{"id":919,"date":"2011-01-29T21:30:27","date_gmt":"2011-01-30T02:30:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.verastic.com\/?p=919"},"modified":"2011-01-29T21:33:40","modified_gmt":"2011-01-30T02:33:40","slug":"in-my-next-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/vl\/in-my-next-life.html","title":{"rendered":"In My Next Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

In my next life, I’d like to be a woman, but I’d like men to have periods, too. Yes, you guessed it, this is another period post. \u00a0When you have to lose blood every twenty-four days, you will have no choice but to blog about it every now and then. There’s so much to talk about concerning periods: the clumpy [stinky] blood, the bloatedness, the fatigue, the mood swings. I mean, it’s endless.<\/p>\n

I was wondering on Thursday why my tummy was unusually big. Sure, it’s never been flat, but looking like I just swallowed a mountain of pounded yam is not its modus\u00a0operandi either. Then I remembered that Ms. Flow had come visiting. I tried every trick in the book to get my tummy to stop looking pregnant, including but not limited to lying on it for long periods of time. Still, it didn’t budge.<\/p>\n

On Thursday morning, I woke up\u00a0at 5AM to shovel the six inches of snow that had held my car hostage. It was while shoveling that Ms. Flow came. I shoveled her right into my panties. Feel free to imagine. \u00a0It took me about one and half hours to clear the snow around my car. By the time I was done, I expected to have six packs, or at least some kind of new toned body. No such luck.<\/p>\n

Since Thursday, my bathroom visits have been more than I care to have and\/or remember. And this morning, while I was at the oval office emptying my bowels, I thought to myself, It’s not that I don’t like being a woman. It’s not that I even mind bleeding every twenty-four days. It’s just that I wish men would suffer enjoy the same privileges, too.<\/em> It’s most likely not going to happen in this lifetime, but there’s no telling what the next lifetime will have in store. \u00a0People like Bagucci are happy that it is not my decision to make, but to people like him, I’m saying, “Don’t be too sure. I happen to know people (Jesus, Angels, Holy Spirit) that know God, and they will be more than happy to see that this fantasy of mine becomes a reality.<\/p>\n

I only have one advise for men: watch your boxers. Actually, panties. By the time Ms. Flow starts coming, you’ll need panties.<\/p>\n

\n

By the way, mostly unrelated to this post, but I learned a valuable lesson on Wednesday. When driving on the snow and you get stuck, don’t panic. Like me, stay parked on the road. Who cares the kind of gridlock you cause. Remain calm. Tweet a few times. Listen to music. \u00a0And always, always, always have some yogurt.<\/p>\n

\n

\n

\"\"<\/a>

The yogurt that kept me company<\/p><\/div>\n

P.S. I wonder what Ginger<\/a><\/strong> will have to say about this obala {bloody} post.<\/em><\/p>\n


\n<\/em><\/p>\n

P.P.S. The contest is still on for the Verastic 5th anniversary giveaway. All types of comments have been coming in: bible quotations, riddles, jokes, insults, songs, questions, innovations, alleged book manuscripts, poems, nursery rhymes, etc. The list goes on. They’re all in a bid to win the gifts. You can [and should] take part. All you have to do is leave a comment here<\/a><\/strong>. \u00a0Happy contesting \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In my next life, I’d like to be a woman, but I’d like men to have periods, too. Yes, you guessed it, this is another period post. \u00a0When you have to lose blood every twenty-four days, you will have no choice but to blog about it every now and then. There’s so much to talkRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[3],"class_list":["post-919","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-vl","tag-ms-flow","entry","has-post-thumbnail"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nIn My Next Life - 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