{"id":362,"date":"2009-09-12T04:02:00","date_gmt":"2009-09-12T04:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com.s96953.gridserver.com\/site\/?p=362"},"modified":"2009-09-12T04:02:00","modified_gmt":"2009-09-12T04:02:00","slug":"for-the-love-of-mr-shoes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/for-the-love-of-mr-shoes.html","title":{"rendered":"For The Love Of Mr. Shoes"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I have done a lot of crazy things for love. Okay, fine, maybe not a lot<\/i>, and come to think of it… what love<\/i>? But this time, I am about to do something crazy for love. It really is crazy<\/i>, and it really is love<\/i>. A while back — a really long while back — I heard on the radio that if you have a partner [boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, fiancee, husband, wife, whatever else there is out there these days] and he\/she has never farted in front of you, it means that he\/she has a lot to hide from you and cannot be trusted.<\/div>\n
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I am not one who wants to walk around farting. There is no honor in that! L In front of Funmie, Busola, etc, sure – in fact, it would be my pleasure J – but just anyone — especially a man? Hmm. If memory serves me right, there are only two men I have deliberately farted in front of: my cousin (who is like a brother to me) and my father (and that was when I was a baby and could not countrol myself anyway). Fine, I admit I have farted in front of a few male babies. Sue me.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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The radio personality also said that your partner should be able to do number two (doodoo\/poop) in front of you. See, I have a big problem with this. I do not even like number-twoing<\/i> in other people’s homes – males or females. I prefer doing it in the comfort of my home where I can scream, shout, and sing while I’m doing it. Besides, ever since Funmi’s doodoo clogged the toilet and someone else<\/i> had to come fix it, I’ve been a bit on the paranoid side. Every slice of shit deserves a flush, peeps. Remember that the next time you decide to offload your excess luggage. <\/div>\n
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But for the love of Mr. Shoes, I will break my rules. Oh, yes, I will. I will go above and beyond to doodoo and fart in front of him – for him, of course. As you all may know or not know, I am extremely lactose intolerant.<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/b> That said, I will consume as many dairy products as I can before I pay him a visit. And I’ll mix it up with a very peppery bowl of peppersoup. That should take care of both natural occurences<\/i>. (By the way, Natural Occurance<\/i> is Mr. Shoes’ word for the natural occurence of farting & doodoing).<\/div>\n
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After that, I will HAMMER<\/i>. By the time I’m through with him, he will be sure that he knows me. Sure, he may be a little bloated, but the end will justify the means, no? Oh, the things I do for love!!! Let no one ever say I never showed Mr. Shoes any love.<\/div>\n
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I have done a lot of crazy things for love. Okay, fine, maybe not a lot, and come to think of it… what love? But this time, I am about to do something crazy for love. It really is crazy, and it really is love. A while back — a really long while back —Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[],"tags":[210,209,6,19],"class_list":["post-362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","tag-doodoo","tag-flatulence","tag-funny","tag-love","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nFor The Love Of Mr. Shoes - 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