{"id":486,"date":"2010-09-07T04:22:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-07T04:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com.s96953.gridserver.com\/site\/?p=486"},"modified":"2010-09-07T04:22:00","modified_gmt":"2010-09-07T04:22:00","slug":"vampire-shit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/vampire-shit.html","title":{"rendered":"Vampire Shit"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Have you ever had that kind of shit that vows it must tear your butt hole before it makes its grand exit? It’s very hard and  very long. Please, get your mind out of the gutter. It’s so hard to come out that you have to hold both ankles just to give yourself the illusion that the shit is suddenly sliding out better.  The difficulty with which it forces its way out makes your eyes water. You yelp out, moan, and groan — not for pleasure, but for pain. <\/span><\/div>\n

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It’s that kind of shit that while you’re at it, you beg God for forgiveness and promise<\/s> swear that you will never, ever, ever<\/i> disobey His word again, that you’ll go to church three times a week, that you’ll become a better worker in church, and that you’ll evangelize His goodness to the world.  <\/span>

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It’s the kind of shit that has everybody in the house spitting and saying, “Hmm! Tufia kwa!”<\/i> as they walk around. They ask, “What did you do in that toilet? It stinks!”<\/i> It’s the kind of shit that stinks so bad that you don’t even bother using an air freshener. Why bother?  When you get up from the commode and stir back at the object of your misery, you are filled with shock, confusion, excitement, and trepidation. A fleeting thought passes by: maybe you should take a picture and put it on Twitter. Those folks would love to see anything. You quickly dismiss the thought.<\/span>

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I call it the vampire shit.<\/i>  Have you ever had that kind of shit? <\/span>

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No?<\/span>

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Me neither. Just thought I’d ask.<\/span><\/span>

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Vera Ezimora on Twitter<\/a> ||| Vera Ezimora on Facebook<\/a><\/b><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Have you ever had that kind of shit that vows it must tear your butt hole before it makes its grand exit? It’s very hard and  very long. Please, get your mind out of the gutter. It’s so hard to come out that you have to hold both ankles just to give yourself the illusionRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[],"tags":[108],"class_list":["post-486","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","tag-shit","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nVampire Shit - Verastic<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/vampire-shit.html\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Vera Ezimora\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/vampire-shit.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/vampire-shit.html\",\"name\":\"Vampire Shit - Verastic\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2010-09-07T04:22:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#\/schema\/person\/2c1b7969fbea03a45b97d54a5228cc1a\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/vampire-shit.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/vampire-shit.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/vampire-shit.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Vampire Shit\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/\",\"name\":\"Verastic\",\"description\":\"Recklessly authentic.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#\/schema\/person\/2c1b7969fbea03a45b97d54a5228cc1a\",\"name\":\"Vera Ezimora\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f6c1e19c23a08351aab97f35d3ca650f0b87e7e96937f85baf0faf6e0834bc51?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f6c1e19c23a08351aab97f35d3ca650f0b87e7e96937f85baf0faf6e0834bc51?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Vera Ezimora\"},\"description\":\"I mean, I'm a lot of things - a Writer, Blogger, Speaker, Vlogger, Content Creator, Storyteller, Truth-Sayer, Milk-Lover, Yogurt-Addict, Entrepreneur, Daughter, Wife, Mom, & Nwa Jesu. 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