{"id":5843,"date":"2013-03-12T12:03:22","date_gmt":"2013-03-12T16:03:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com\/?p=5843"},"modified":"2013-03-12T12:03:22","modified_gmt":"2013-03-12T16:03:22","slug":"give-me-a-spouse-or-i-die","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/give-me-a-spouse-or-i-die.html","title":{"rendered":"Give Me A Spouse Or I Die!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Church<\/a>

Church program: Give me a spouse or I die<\/p><\/div>\n

My regret is that I did not blog of this event sooner. I knew of it a while ago, but I completely forgot to share it here so that people who are now on the brink of death caused by spouselessness<\/em> can go to this event. The funny part is that there are people who actually feel this way. And there are people who attended this event … AND these people said this prayer to God.<\/p>\n

I can just see it happening. The pastor will say, “Now, say, FATHER!!! GIVE ME A SPOUSE OR I DIE! DON’T ALLOW MY ENEMIES TO LAUGH AT ME ANY LONGER. GIVE ME A SPOUSE, OH GOD. TURN MY GRASS INTO GRACE! GIVE ME THE BONE OF MY BONES! WILL MY OWN BE DIFFERENT? PROVIDE MY SPOUSE BY FIRE! FATTHHHEEEERRRR, GIVE ME A SPOUSE OR I DIE!!!! PRRRRAAAAAAYYYYYYEEEEEERRRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!”<\/em> And the entire church will erupt in spontaneous noise, shouting on God and demanding a spouse and threatening to die. Ehn, die now. Na today yansh begin dey for back?<\/p>\n

If not for the goodness, love, and patience of God, do you know how many of us will die by our own prayers? Give me a spouse or I die, ke? For what reason? They should have actually given it a different name: Give me a spouse or I commit suicide!<\/strong> Then we’ll know for sure which people are ready to die from spouselessness<\/em>.<\/p>\n

P.S.<\/strong>\u00a0I bet you most of these people can barely take care of themselves.<\/p>\n

P.P.S.<\/strong>\u00a0And I bet most of the attendees were women, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My regret is that I did not blog of this event sooner. I knew of it a while ago, but I completely forgot to share it here so that people who are now on the brink of death caused by spouselessness can go to this event. The funny part is that there are people whoRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[560],"tags":[229,658,6,54,164,208],"class_list":["post-5843","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-social","tag-church","tag-church-event","tag-funny","tag-god","tag-marriage","tag-nigeria","entry","has-post-thumbnail"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nGive Me A Spouse Or I Die! 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