Alternative title: Men Should Marry Women Who Are Within Their Budget.
Today’s story is inspired by a conversation (read: heated argument) I had with a friend a while ago. I had mentioned to him that a male friend of mine was proposing to his girlfriend and we (friends) were invited and going to witness this proposal. My friend – let’s call him Nnamdi – proceeded to tell me how he did not believe that proposals should be this big thing. He said it was the wedding ceremony that needed to be open to the public, but that proposals needed to be small and intimate and only between the proposer and the proposee. What if the woman says no? He asked. The proposer would be publicly humiliated.
Also, Nnamdi made the point that the cost of throwing an elaborate proposal party was part of why men now take longer than normal time to propose these days. It’s the cost they’re running away from, he said. He also said that women put too much pressure on men to perform these proposals. Considering all the traditional events/rights that have to be observed, it is unfair to add yet another thing for the man to do (the public proposal).
What Nnamdi did not know was how passionate I was about this. But he soon found out when my veins were almost popping because of the amount of blood that was aggressively traveling through them while I tried to make my point.
Here’s the thing: I don’t know how or when the very first elaborate proposal happened on Planet Earth. But I am willing to bet that some man somewhere decided that he would show the world how he truly felt about his woman, and he would show it to the world by renting a private spaceship to fly him and his woman over the sun as he asked her to be his wife. That’s probably how it started. After that, all men saw and said, I see what you did there, bro, but I’ll raise you one by flying INTO the sun, not just over it. And both couples melted and became one with the sun happily ever after.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is the story of the first elaborate proposal. Believe it. I was not there to witness it (or I would have melted too), but I know it. I just know it.
Therefore, it isn’t actually women who are putting pressure on men to propose elaborately but other men. Men see what other men are doing and they assume that their women want the same thing. And sometimes, they do. But there are women who actually don’t want an elaborate proposal.
My response, therefore, to my friend was that before you propose to a woman, you should know her enough to know what she wants. Is she the type of woman who wants an elaborate proposal in front of her family, friends, coworkers, haters, and kindergarten classmates? Or is she the kind of woman who wants to be proposed to in front of her very intimate circle? Or maybe she just wants it to be two of you? There is no right or wrong thing to want, but if you want to spend the rest of your life with her, you should at least know where she stands.
That being said, the proposal is only the first part of the wedding ceremony, so if the proposal is a financial burden to you, then I don’t think you should be getting married to anyone yet. In my opinion, a man should be mature in a lot of ways before getting married, and financial maturity is a thing. Can you take care of yourself? Can you take care of you and your wife? Can you take care of you, your wife, and your child/children?
On that note, a man should marry the wife he can afford. Here’s what usually happens and leads to complaints from the man: man meets woman. Man likes woman. Man is conservative with his money. Or man does not have much money to spend. Man realizes that woman isn’t as conservative. Or man realizes that woman has a lot more to spend or a more expensive taste. Man realizes that he is not about that life, but man moves forward anyway, robbing Peter to pay Paul, hoping that one day, woman will change her ways and switch from luxury to knock-off luxury.
Woman never changes. Five years later, it’s a problem. He calls it unforeseen. But is it really?
And this, my brothers, is why I am suggesting that men marry the wives they can afford. Do not set yourselves up for frustration. If you cannot afford her, leave her for someone who can. Pretending to be able to afford her or pretending to like affording her is a setup for failure. Eventually, you both will know how you truly feel.
Check your income. Check your budget. Check your lifestyle. Marry affordably. Money isn’t the most important thing in a relationship, and it should not be the foundation, but let’s think of money as the walls of a house. A house isn’t much of a house without its walls.
You. Are. Welcome.
And speaking of affordability, there are many other kinds of affordability. Like, can you support her emotionally? Can you cover her spiritually? Are you mentally prepared to function as a husband to her? Stop coming for women you are not ready for; go for the ones you can afford. Maybe you can only afford to be 50% mentally present in your marriage. Well, honey, why don’t you find a woman who is also ready to give 50%? That way, you’re equally yoked and there are fewer frustrated people on earth.
Again, you are welcome.
P.S. Women, too, should also check twice what their potential partner is offering or capable of offering AND if this is suitable for them.