Back in March – can’t believe it’s been that long already, I blogged about how I felt about Ray Rice punching his girlfriend. At the time, my understanding was that she spat on him and he punched her once. That was the story that was told to us anyway. You can read that post here. I was under the impression that he punched her once, not several times – although once is still one too many. But my argument was that if she was indeed the aggravator, then she cannot control how he reacts. There was a video of Ray Rice dragging a knocked-out Janay (his fiancée) from the elevator, but the story was that she was drunk and passed out.
Ray Rice & Fiancee, Janay Palmer
A new elevator video just leaked via TMZ. In this video, you see Ray Rice punching Janay several times in the face, and it’s very frightening to look at. Ray Rice is a football player, all muscle, so for him to punch her in the face like that, I cannot even begin to imagine what that felt like for her. So that’s why she was knocked out cold. Before they get into the elevator, you can see that she kind of taps him across the chest. Once in the elevator, he punches her across the face. She tries to hit back and he punches her again. She hits her head on the hand rail and passes out. HE. COULD. HAVE. KILLED. HER.
I called myself giving Ray Rice the benefit of doubt, believing that his action was only a knee-jerk reaction to her action (of spitting on him), but the video tells a totally different story. There is absolutely no justification for what he did. She could have died or suffered permanent brain damage.
But while this assault is shocking, you know what shocks me more? She married him a month later! I wrote in the first post that this assault between them was probably not the first, and I still stand by my words. I don’t think that this was the first time he hit her, and unfortunately, I don’t think it’ll be the last. This was just the first time the rest of the world knew of it.
What kind of woman marries a man who batters her like this? We (women) need to remember that the onus to take ourselves out of dangerous situations is still totally on us. When a man knocks you out cold, you get up and you run for your life. You do not marry him and then proceed to have a press conference where you apologize for your part in getting knocked the fuck out. No. No. No. When you are in an abusive relationship (physical, emotional, or otherwise), you should always leave.
I wonder what kind of home their children are growing up in, and I hope that their children do not grow up to repeat history. But for now, I hope that Janay stays alive because Ray Rice can kill her. He may not set out to end her life, but he can. And when she’s dead, it won’t matter why he did it or if he meant to do it. He’s a rich man. He can get himself a good lawyer and get away with murder, and even if he goes to jail, she’ll still be dead. There are no dead heros.
UPDATE: I typed this post yesterday while the news of the video was still hot and before the Baltimore Ravens terminated his contract. Before his contract was terminated there was an Essence [Magazine] debate on Twitter asking whether Ray Rice should be banned for life from the NFL. I said no. I said no because I did not think that punishing a man for his domestic violence should be on the NFL. I figured that it should be the law to punish him. It’s a very grey line anyway. Unfortunately for both Ray Rice, his family, and even the Baltimore Ravens, this has been a loss to and for everyone. Watching the video, I can see why the Baltimore Ravens and the NFL had to act.
By the way, just to be clear, I still stand by what I said in my previous post:
A person who starts a fight must stay to fight the fight and cannot complain when his/her favor is returned. This applies to men, women, children, and animals. If you are big enough to give it, then you should be big enough to take it.
At this point, I cannot tell who started the fight, but I maintain that no one should be starting anything.
P.S. In other news, don’t do things you don’t want people to see or understanding the elevator. TMZ will find out. Ask Solange.
I actually saw Janay say earlier today on CNN that she still loves Ray and all I had for her at that moment was pity. I wonder if women that stay in abusive relationships really know the true meaning of LOVE because that’s the stupid reason they give for staying in such death destined union. Why would someone gladly offer up herself to the slaughter?
It goes deeper than love in my view hence both parties will still continue to stay in an abusive relationship..
I am not saying hitting each other is acceptable, just that we all cannot pack our loads on all abuses..
Aside physical battering, I think emotional, psychological abuse can still be worked on by couples who are willing and ready to invest some genuine affection in the relationship.
I totally abhor domestic violence, however some provocation can really do your head in, thus meaning loss of control..
We all do it including saying things we shouldn’t have, later regret such actions of ours..
Rice was just unfortunate due to his public role status, that I believe was why he was verbally lynched from all corners of the earth, overkill in my definition including terminating his livelihood, just hope he learns from it and hopefully given a second chance..
Ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? I think that is what she suffers from where the victim sympathizes with the attacker