{"id":8100,"date":"2013-11-06T02:18:14","date_gmt":"2013-11-06T07:18:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com\/?p=8100"},"modified":"2013-11-05T23:07:50","modified_gmt":"2013-11-06T04:07:50","slug":"onesie-future-son","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/personal\/onesie-future-son.html","title":{"rendered":"A Onesie For My Future Son"},"content":{"rendered":"

I cannot possibly be the only one who buys clothes for my unborn children, right? Don’t worry, I don’t have a trunk full of them, just a few. I started buying clothes for my unborn children long time ago. They’re not anything too serious, but just items with funny one-liners written on them, like the yellow pair of socks and matching hat that says, ‘Daddy’s Little Alarm Clock.’<\/em>\u00a0I totally agree! I also have a bunch of onesies, and I LOVE onesies. In fact, I intend to get myself an adult onesie. Why not?<\/p>\n

So the other day, I was at Walmart. I’m always at Walmart, I know. I was walking past the baby clothes section when I spied a black onesie with the words, “PICK ME UP, SWEETHEART… I \u2665\u00a0older chicks.”<\/em> I laughed and kept walking. Then my inner self spoke to me and said, “Self aka\u00a0<\/em>Vera aka<\/em> Verastic aka<\/em> Omo Igbo toh bad aka<\/em> Omo Igbo to da aka Lolo aka<\/em> Mama Ibeji aka<\/em> Mama Ejima aka<\/em> Mama Twins, did you just walk past that funny onesie and not pick it up for your future son???”<\/p>\n

\"My<\/a>

My son’s onesie<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Forgive<\/a>

Forgive the wrinkles. It’s been in the bag since I bought it, and I’m not about that ironing life<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

So I ran back and picked it up. There was only one meant, so you know what this means, right? It was my destiny. \u00a0You want to know what<\/del> who I thought about when I read the onsie? Vivica A. Fox! Yes, the woman wants to perpetually rob the cradle<\/strong><\/a>, and as a mom, I owe it to my son to protect him. I mean, someone has to tell these women to stay away from young blood. And I have already decreed and declared that no old hag will be dating my son. Yes, I read all your comments saying that young men actually do like older women … blah blah blah. As long as they are not going after my sons, I couldn’t care less what they’re doing.<\/p>\n

It’s easy to say that it doesn’t matter, and that age is just a number — but that is until your son comes home with his aunty in the Lord. Nehi! (no, in Indian, as I learned from all those Indian movies). I will not allow it. I forbid it. It’s kind of like the same way you’re okay with homosexuality — until your son comes home with a man. That is when you know that the shimmy don pass the dress, and all of a sudden, it’s not so okay anymore. Yes, I know that my last sentence isn’t politically correct, but you know what, I’m tired of walking around on eggshells. I couldn’t care less if people are gay, but I will not lie and say that I agree with that lifestyle. I also know that my agreement or lack of it is totally irrelevant to said gay people, and I am totally okay with that.<\/p>\n

I have really gone off topic here. The point of this conversation is that old hags should stay away from my son(s)! In other news, the onesie I bought is actually sending the opposite of the message I intended to send. It encourages old hags to go after my son. Clearly, I didn’t think this one through. Maybe we should burn this onesie. Or edit it. It’ll read: “DON’T PICK ME UP, SWEETHEART… I don’t\u00a0\u2665\u00a0older chicks.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, I know what you must be thinking of me: Calm down, Vera. You don’t even have children yet!<\/em> Well, yes, that may be the case, but aren’t we supposed to act like things that aren’t, already are? Ehen. So, if anything, I am just trying to showcase the power and might and glory of my personal Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Praise be to God no ni.<\/p>\n

Before I end, I just remembered years ago when my mom discovered that I had baby clothes. She freaked out a little bit. I could hear the terror in her voice, when she asked, “Are you pregnant???” Preg-gini? Haaa! I wasn’t even having sex.<\/p>\n

So, do you buy anything for your future children?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I cannot possibly be the only one who buys clothes for my unborn children, right? Don’t worry, I don’t have a trunk full of them, just a few. I started buying clothes for my unborn children long time ago. They’re not anything too serious, but just items with funny one-liners written on them, like theRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8104,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[561],"tags":[145,255,928,598],"class_list":["post-8100","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-personal","tag-baby","tag-fashion","tag-kids-fashion","tag-parenthood","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nA Onesie For My Future Son - 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