One of the exciting things about Nigerian parties is the food, but if you are smart, you won’t rely totally on the food because there’s no telling what it’ll taste like. I’ve gone for parties where the food was so good, I wanted to take the whole cooler home. And then there are some that just make you have sinful thoughts of how many ways you want to kill the caterer. So, to be safe, I always eat at home. I don’t mean to brag, but my cooking can make you want to marry me – whether you’re a man or a woman.
That said, some Nigerian caterers are doing very bad things! And it’s the ones who can actually cook. It wouldn’t matter if it was those whose food tastes like cardboard because you wouldn’t eat it anyway. But when it’s the good ones, the thing can pain. Specifically, I’m talking about how their meats are always too hard and tough to eat, and as if that isn’t bad enough, they’re sometimes cut too big, so you can’t throw the whole thing in your mouth. I even wrote an encounter about it a while back.
I have thought about the issue long and hard, and I have compiled a list of the 10 reasons why Nigerian caterers make their meats hard. In no particular order, here are the reasons why
1, Soft, friendly-sized meat is for the weak, and Nigerian caterers are trying to make us strong with some tough meat love.
2. Some of the guests are official, confirmed, certified enemies of the caterers, so the caterers are trying to punish them by making it hard for everyone.
3. If people are unable to eat the meat, they will abandon them and the caterers will take them back home (where they will cook them properly and eat them).
4. The host did not pay them the balance, so they made the meats hard to humiliate the host.
5. The host told them to cut money anywhere they could, so they bought horse meat instead.
6. They ran out of gas while cooking the meat, hence the hardness of the meat.
7. The caterers charged the host by the hour instead of by the job, so when the allocated time for cooking the meat expired, the caterers just took the meat off the fire.
8. The caterers read somewhere that if guests don’t lose at least one tooth and stain their clothes at least once, then the caterers haven’t done a satisfactory job.
9. North Korea is threatening war, and although unrelated, all the cows in the world have gone on strike.taken a strike, which has forced the caterers to cook rubber instead of meat.
10. All the caterers are playing a game of who fit choke pass where they’re trying to figure out who can choke the highest number of guests.
Bonus: All the caterers are possessed by an unknown – but powerful – demon.
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God bless you Ada. I thought it was just me. Oh dear the meat is always cut so big that it just puts you off and also the presentation is so poor. Even in Nigeria that’s how it also is . I just tire. No wonder westerners do not patronise our restaurants like how they do with the chinese. Professors of food nutrition in Nigeria pls step in here . Let’s rub minds šššš
Oh, that’s a whole other can of worms — I’m talking about the presentation issue. The problem is that sometimes, the people who know how to do the presentation are not the ones cooking the food or owning the restaurants. Instead, you just have people who know how to cook but not anything else.
NIgerian Caterers in nigera are bae then
cos I cant remember the last time i had a bad experience with meat at a party.
its always soft enough for you to use cutlery and still look cute or bite size sef
but whenever i encouter wicked meat at a party-i just ignore
soiling my fingers/hands, clothes or makeup at a party is a no no
Loooooooool at wicked meat. That’s exactly what it is. Very wicked! The thing can really pain. Anyway, clearly, I need to just be coming to Naija to eat soft meat cause these caterers in America want to remove my teeth.
So funny.
You are right but in Nigeria, most of the guests don’t mind the meat being big. In fact they will nail you to the cross if the meat small. š
Oh, wow!! That’s nice then. If the meat here was big and soft, then I wouldn’t complain, but the problem is that it’s so big and so hard and you cannot be fighting with meat while you’re trying to be cute at an event. Lol.
I vote for #7
Hahaha. Of course, you do. I had so much fun creating this list, and I was laughing my head off as I pictured every single scenario.