This post is probably one of them.
You ever notice how people conveniently avoid the woman with the baby on the flight? You can’t blame them really. What are the chances that the baby will not scream them to oblivion? It’s not like they can yell at the baby. Well, they can — but imagine who would be the bad guy after that. Besides, that would probably cause the baby to scream longer and louder.
I remember this flight I was on, and there was a woman, her baby, and another woman whom I assumed to be her mother. I sat next to them because that was the nearest open seat I found. I happen to be one of those people who avoid the baby-having passengers like a plague. When we were however-many-thousands of feet in the air, I decided to pull out that tiny little table – if you would call it that – attached to the back seat of the passenger in front of you. With my text book on it, I decided to tackle my 30-questions long assignment.
But this baby, this cute little blonde, blue-eyed baby … it just could not resist the shine of my pencil. It kept pulling it away from me. I did not really mind. I was bothered by something else. I could not tell if this baby was a boy or a girl. Its ears were not pierced, so it was hard to tell. The style and colors of its clothes were unisex – a dull green color. Its hair was short, and it had not yet received its first hair cut – I was sure – so the style of its hair was misleading. Besides, I know how Black babies’ hair can morph into a Punk-lookalike hair cut. If you did not know better, you’d swear the baby’s mother was trying to make her child look like Bobby Brown – back when he was somebody. Or maybe that only happens to Nigerian babies. But I digress.
So this baby kept pulling my pencil. If I could steal it – yes, the baby, take it to the bathroom and open its diapers, I would have. I was so curious to know if it was a boy or a girl. Not knowing was terribly uncomfortable. It kept smiling at me. Its smile said nothing about its gender. I think it was probably because it did not have teeth. It was not the flirtatious smile of a boy baby to a female; neither was it the mischievous smile of a girl baby to a girl [sorry girls!]. I just had to know; if not for anything, I needed to stop the mental argument going on in my head where I referred to the baby as he, she, and it – all at once. No, calling it the baby just wouldn’t do either. So why didn’t I just ask? I don’t know. I just could not bring myself to ask the question. How would I have asked?
- Is it a boy or a girl?
- He’s a boy?
- What’s her name?
- So uhm … did you get its gender checked before you had it?
- May I see its birth certificate for a second?
- Do you mind if I borrow your baby for a minute? Just need to go to the bathroom and check something real quick.
D’oh! I just got an idea. I could have asked: So what’s the baby’s name? Well, too late now! I’ll never find them again. But now that I think of it, the baby could have had a unisex name like Jamie or Chibuzo. Okay, fine. Maybe the chance of a White, blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby answering Chibuzo is slim, but it’s not totally impossible.
Maybe I should not have blogged about my desire to take a woman’s baby into the bathroom and expose its genitals. You think that might be sending the wrong message? Yeah, me too. The good news is that I am semi anonymous, and most of you don’t know what I look like – hopefully. The bad news is that I am kidding myself and the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) peeps might start looking at me weird.
Yeap. Some things are definitely better left unsaid.
****************************************
Something that does need to be said, however, is the Annual Shiloh Festival at House of Praise Baltimore Church. It started yesterday, Nov. 8th, and it will end on Sunday Nov. 15th 2009. I was there yesterday [Apostle Sunny Aiyemo (from Nigeria) preached], and it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E – to say the least. If you’re the Baltimore area, consider making a date with the LORD. I’ll be doing the same for the days I can make it. The schedule is below.
|
Day |
Date |
Time |
Pastor |
|
Monday |
Nov. 9th |
7:00 pm |
Apostle Sunny Aiyemo |
|
Tuesday |
Nov. 10th |
7:00 pm |
Apostle Sunny Aiyemo |
|
Wednesday |
Nov. 11th |
7:00 pm |
Apostle Sunny Aiyemo |
|
Thursday |
Nov. 12th |
7:00 pm |
Apostle Charles Ndifon |
|
Friday |
Nov. 13th |
7:00 pm |
Apostle Charles Ndifon |
|
Saturday |
Nov. 14th |
7:00 pm |
Rev. Sunday Akingbelure |
|
Sunday |
Nov. 15th |
9:00 am & 11:00 am |
Rev. Sunday Akingbelure |
** Saturday’s service is actually a praise event, so come there with your singing voice and your dancing shoes. And wear your African outfit, if you can.
** For Tuesday’s service, Apostle Sunny Aiyemo has requested that you bring a bottle of water with you.
Contact info:
Address: 6101 Moravia Park Drive
Baltimore, MD, 21206.
Tel: 1.410.483.6101n OR 1.410.483.6107
E-mail: admin@houseofpraisebaltimore.org
Website: www.houseofpraisebaltimore.org
I won't be first this time, I know.
Okay, now that I'm second (or is it first), let me say that this was a nice read, except for your invitation to church since I don't live in Baltimore, and am no longer familiar with church services that require holy water. Gone were those days. Thank you very much 😉
Now to your in-flight baby. Haven't we all been in that situation before when we just wanna say "Is he male or female" but we just keep quiet just to avoid sounding silly? In actual fact, there is really no nice way to ask the question without it being a little awkward. Besides the sexism you might be accused of if you said "What's his name" and the child happens to be female, an unfriendly mother might want to ask why it is that you're curious about her child's name. It's always safer to remark: "Oh what a charming baby", and wait for the parent to take a cue. If they want to have a conversation, they may reply "Yes, he's so restless, isn't he?", and that would solve the matter.
But the real question would be: What does it matter what gender the baby is anyway?
I had the peculiar misfortune of sitting just in front of a family of four on a Nigerian flight a few days ago who in addition to having a very 'cry-some' baby, persisted in speaking Yoruba – very loudly too – when all I wanted to do was sleep.
curiosity would have gotten to me and i would have adopted bagucci's method.
i cant wait for u to have kids then u tell me all about the cries, sha dont feed them valium o! lol
i always always feel like that.im like…girl?boy?lol.
and they get really offended when you ask!!!!!!!!
lol
i laughed hard at this….
those questions where hilarious, thank God you didnt open ur mouth
am numbah sevunh!
Vera, pls stay away from non-gender specific babies. i dont have bail money for child molestation charges.
What did it matter if it was a boy or girl? Oh I forget, some of us are OCD…
All the best to the Shiloh.
lol yea
u should have NOT stolen the baby
Thank goodness u didnt