{"id":861,"date":"2011-01-15T21:28:59","date_gmt":"2011-01-16T02:28:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.verastic.com\/?p=861"},"modified":"2011-01-15T21:44:04","modified_gmt":"2011-01-16T02:44:04","slug":"sooo-yesterday-was-my-birthday","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/vl\/sooo-yesterday-was-my-birthday.html","title":{"rendered":"Sooo… Yesterday Was My Birthday"},"content":{"rendered":"

I know you were expecting a birthday post as usual, but nothing about yesterday’s birthday was usual. Like I mentioned before, what I really, really wanted was a birthday party, but since I came to that realization late. I decided to settle on having dinner with friends. This, too, was a late decision that only came on Wednesday night. I texted people on Thursday morning, and the dinner was on Friday night – my birthday – January, 14th 2011.<\/p>\n

Before we went out for the evening, Funmie told me that she went to the store and tried unsuccessfully to buy me that dress, the one I wanted so badly a while ago. I had gone to the store to buy a dress, but I fell in love with two dresses. Not being able to afford two at the same time, I ended up buying one and leaving the other one. It was the other one she tried to get me, but couldn’t find. I didn’t tell her, but when I got off the phone with her, I cried. I thought it was so sweet of her to try to get me that dress. Too bad she’s a woman. We would have been married with two point five kids and a white picket fence by now. A very high, very\u00a0electrocuted\u00a0white picket fence. And a Hugh Jackman – looking gate man to boot. Just in case wifey gets bored *coughs*<\/strong> Love you, Funmie. I’ll arrange a small accident for your husband if he makes you cry.<\/p>\n

We went to Eden’s Lounge – a place I had never, ever been to before. And I have lived in Baltimore for a decade *bows head in shame*<\/strong> I have been good at blogging and growing my virtual social network, but going out … to lounges … on Friday nights … on my birthday … Downtown Baltimore? Yeah, not so much. No, not at all. Most people didn’t make it. The ones that did, they made me laugh till I cried – literally. I’ll skip the boring details and move to the interesting part.<\/p>\n

Time to order. Busola – God bless her heart – decided she’ll only order a plate of chicken wings because she did not care to try anything else. No, make that two<\/em> plates of chicken wings. Funmie had one order of chicken wings, too, and an order of crab cakes. Chinwe and I had mango chicken qausidillas and chicken wings. And Ibukun had beef springs rolls and fries. I had starved myself all day for this dinner, but by the time I had two mango chicken quesadillas, a few wings, and a handful of fries, I couldn’t go through half of my food. Maybe it had something to do with the drinks.<\/p>\n

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Before the 'craze' started<\/p><\/div>\n

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Courtesy of Funmie<\/p><\/div>\n

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Funmie forgot to bring forks, so that's a straw in my cake. Don't ask me how I did it.<\/p><\/div>\n

Oh, the drinks! I first ordered two mango martinis. You can tell I like mango-flavored things, right? Prior to yesterday night, I don’t think I had ever drunk a whole glass of any alcoholic drink. After the two mango martinis, I had two more mango martinis. I still don’t know how I did it. Four glasses down, I started feeling a little funny. Both of my eyes were watering, and I didn’t know why. \u00a0I think I know why now.<\/p>\n

\n

At about 10PM, we were relocated to a different part of the lounge. We didn’t know that the lounge turned into a club on Friday nights. So, there we were … in a club. \u00a0More people joined us. By the way, if you see Chinwe, tell her I’ll be sending a bill to her for making me laugh like a hyena. This girl danced like no one was watching her. \u00a0She had a peach martini. Funmi had a peach martini, too. Ibukun had a Long Island ice tea … and four shots of Blue Motorcycle [vodka & gin]. Speaking of Blue Motorcycle, Funmi bought one, told me to close my eyes and open my mouth … and voila, it went down my throat.<\/p>\n

My current count: four glasses of Mango Martini and a shot of Blue Motorcycle.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

A friend who was there, he bought me a Burberry London perfume set – God bless his heart for enabling my love obsession for fragrances. He had two glasses of Greygoose mixed with pineapple juice. I don’t know if there’s a fancy name for this drink. I had two sips gulps of \u00a0his cocktail. I didn’t like it cause it warmed the inside of my throat. It took the second gulp to realize that. He decided to buy me two glasses of pineapple juice.<\/p>\n

My current count: four glasses of mango martini, one shot of Blue Motorcycle, two gulps of greygoose and pineapple juice, and two glasses of pineapple juice. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Funmie was my designated driver. The chic was so hyper that at some point, I was not sure if having her drive me home was a good idea. The way she was dancing, I was scared for my life. \u00a0Busola had on flat shoes, yet she danced for a bit and had the nerves to sit down because her feet huer. My four-three-quarter inch heels and I did not part for one second. I fear that if care is not taken, my friends and I will end up getting old before we get old. We need to go out more often.<\/p>\n

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Busola dancing ... before her feet started "hurting"<\/p><\/div>\n

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You see why I was worried about Funmie driving me home?<\/p><\/div>\n

When the lounge turned into a club, our mouths dropped at the dance moves we saw. One particular chic, her sole mission was to dry hump all the security guys. I had a conspiracy theory: she was doing it to distract security so that her accomplice would do dirt at some other part of the club<\/em>. Okay, so perhaps, I have watched too many action flicks. The other chic, she was giving away free lap dances like it was a cold virus. For a brief minute, I considered getting one, too. I also had a conspiracy theory for her: she was getting paid<\/em>. I cannot quite justify my reason for the creativity to come up with this theory.<\/p>\n

The way the second girl twisted her body, I was fascinated. Men gawked, their faces begged to have a piece of what she offered. Women stared. Some were jealous, tried to feign their jealousy as disgust. Most – like me – watched with curious eyes, wishing they could do what she did. She may have called what she was doing lap dancing<\/em>. It looked more like dry-friggin-humpin’ – the musical<\/em>. \u00a0And I liked it! *Insert\u00a0embarrassed\u00a0Igbo face*<\/strong> At some point, she danced with one of my guests. You should have seen the satisfied look on his face. And on hers, too. I took a picture of them. Babe was anything but camera-shy. She wanted to see the picture, make sure she liked it. Since I wouldn’t want to put my friend in possible wahala, I’ll keep away from posting his picture here. But I am tempted.<\/p>\n

Another friend came in with another friend (tautology?). The friend who came in with the friend, let’s call him Mr. Perfect Gentleman<\/em>. I don’t know if he wants his name mentioned, and since we have mutual friends, I’ll respect his privacy. So Mr. Perfect Gentleman bought me a bottle of Moet Champagne. He didn’t tell me that he did. So when the waitress came to our table with a bottle of Moet and a bucket of ice asking for the birthday girl, I was a little taken back. For reasons I won’t bother mentioning, I thought he did a very sweet and thoughtful thing. The champagne was popped. We drank. I had two glasses. It was my very first time drinking Moet. I had heard so many things about it in songs. At last, we met! Dance, dance, dance.<\/p>\n

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When Vera drank Moet<\/p><\/div>\n

Before we left [at 2AM], a guy whom I assumed to be African-American, whom I had also never seen or spoken to before came to me while I was jejely sitting down and minding my Verastic business and began to — shall we call this fondle<\/em> me? He touched me like it was just a continuation from where we stopped. And Funmie decided to take a picture — which he posed for. What was I doing while all this was going on? I was in the errr-???-uhhmmm phase. He got up to leave, and then I thought, why, it’s my birthday!<\/em> So I called him back and said, “We have to take this picture right!”<\/em> He sat on me [facing me], his legs wrapped around mine, and Funmie took a picture. We looked like two lovers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other: a fable that I was very willing to live in — even if for the moment.<\/p>\n

My current count: four glasses of mango martini, one shot of Blue Motorcycle, two gulps of greygoose and pineapple juice, two glasses of pineapple juice, two glasses of Moet champagne, and a bottle of water.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Exiting the club was one happy, blurry-eyed, exhausted, really, really, happy<\/em> Vera. You say tipsy, I say happy. Semantics really.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I know you were expecting a birthday post as usual, but nothing about yesterday’s birthday was usual. Like I mentioned before, what I really, really wanted was a birthday party, but since I came to that realization late. I decided to settle on having dinner with friends. This, too, was a late decision that onlyRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[144,13,57,261,331,55],"class_list":["post-861","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-vl","tag-birthday","tag-busola","tag-fun","tag-funmie","tag-mr-perfect-gentleman","tag-party","entry","has-post-thumbnail"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nSooo... 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