races, nationalities, and tribes are suffering the case of Manlessomnia. As one who has suffered this illness before, I can say it is so not funny!
Looking in from the outside, it is easy to say that women who are accomplished are the problem, but one never really knows. Each situation, I believe, is as unique as the woman in it. I do not know for sure what the problem is, but I’ll sure love to find out!
My Mom, God bless her heart, has a thesis – which I should say I completely disagree with! A married female medical doctor (in her middle/late 30s) asked Mom if she knows any single, Nigerian men. Apparently, the doc’s friends (who are also all in their 30s) are all very accomplished and also very, very single. We’re talking Manlessomnia X3. Okay, I digress…
Mom came home all worried and heavy-laden. When I asked her what the problem was, she said, “Young Nigerian women are wasting away. No husbands to marry them,” I should mention she looked a little too sad for these women’s predicaments, considering that she does not even know them [she only knows their doctor friend]. Anyway, mom’s well-thought-out thesis? Young Nigerian women are single because ALL the young Nigerian men are now gay.
I don’t know about you, but this is a hard pill for me to swallow. I know there are gay Nigerian men out there (contrary to what we would like to believe), but I doubt if their gayness is correlated to these women’s Manlessomnia. But what do I know? I’m just a girl who sits in front of her laptop and makes up words like Manlessomnia.
There is a reason I bring this up right now. I have scheduled this as a show on Verastically Speakin Talk Radio. If all goes well, we’ll be discussing this on Saturday, August 22nd 2009 (10:00 AM U.S. EST/3:00 PM Nigerian time). BUT! Here comes the aha moment. I need co-hosts for this. The show will run only if I get co-hosts. Yes, co-hostS. As in more than one. Three, to be specific.
Here’s what I need:
2 female co-hosts (You have to meet the criteria, please: female, accomplished, @ least 30, and single)
1 male co-host (You also have a criteria to meet: If you have mingled with a woman of the above description, you’re good enough for me. It doesn’t matter if you dated successfully or not. Whatever the story is, bring it on!)
So if you’re interested, please e-mail me: radio@verastic.com I’ll take the co-hosts on a first-come, first-serve basis (that’s if anyone comes, of course. LOL).
P.S. Your nationality/race/tribe does not matter at all. This is not a Nigerian problem; it’s a female problem. And I need serious, open-minded, and talkative people. It’s a talk show, so we need to talk.
Thank you, darlings!
*Manlessomnia:
an acute
a chronic case of manlessness that causes many, many, many sleepless nights.
an acute
a chronic case of manlessness that causes many, many, many sleepless nights.
firrrrrrrst
LOL@ Nigerian women wasting away!!
i dnt agree with her thesis tho!
some men arnt just ready to settle down with accompllished women!!
my 2cents!
Yay!!!………I'm second…
I think i can sure pass as one who can speak on this subject havin dated an accomplished woman but which later went awry and what i sure took out of that relationship is that lots of women out there still really need to learn so much about the fundamentals of what Prov 31 admonishes on.Really i dont think its got so much to do with guys being gay or guys running away from committments and all that stuffs ladies put up as a defence for their actions and inactions when usually they wear this cloak of "I don arrive" and no one dare speaks to me…dunno if you feel me on this but can always talk more on this if prodded…
Number 'Tiwee'..
Mo BADD gaan!
Manlesssomania -Na wa o. No kill persin sha.
Persin wey get big sister: 30 plus, single, successful bla bla bla – fit apply as co-host?
lol @ Manlessomnia
wait oh, dem teach me for
school say the female population is always more than that of the male population. remember that was one of the reasons people [southerners] rejected the census that was conducted under IBB. they said that was the first time the number of males turned out to be greater than those of females. if females are more than males, then it goes that there will be quite a number of female single folks out there. in fact, some theorists say that was one of the advantages of polygamy.
this your mama theory na thesis topic for somebody oh, make dem go confirm if the naija male population is turning gay in droves..
@ Manlessomnia , i dunno how u come up with these names oh! lol
But i think men rnt just yet ready to settle (want to play the field some more) or intimidated by a successful woman. But then again, which one i know!
Abeg oh! people who fit her criteria shld volunteer. this one is juicey oh!
My drink and my two cents….
Manslessomnia! Vera again!
Thanx for putting a name to that disease/sickness/problem, woreva, lots of us suffer from it.
Disagree with Trybes a bit tho, the woman in Prov. 31 isnt perfect, the author just chose not to dwell on her imperfections cos…..well, he realises she's no angel or he ran out of ink or he was so in love then, take ur pick, lol.
my point is, there are so many lovely and loveable women and successful or on their path to success (like me, yes)women but most men are just either too blind to see them, too scared to commit or hope to meet super faultless women. some get them and in their confussion or woreva lose them.
i will say, and u can quote me, most guys these days are either taken, not ready to be taken or gay or so bad u have to drop them like a bad habit.
when i see a nice guy these days, i just place him in any of the categories or usually just wait for some chic to come pluck my eye out for eyeing her man!
anyway vera, i dey vex for u, u didnt notice i was missing for over a month!!!!!!!!!!!
i am so angry!
Manslessomnia! Vera again!
Thanx for putting a name to that disease/sickness/problem, woreva, lots of us suffer from it.
Disagree with Trybes a bit tho, the woman in Prov. 31 isnt perfect, the author just chose not to dwell on her imperfections cos…..well, he realises she's no angel or he ran out of ink or he was so in love then, take ur pick, lol.
my point is, there are so many lovely and loveable women and successful or on their path to success (like me, yes)women but most men are just either too blind to see them, too scared to commit or hope to meet super faultless women. some get them and in their confussion or woreva lose them.
i will say, and u can quote me, most guys these days are either taken, not ready to be taken or gay or so bad u have to drop them like a bad habit.
when i see a nice guy these days, i just place him in any of the categories or usually just wait for some chic to come pluck my eye out for eyeing her man!
anyway vera, i dey vex for u, u didnt notice i was missing for over a month!!!!!!!!!!!
i am so angry!
Manlessomnia …as in manless and suffering from insomnia as a result …who would have thought?
I will tune in for this one.
I can't claim to meet your criteria so my contribution is purely based on speculation.
I don't think accomplishment is the cause of manlessomnia (great name btw). I wonder if it has something to do with changing cultural roles of men and women.
Both genders are getting married later anyway. Perhaps by the time the women reach the stage of being ready to be married guys their age have the option of going with younger women.
Could it be that "some" of these accomplished women has let their accomplishments get to their heads?
Just saying. Food for thought as there isn't just a one way of thinking/talking about this.
Keep up the good work Vera, love your radio show.
@ OMOTEE— How do you define success? And how do you define a successful woman? If you tell me explicitly what this means..guess we can go from here..LOL
Also when u say guys are blind to see or are scared to commit makes me shrink. I know lots of guys whose heart have been broken by gurls who would rather hop from bed to bed(excuse my language) and find something infinitely wrong about the dude they’re dating.
I hate to say this but I guess this is a forum where you just gotta call a spade a spade..right? Let the truth be told, how many ladies who are 30 and over right now, “successful and looking” haven’t had some dude, serious at some point of their lives talkin to them or perhaps dating them? Whatever happened to that time between then and now?
To me it just feels like lots of ladies are out there lookin for the perfect man,the six footer with the six packs which usually is all illusions.
Ladies , have you actually tot about making out something from that gateman that mans your apartment complex? have you ever given it a tot that its not all about the fine boy no pimples, money and education that makes a successful union?
Guys are not gays, we’re just wise enough to separate the wheat from the chaff..I don’t know about most guys but I can speak for myself..come to me with all you got..beauty, fame, money and all that and tell you what..if you don’t have that beautiful heart, you are as good as one to be dropped like a bad habit ( to borrow Omotee’s words).
Lastly, there is still a bunch of good guys out there but like I tell my girlfriends, until you learn to do the right things, a man will never come to you or for you except one who doesn’t believe in himself…
I know this is goin to stir up lotta controversy…I’m up for it ..so keep it coming…LOL
@all:
I agree with Tribes. Granted, i dont qualify for any of the criteria Vera asked for, but i've had my fair share of experience – you can bet your boot-straps on that.
In my opinion, most career-minded people (both male and female) view relationships the way they view their careers – they want to get "there", to be the best; any thing less is unacceptable.. But relationships are NEVER like that. My dad has a saying: A married man/woman who looks happy isn't necessarily happily married.
Now se the scenario: the successful career sista has worked hard to get to where she is, she doesn't take shit from anyone, and she expects to get nothing less from a relationship than the respect, attention, and care she believes she deserves. Unfortunately, this is where she misses it.
Anyone who's been married long enough, or who's been in a relationship long enough with ONE partner will categorically tell you that knights in shining armors exist only in fairy tales. Hearts are gonna get hurt on both sides, feelings are DEFINITELY gonna get bruised, and the only thing that's gonna keep the love going is the realization that neither party is perfect. I've said it in someone's blog before (can't remember whose): You do not love people because of their good qualities; you love them in spite of their faults.
My advice: allow whoever is in your life right now the chance to show as many of his bad qualities and habit as possible; then decide if you can tolerate them. If you can, then why not give him the chance to be your knight in shining armor?
Remember, time waits for no man – or woman.
@Trybes: Sorry i got yo name wrong b4. 😀
Ok, why fo you think that women that are married will not have enough stories to tell. Every married woman definitely passed through that manlessomnia phase oh.
So does the above qualify me to host the show with you? hee hee.
Vera, it is a crisis around the world, i must say!
Anywhere in this part of the planet, even in my 'well-populated' country, there are less single men. And yes, there are so many guys turning to gays. Sorry, but i seriously have my 'gay-dar' (gay radar) turned ON whenever i meet some guy. Sadly, they always hit red on my Gay-O-Meter. hahahaha!!!
I am not a gay-hater. I just hate men who choose to be gay, when it is so so much wonderful to be with a real woman! hahahha!!
but i believe, when you are single and you have the 'desire'.. it is going to be satisfied.. or it will be taken away instatnly. 🙂
i have to go with kayd on this! & temmy tayo too! most women who, like me, married after some years of living alone, working & debating weda to marry or not, have certainly gone from some degree of manlessominia. LOL. It's very easy to go d route of Omotee! & blame d men. But d truth b told, we women play a contributory role. Am not saying dat where a gurl is 'good', did everything right dat husband will come @ d right time. Maybe, maybe not. But where a girl is 'bad' or has attitudes dat r unattractive, her chances are lesser. Unless, she learns d trick of camouflaging. It's not every man dat will go ahead & marry a 'bad' girl! I've said this b4 & will say it again. Because it is men dat marry women, unfortunately women will have to make themselves attractive to men! Just d same say a seller makes his/her goods attractive to a buyer. Some women who insist dat they will not bend 2 dat rule, oh well, they just have to be patient & wait till they meet someone who thinks like them. D problem is, they may or may not meet this person.
personally, am razz. lots of pple said it'd b difficult 4 me to find a man dat will accept me as i am. I was willing to wait 4 dat man, cos i really believed i wouldn't be happy if i changed. But truth b told, i did change! Not noticeably sha. But i definitely changed. If not, i would have rejected MM wen he came calling. In my changing, i became more receptive of a man who didn't on face value fit my usual 'criteria', but who on getting to know him better, i realised he was just d right man. A friend of mine followed in my example too, & today she is wedding in December.
lol, I like your mom's thesis.
I like the new site outlook
i see men to my left and right so i dont agree..
of course am not 30, just in college…whew.
definately not the right person to answer this
am back 4 2nd missionary journey. lol
i think eh, dat most women @ a certain period in their lives dat most men will just be coming 4 them. daz their hot cake stage n life! some of women meet d men dat impress dem & they'd pick one guy out of the many. some others don't, so they keep looking & possibly end up as single, 30s & accomplished. Then again, there are ladies who say they r not interested in marriage. However, later on n life, they reconsider & think maybe they should give dis marriage thing a shot. But by den, they are have entered d manlessominia period.
Lord alone knows. But one thing dat seem to be d trend is d older & richer a woman is, d less likely she is to find a man dat will marry her. Abeg, make una forget hollywood. after all, how many 'normal' 42 year old women look like Halle Berry!
Ah Vera! I no go gree! You're discriminating against us married folks! lol
Lol at your mum saying all Nigerian men are now gay. My husband's theory is that young Nigerian men are more professionally and achievement driven so they don't want to settle down early!
Ah Vera! I no go gree! You're discriminating against us married folks! lol
Lol at your mum saying all Nigerian men are now gay. My husband's theory is that young Nigerian men are more professionally and achievement driven so they don't want to settle down early!
vera i love ur radio show very much im just too shy to call in..lol
This is such a great topic!!! I feel your mom…well at least when it comes to being worried about these women (dunno bout the gay men part, LMBO). But yea…i know of so many females that are doing good and have it "all"..the profession/business, the cars, the good relationship with God, etc…but no MAN!!! It bothers me a lot…and I dont why. But I can't wait to tune in!!!
Hey Vera, this manless issue is not a joke. I waited and waited for a naija man but the thing is that good women outnumber the men. Most men go home to marry. Most women don't. My solution, I started dating outside the naija bubble. I dated AA men, and white men. Now I am in a stable relationship with a white guy…and it is getting quite serious. I believe these accomplished women should wipe off the sticker of desperation and try new things/people. There are lots of men out there…just not naija ones.
maybe its time they looked outside their race. look for a man who wont be intimidated by their success but proud of it.
I have nothing to say about this post but I do however have something to say about the poll.. where is the option of " they don't know"?
I have read everyone's comment(s). I deliberately didn't reply. Just want to read. Thanks, peeps!! But I'm still in dire need of co-hosts.
Hi Vera! I'm 31 (June this year), single (if a 7 yr pseudo relationship\booty call won't be held against me) and not as successful as I'd like to be, but am gradually getting there. I'm quite used to (although my mother still goes purposely mute and allows conversation slide when people mention forthcoming weddings) and actually enjoy the solitude afforded me by my single status. Maybe the fact that i'm not worried about my ticking clock (on account of my near teenage daughters) has something to do with that. My demands are basic for the man in my life…be honest, be consistent and be faithful, be hardworking, and to get that I believe I must do and be the same as what I require.
Sure, some times attending your girlfriends' weddings suck even though you're crazy happy for them, and mothers (as much as you love them) can be your own personal hell and the nights do get a tad lonely, but I've come to the conclusion that i'd rather be single and alone than together and lonely. So I'll remain fun, fly, fabulous and single to boot until some poor fool thinks it wise to wife me (or not).