I was born and raised a Catholic. I even went to a Catholic high school in Nigeria (St. Louis College, Jos). When we moved to America, we continued attending Catholic churches. But I have never been fully invested in the Catholic church. I liked (still like) some of their doctrines, but spiritually, I just wasn’t connecting. So here in America, my friend, Uju invited me to a Nigerian church once, and I loved a lot of things about it. It wasn’t Catholic, and it was full of people who had names I recognized and who sounded like me: Nigerians. Thus started my love affair with that church.
I later became a volunteer in church. Although once you enter the church, people start trying to pull you here and there to join one department or the other, I didn’t budge until I wanted to. I’m quite stubborn, and I don’t like doing things because I have been told to. It makes me feel like the decision isn’t mine anymore. So I joined a department, and it was okay until my schedule changed and I had to start working on Sunday mornings. I was still able to come to church, but not early anymore. I explained this several times, but every Sunday, I’ll come in to answer the same question again. So I quit.
It may not make sense to you, but I have always felt God’s pull on my life. No, I don’t feel a calling to become a preacher or to start/open a church, but I have always felt His pull on me. Like I’m supposed to have a deep and meaningful relationship with Him. When I was about 16 or 17, a family friend (Ada) came from London and introduced me to God, and I connected with Him in a way I never had. I felt a kind of peace that I cannot explain. I don’t know what happened or when it happened or why it happened, but the relationship broke, ans I stopped being so close to God. I know this. And I miss this.
Back to my Nigerian church, I enjoyed the social scene and I enjoyed the Nigerian music, but I still lacked that connection I needed. I was not spiritually edified in there. I felt like every Sunday morning, I was just dressing up to go to church and warm the seat and look at what new outfits people were launching today. The sermons annoyed me and stirred me up inside, and people’s attitude toward others just irritated me. Most things I heard sounded cultural and political and personal, but rarely ever spiritual. Every Sunday, it was tithe for this, thanksgiving for that, fund for this, offering for that. I was so angry inside that I stopped paying tithes, offering, and everything altogether. Even when I had it, I refused to pay it.
Then there was the issue of altar calls. “If you want to be married by the end of this year, the Lord is calling you to sow a seed of $1,000” Was He really? The example above isn’t an exaggeration; it was an actual altar call, and people came out with their checks. I remember it like it was yesterday. By the way, some – if not most – of them are still single (and they paid money to be married years ago). But then, there was a disclosure that if the miracle did not happen for you, then it meant that you did not have faith. Funmie says that Nigerian churches have to do altar calls because that’s the only way to get money out of Nigerians. I understand that churches need money, and I am more than willing to give it when I have it, but if they did this because they needed to raise funds, then that means that God didn’t actually tell them to do it? I don’t know what the truth is; I just know that my spirit did not like it. I felt uncomfortable being there.
Igwe shared my sentiments, although his conviction wasn’t as strong as mine. Meanwhile, I was constantly driving past a church near my house and feeling like I needed to go see what was going on in there. So one Sunday in March of 2013, we finally went there. We loved it and we stayed. They do altar calls there, too, but their calls are for people who want to dedicate/rededicate their lives to Christ, or people who want to live for God, or people who need extra prayers, etc. Never, ever for sowing a financial seed in hopes to reap a blessing from God.
When I started attending my new church, every time the Pastor would do an altar call, I would hesitate to go out because I would be waiting for him to tell us how much to bring on our way. I wasn’t doing it on purpose, but I had attended a church that did that all the time, so my brain just associated altar calls with money, instead of God. A friend of ours who goes to our former church recently came to our church and was stunned that there was a sincere call to the altar for those who wanted to give their lives to Christ.
Just to be clear, my relationship with God is my relationship with God and doesn’t depend on the Pastor of my former or current church. But it’s like wanting to be the top doctor in the nation and attending a school that graduates the best chefs. I needed to go to a place where I could be spiritually edified, instead of going to church and coming out needing more. The church felt dead to me, like God had left the building and we were just there shouting Alleluia. What I have written here is my story and my truth. I am not imposing it on anyone, not even on Igwe.
Ever since I lost that relationship I had with God, I have had bouts of trying to reclaim it, but I have been doing it on my own. I realize now that indeed no one can come to God unless He says so. I approached my relationship with God the way you’d casually make the decision to start cooking with less salt. But this is a spiritual thing, and I failed every time because He did not say so. So I prayed about it; sometimes I was more sincere than others. But while God might be salt to the earth, He is not cooking salt. I’m still praying for a relationship with Him, and as long as there’s breath in me, I’ll continue praying.
This post is long, I know. Sorry. What I have written here isn’t half of what I have to write about, but if I were to write everything, it’ll take several posts to get it all out. This is a strange post, I know because Nigerians would typically never write something so unflattering about church, lest they be outcast. *Shrug* Not that I’m trying to implicate anyone, but I have spoken to many people who feel this way about their Nigerian church; few of them are willing to leave their church though. They just complain and stay there. Even fewer will put up a post like this. I must be smoking something good.
Oh, and also to clarify, I don’t think that every Nigerian church is like this or that non-Nigerian churches aren’t like this. I also do not hate my former church, nor have I excommunicated it. For example, if someone invites me to something (like a wedding), I will go. In the end, for me, it’s all about Heaven. That’s the destination I’m striving for, and I need all the grace I need.
Should I still ask you what church means to you?
Brought up Catholic . Secondary school through university, I was Catholic. Final year of uni, like most catholics, I felt I wanted more and I started attending a popular penticostal church in lagos. To be honest, I enjoyed it for a while, like 3 years, but i got bored. I felt the msgs were no longer spiritual anymore, more like how to be funky with God or something, anyway, i stopped, then I fell out with God again and stopped going to church completely. I knew I was missing something but couldn’t quite place it. Then I started going to another penticostal church which taught me D value of praying and seeking the spirit for yourself. In other words, it doesn’t really matter the church u go to, if u don’t have d discerning spirit, you won’t be able to make sense of the church. I’m happy to say that in 2014, I made my way back to the Catholic Church. Sometimes we think what we lack is from the church meanwhile the restlessness is really from within.
happy new year Vera. I really like this post. I hope I’ve not over written sha. But I understand people’s decisions to change churches and continue to find that which they are comfortable with.
This sounds so much like my story. Born catholic, brought up catholic, tried out a protestant church in uni for about a year, was absolutely turned off especially for the reasons Vera highlighted in this post, entirely stopped going to church for a year or so and then returned to the catholic church afterwards.
Looking back in retrospect, I was a youngster who left the catholic in search of “the feel good factor” which the catholic church didn’t really offer. I also didn’t quite understand the catholic doctrine as well as I do now.
Church to me means a safe place where I can be myself without being ashamed, a place where I find peace, learn and am encouraged to be better and grow in my relationship with God. Where ever you find these, is where you should go.
Well done Vera!
Sometimes we think what we lack is from the church meanwhile the restlessness is really from within.
‘Nuff said. Been there. In fact, struggling to leave there.
Berry Dakara Blog
You have spoken so well that I see myself directly on this note print. Just like yesterday and you have spoken the mind of the struggling spirit.
I love this! This is soo timely for me. I’m at a point where I’m trying to develop and work my Christianity as a personal relationship with God rather than the mainstream Christianity being practiced. I am also trying to fix the gaps in my Bible studies. Hmmmnnn God help us sha
Verastically Vera! I am with you on this one! I love God and I’m a firm believer in giving. What I detest is this notion that somehow all your blessings is tied to “sowing a seed.” I mean responding to alter calls about money.
2014 was the year I had enough of it! The way some of our churches (both African and non-African) preach prosperity is sickening. It takes away from the true essense of knowing God. We have turned Him into a “give and take” God. You have to give money to merit his favor.
If God removed all the material things we now refer to as blessings – which is way beyond the cars, houses, business deals – how many would still serve him like we do?
Look at the extremist groups (ISIS, BH and the rest), they are convinced beyond a doubt that they are doing the will of their God. The material things don’t matter to them. Heck, even their lives aren’t more important that serving their God.
My view towards giving in churches now is not to give out of emotion – don’t get caught up in the moment – but give for a purpose. By that, I mean I’d rather give towards a church project and the upkeep of the church than just because I want God to do something for me.
Do good as an end in itself, not a means to an end. Telling people to “sow a seed” for a spouse is just so one kind.
Sorry for my long rant. Na you ask for am…lol
Amen sister Vera!!!!
I’ve found that there is no better way to get closer to God than to read the bible. It shows his character. I’ve been dedicated and I’ve also been lazy about reading the bible though. But I’ve made it a conscious effort. God bless you girl.
Timely post about Church/Christianity.I feel the exact same way. I am slowly quitting the church too. I just got back from home on New Year’s eve and I got me a nice new bible, hardcover while I was away. My goal is to immerse myself in it and understand God for myself. For the Bible says “In the begining was the word and the word was with God and the word IS God” Fortunately, there is a guide to “read-your-bible-in-a-year” plan behind it and I have started. I have tried this one year thing before and failed woefully. God help me oo..I have already slipped since I started. I stopped thithing last year. When I went home, I told my mom to look for a widowed family I can help out every month. Or orphaned and fatherless kids. I believe this is where Gods wants us to put our thithes in the first place. Not for it to go to “Daddy G.O” and co who are buying up choice areas in London and other parts of Europe. Its the truth a lot of people are uncomfortable to say. You are not supposed to question or challenge men of God they will say. But my soul is at stake. And I have decided to work out my own salvation with hopefully the right amount of fear and trembling. I like this honest and “vulnerable” side of Vera. Is this going to be your new approach for 2015? I love it , keep it up.
p/s: Note the name change. haha.
I love this post for it’s sensitive truth and sincerity.
What church means to me? I’ll answer that question shortly but first can I tell you that I had been a “church hopper” (going to different churches not having a permanent church home) in the past for some of the reasons you’ve stated. Some people will say churh is what you bring to it and the frame of mind you are in, but I vehimently disagree.
I go to church for spiritual inspiration and rejuvination. I expect to come out of the service with “spiritual fuel” for the week/days ahead. I should not feel cold/dead or the same when I leave or worse.
I pray that you will return to the place of meaningful relationship with God that you yearn for. God knows your heart and as you continue to pursue God He will reveal himself to you. God bless you, may your heart be encouraged, and your Joy and Peace be full.
Your readers/fans appreciate your honesty and that is why we keep reading. You would be surprised how many of us shared your opinion, including me. You just have to stay true to yourself and at the same time pray and stay strong in your faith that what you do everyday is what God calls you to do. Staying strong whether it’s reading daily devotionals from Osteen, praying, reading the Bible, or other venues :-).
Hmmmm Vera,this my first landing on your blog and pulled by this post.Thanks for saying it.I have also written about this issue more than once and still talk about it–sowing seed and giving solely as a trade by barter with God and not to honor Him,and this is actually propagated by pastors and MOGs.
I was raised Catholic, still catholic but I’m what Rick Warren calls World-class Christian.I try not to be regimented to a place or to judge any group by what the leader does because even the white garment churches here have ardent and sincere members who do not know that what rituals they perform are no longer needed.
To me church is a gathering of Christ’s followers with one purpose–to worship God and fellowship with one another,get strengthened ,healed,soothed and reminded of the essence of living and our final destination:Heaven.
Hey Vera, as a Nigerian like you–who understands the complexities of our churches–I definitely appreciate your candor. I am also in search of a church I am almost giving up on finding a church that suits me; a balance between feeling ‘at home’ and nourishing my soul spiritually. I just haven’t found it yet. But then again, like Berry Dakara said maybe it’s just a restlessness within me. Maybe indeed all the churches I have been are absolutely ok, and there’s just a restlessness within me. I am a very restless person anyway. Lol. Still, this post could not have come at a better time.
I lived in guilt, fear and despair for a very long time in my christian walk with God. I attended a church where people were judged by how much they gave (tithes, offerings, e.t.c), how many people they brought to the church and how much of a “yesman” they were to the church leaders. Eventhough they peached “grace”, they practiced the “law” with many underlying rules/regulations. It was difficult to do enough. You were indirectly made to feel guilty for “not having to give when you needed to give”. You were made to feel your connection to God was only through your man of God. Yes. Your man of God was the mediation between you & God, God communicates directly to him and then he tells you what the Will of God for your life is. A lot of manipulation, lies, deceit, fear, confusion was present. Who are you to question the man of God?… He is the man of God, invariably, God…lol (its not funny at all). A lot of people lost their love for God, peace and the joy of their salvation. They made christianity very difficult and stressful, it became a “performance-based” lifestyle rather than a life of grace, love and joy in the holyghost!
I’m so grateful to God He’s pulled me back to Himself. Knowing that God loves me regardless of anything gives me so much joy and peace. Thanks for this piece Vera, u hit the nail on the head, our relationship with God is all that matters. Knowing that God loves us unconditionally and unequivocally is truly liberating!
Church is made up of the people, not the building, property , etc. but the individual people and that is a fellowship which is essential to uplift the spirit. I am a firm believer in personal relationship with God, study the word and know it instead of immortalizing pastors and other religious figures. They are also human and not all are the sons of God even the bible says that not everyone that acts like they are, are his children. Follow God alone. shikena and fellowship is to uplift the spirits not to extort. God loves a cheerful giver, not a grudging/forced one and that is when it is acceptable unto him, not only money, our time, services, etc. His mercy is not by trade by barter and His grace is more than sufficient for us because even in our unfathfulness, He remains faithful.
Vera nwanne m, I know my comment is a whole two weeks late but I will still put it here.
I attended the same church for four years until last year when I decided to take a break from all the ‘church working’. When I tell you that barely ten people asked whether I still existed, you will not believe me. It was almost as if my absence did not make a difference. So I began to search for a different church to attend. I visited various ones (nigerian churches) and they were all the same: bring money, sow a seed, bring this and that. I love my naija churches because it makes me feel kinda sorta close to home with the familiar names and all, but that money issue is always a huge turn off. Long story short, I am going back to my original church in a few weeks, but something has changed: I am going back with the mindset of growing my relationship with God from within not just because “pastor said…”. I have begun concentrating more on my personal journey with God and knowing Him for myself. I am still having second thoughts about the tithing thing, whether to keep paying it to my church or just use it to help someone who is truly in need and know that I am making a tangible difference in someone’s life. But bottom line is, no more trying to please anyone in the name of rules. God’s grace is not supposed to leave any room for legality or fear or a sense of bondage. I’m going back but now it’ll be me and God and whatever we decide.
I know there are people there who feel the same way but are afraid of speaking up for fear of being the bad eggs. It’s just so sad sha…
Kindly count me as one of those Nigerians who will not look down on you for this post. The church lost me several years ago…
I used to be a very committed church servant as a teen and a little older, even helping to plant an Anglican chapel in my university back then. The challenges we faced from people you would expect to join forces with us came as a big shock. People of the faith, as we thought they were. That episode, bad as it was, didn’t entirely sway me. I persisted. But, years went by and my disenchantment with the church, and indeed all of religion, grew. So, it’s not just about the Nigerian (or black folks’) Church, as much as I appreciate where you might be going with that.
There are way too many unanswered questions about God and His existence. The Bible does little to answer these questions, and even poses more of its own. Then, there’s the bit about ‘Christians’ who look and act nothing like the Christ they claim to worship. Not for me, I’m afraid. I am content with being a human who’s guided by my conscience that tells the difference between right and wrong. If you ask me, that’s about all the world needs.
It will be interesting to know how far you have come with your quest to find God, though. It’s hard to not feel the sincerity in your writing, and I’m glad I kept this blog post of yours open on my browser tab for as long as I did. Definitely more than six months now. I eventually read, and I’m glad I did.
Wishing you all the best.