One of the exciting things about Nigerian parties is the food, but if you are smart, you won’t rely totally on the food because there’s no telling what it’ll taste like. I’ve gone for parties where the food was so good, I wanted to take the whole cooler home. And then there are some that just make you have sinful thoughts of how many ways you want to kill the caterer. So, to be safe, I always eat at home. I don’t mean to brag, but my cooking can make you want to marry me – whether you’re a man or a woman.
That said, some Nigerian caterers are doing very bad things! And it’s the ones who can actually cook. It wouldn’t matter if it was those whose food tastes like cardboard because you wouldn’t eat it anyway. But when it’s the good ones, the thing can pain. Specifically, I’m talking about how their meats are always too hard and tough to eat, and as if that isn’t bad enough, they’re sometimes cut too big, so you can’t throw the whole thing in your mouth. I even wrote an encounter about it a while back.
I have thought about the issue long and hard, and I have compiled a list of the 10 reasons why Nigerian caterers make their meats hard. In no particular order, here are the reasons why
1, Soft, friendly-sized meat is for the weak, and Nigerian caterers are trying to make us strong with some tough meat love.
2. Some of the guests are official, confirmed, certified enemies of the caterers, so the caterers are trying to punish them by making it hard for everyone.
3. If people are unable to eat the meat, they will abandon them and the caterers will take them back home (where they will cook them properly and eat them).
4. The host did not pay them the balance, so they made the meats hard to humiliate the host.
5. The host told them to cut money anywhere they could, so they bought horse meat instead.
6. They ran out of gas while cooking the meat, hence the hardness of the meat.
7. The caterers charged the host by the hour instead of by the job, so when the allocated time for cooking the meat expired, the caterers just took the meat off the fire.
8. The caterers read somewhere that if guests don’t lose at least one tooth and stain their clothes at least once, then the caterers haven’t done a satisfactory job.
9. North Korea is threatening war, and although unrelated, all the cows in the world have gone on strike.taken a strike, which has forced the caterers to cook rubber instead of meat.
10. All the caterers are playing a game of who fit choke pass where they’re trying to figure out who can choke the highest number of guests.
Bonus: All the caterers are possessed by an unknown – but powerful – demon.