{"id":6140,"date":"2013-03-28T09:37:02","date_gmt":"2013-03-28T13:37:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com\/?p=6140"},"modified":"2013-03-28T09:37:02","modified_gmt":"2013-03-28T13:37:02","slug":"proof-that-tonto-isnt-part-of-illuminati","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/proof-that-tonto-isnt-part-of-illuminati.html","title":{"rendered":"Proof That Tonto ISN’T Part Of Illuminati"},"content":{"rendered":"

I learned yesterday of the unfortunate incident that Tonto’s video for Hi<\/em> is out. I saw it on a few blogs, and I skipped right past it. First of all, watching the video would be a complete waste of my time. Secondly, I knew that watching the video would cause a blog post – and not a nice one. So I decided not to watch it. You guys have no idea the kind of restraint I have to exercise on this blog and Twitter.<\/p>\n

Nigerian people just like dashing me material. Like that time Omotola sent a tweet to “advise”<\/em> Kim Kardashian to have PR in Nigeria. Kim Kardashian to have PR in Nigeria??? Even if Kim Kardashian did in fact send that tweet (and even sent more sef), it won’t stop anyone from bringing her from Nigeria again. Plus, Nigerian celebs barely have PR. They have something they call PR, but something ain’t right. Naturally, all I could think after reading the advisory tweet was<\/p>\n

\"Bitch<\/a>

Bitch please<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

But I digress.<\/p>\n

Back to Tonto. Funmie called me last night to ask if I had seen the video, and would I blog about it? The answer was No<\/em> on both counts. Then she told me she fell asleep watching it, and that I should watch it, especially the\u00a0Illuminati part.\u00a0 So well, that got my attention. Still, I refused. I fought off the temptation. I said to the devil, get thee away from me,\u00a0Satan,\u00a0for a girl shall not always blog to point out stupidity; she shall also blog about other things.<\/p>\n

But Funmie said, “It’s right in the beginning, just a few seconds in. You don’t even have to watch the entire video.”<\/em> Well, then, this changes everything. So here I am this morning. Blogging.<\/p>\n

I have watched the video – 47 seconds of it, and I have gotten what I came for. She does have some Illuminati-symbol-looking thing in her video, and it’s all kinds of obvious. I think she’s just tryna press our buttons because she knows that people like this Vera girl who just have to share their opinions will blog about it. So here I am this morning. Blogging.<\/p>\n

\"Tonto's<\/a>

Tonto’s alleged Illuminati<\/p><\/div>\n

However, I am not here to call her a devil or a slut like so many other people have been doing. I ain’t about that life. But I don’t think she’s Illuminati either, and I have proof. After comparing Tonto to the other alleged Illuminati members, I have disqualified her Illuminati membership for the following reasons which are inconsistent with other alleged members.<\/p>\n

1.<\/strong> \u00a0She’s not talented [Please see Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Madonna, etc]<\/p>\n

2.<\/strong> \u00a0She’s not a dollar millionaire [Please revisit the people mentioned in number 1]<\/p>\n

Soo … that’s all (in my Oga at the top voice<\/em>)<\/p>\n

If Tonto really is part of the Illuminati, she needs to sue them for selling her short. And if you’re interested, the video is below. And yes, of course, this video, too, gets a certified Bitch, Please.<\/em><\/p>\n