15 Advantages Of Being Pregnant

While I was pregnant, I made little notes on my phone about the many advantages of being pregnant. I kept the note because I knew that one day, I would be here, telling you all about it, and I did not want to forget. I have learned that whatever I do not write down would most likely be forgotten. So in case you’re wondering if it’s even worth it to be pregnant or what is in it for you when you’re pregnant – apart from the obvious, the baby, of course, then have I got the answer for you! Some people really enjoy being pregnant. My Vietnamese friend, for example, always says she wants to be pregnant again, but has refused to get pregnant because she does not want a baby. She just wants to be pregnant. I suggested she blesses someone by becoming a surrogate mom.  Anyway, read on, Sweet Potatoes, read on.

1.  Everyone wants to do everything for you. Solachi won’t let me push a simple cart, and she won’t let me come down the steps at home. As if I can stay up there forever.

2.  No one ever judges you for having a second, third, or fourth helping. In fact, you are encouraged to eat.

3.  Everyone wants to cook for you. My grandma made me the best ofe onugbu (bitter leaf soup) ever. And unlike her, she even made it a little peppery for me. It was not peppery enough, but it was a big deal, considering my grandma cooked it. She made me abacha, too, and so much more. I had to beg her to please stop bringing food to my house. My aunt called me every week to ask, “What does baby feel like eating today?” Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I didn’t really have cravings. Funmie also cooked me this bomb egusi soup that was everything. Solachi made me stew with palm oil. In retrospect, that was weird because before I got pregnant, I did not like stew cooked with palm oil.

4.  Whatever crazy thing you want, someone is willing to do it for you. One time Funmie was calling me several times a day to ask me what I wanted to eat. I told her once that I was going to slap her if she asked me that question again, and she responded by asking, “Is that what you’re craving?”

5.  Being hungry at 3:00 AM is just fine! The lastest time I was hungry was at about 1:30 AM, and I started cooking spaghetti and meatballs when it happened. I was not judged.

6.  Weight gain is suddenly cute and needed and admired sef.

7.  People you have not spoken to in forever will call you to ask how you’re doing, and they, too, will ask if there’s anything you need them to do.

8.  Forget about having to tuck your tummy in when you’re standing for a picture. No matter how big your belly is, you can stand loud and proud. Whether your bump at that time is the actual baby or a result of excess food is between you and your Chi (God).

9.  Pregnancy is a get-out-of-jail-free card for everything. Whatever trouble you get into, it’s because you’re pregnant. Why are you late to the meeting? Why are you behind on work? Why did you spend so much on a new bag? Why did you buy another bottle of perfume? Why are you so cranky? Why didn’t you get any work done today? Because I’m pregnant. Duh.

10.  Speaking of cravings and bags, you’re allowed to crave anything. Some people crave soap and sand and bleach, and all kinds of things. I barely had food cravings, so I interpreted that to mean that I was allowed to have other cravings: bags, shoes, perfumes. And you know, I love my perfumes.

11.  Strangers will do stuff for you. Sure, people generally open the door (or leave the door open) for you, especially if you’re a woman, but when you’re pregnant, even kids know to help you out. For example, I dropped coins in the store many times, and I didn’t even have to stare at the coins helplessly for someone to offer help. Although, to be completely honest, bending or squatting down to pick something – especially something as flat as coins – when you’re heavily pregnant is an inconvenience.

12.  Speaking of stranger, when standing in a long line, just put your hand on your belly and sigh heavily, the poor-me kind of sigh. Unless they’re complete jerks, they will most likely let you get ahead.

13.  If you were a spoiled wife before you got pregnant, expect to now become a rotten wife because your husband will treat you like an egg. Example: I almost fell out of the bed one day while pregnant, and from that day till I had the baby, Igwe would wake up for work in the morning and literally push me into the middle of the bed. Every day, he did this, even on weekends. As long as he was leaving the bed, he would push me into the middle. If I said I was hungry, he would bother me until I ate something, and would keep offering to go buy whatever it was I wanted. But just last week, I asked him to help me take off my shoes and he laughed at me and said that I was not his baby. *sigh* He used to take my shoes off and put them on when I was pregnant. Ada Verastic has replaced me. But if your husband was an asshole before you got pregnant, he’ll probably still be as asshole.

14.  You will receive multiple random gifts for being pregnant. If I had known that I’d receive so many gifts for being pregnant, maybe I would have gotten pregnant sooner.

15.  And to top the list, even God shows you extra love. I swear I felt extra loved by God while I was pregnant. During those many, many times of being very worried about the baby, He was indeed my Comforter. No matter how “easy” your pregnancy is, you will still be afraid, especially when you realize how not in control you are. I needed God more than ever, and He is not one to shy away from being needed.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this – considering how tired I was of being pregnant – but I actually miss being pregnant. I miss being two-in-one, as I called it. I miss holding a life inside of me. I miss those tiny, private moments I shared with Ada Verastic, something that Igwe never got to experience. Like when she moved to one side of my tummy and made that side swell, like when she had hiccups, like when she kicked a lot – even when she kicked my ribs, and when she sat on my bladder and made me, I miss it all.

P.S. Heavenly Father, this is not a subtle request to be pregnant again. I do not want to be pregnant again just yet. I’m just reminiscing. Can a girl not reminisce anymore? Biko, hold that gift till later. Thank You, Daddy.

P.P.S. I know I still owe you the Dadzilla post, I haven’t forgotten.

P.P.P.S. I’m really sorry that I have not responded to comments in the past week. Ada Verastic is getting bigger and learning bad, bad things. She won’t let me put her down, and when she’s down and awake, she just wants us to play. She has started cooing, too, which is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. And when she’s sleepy, she fights it with all her might. I told Igwe that she’s trying to preserve her street cred. She doesn’t want peeps to think she’s gone soft and now falls asleep anyhow. Mba nu! Not my Ada Verastic. When sleep comes, fight it till it inevitably overcomes you.

P.P.P.P.S. Also, I’m working on some personal projects. I will tell you all about them when I’m ready.