{"id":8109,"date":"2013-11-07T02:10:42","date_gmt":"2013-11-07T07:10:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com\/?p=8109"},"modified":"2013-11-06T23:24:25","modified_gmt":"2013-11-07T04:24:25","slug":"poop-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/poop-work.html","title":{"rendered":"Do You Poop At Work?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Image<\/a>

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No, seriously, this is a serious question. I’m very weird with my poop: I don’t like leaving it in other people’s houses. The only place I feel truly comfortable pooping is in my house. Beside the fact that I don’t like using public restrooms, there’s also the issue of poop being stinky — although, of course, my poop doesn’t stink *straight face*<\/p>\n

I refuse to poop at work. I can’t. I won’t. I actually try to poop at night or in the morning because I don’t want to do it at work. There is this kind of poop you poop at work that will just make people lose respect for you. There’s a lady at my job who keeps pooping at work, and I don’t understand it.<\/p>\n

She goes in there and runs the tap while doing the do, like no one will figure out that the perpetual running water is to mute the sound effects of the poop falling into the toilet bowl. Oyibo people are interesting. They run water to mute the sound of their poop (or pee), and I laugh at the irony that in Nigeria, some people don’t even have water to drink, not to talk of flushing their poop, or worse, muting the sound of their poop. But I digress.<\/p>\n

So this woman goes in there and commits an abomination. Then she walks out and smiles like ain’t nothing happening. Meanwhile, the building is about to crash and the smell is leaving people on the brink of the after life. The thing is not funny at all. Biko, everyone should respect themselves and be considerate of their neighbors oh! How can you come to work to make money and go home with dysentery? Odiro mma now! (It is not good).<\/p>\n

I remember when Igwe and I started dating. I never, ever pooped in his house. I would literally force myself to poop before going to his house. And if the calling should dare to come while I’m on my way to his house, I would stop at a McDonald’s to poop. Yup. I’ll step right in there and go straight to the bathroom, and I’ll leave without buying nothing. Not a damn thing. Sorry McDonald’s. You must be thinking, what if the poop comes while you’re there already?<\/em> Well, it’s simple: I leave! No, seriously, I leave. Igwe never used to know why I was leaving abruptly, but Funmie always knew. I’d call her and tell her that I left because I had to poop. Then we’d laugh our heads off about it and she’d tell me that I’m crazy.<\/p>\n

Back to pooping at work, please respect your job position. When people start knowing what your poop smells like, they’ll start looking at you differently, trying to figure out what on earth you ate. And how will you explain okporoko and that stinky thing we put in our soup? The name eludes me right now.<\/p>\n

Speaking of pooping at work, I was on the phone with Solachi once when she suddenly became quiet. I said hello<\/em> several times and she didn’t respond. Next thing, she sent me a text to say that she was in the bathroom pooping and a coworker just came in so she didn’t want to talk because she did not want her coworker to recognize her voice and know that she was the one stinking up the place. Look, I cannot even judge her. My mom always texts me when she’s pooping at some place public, and she makes sure to tell me how much it stinks. Thanks, mom. I need to reevaluate the people in my life.<\/p>\n

So, do you poop at work?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No, seriously, this is a serious question. I’m very weird with my poop: I don’t like leaving it in other people’s houses. The only place I feel truly comfortable pooping is in my house. Beside the fact that I don’t like using public restrooms, there’s also the issue of poop being stinky — although, ofRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8112,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[560],"tags":[6,380,929],"class_list":["post-8109","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-social","tag-funny","tag-politics","tag-work","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDo You Poop At Work? 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