{"id":359,"date":"2009-09-03T04:12:00","date_gmt":"2009-09-03T04:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com.s96953.gridserver.com\/site\/?p=359"},"modified":"2009-09-03T04:12:00","modified_gmt":"2009-09-03T04:12:00","slug":"dear-massage-oil","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/dear-massage-oil.html","title":{"rendered":"Dear Massage Oil"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>It&#8217;s not funny anymore.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><a onblur=\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_JGw_f7aCtEE\/Spx-vLM-PZI\/AAAAAAAAAfk\/RiaUsJHWlag\/s1600-h\/DSC_0986.JPG\"><img decoding=\"async\" style=\"display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 268px;\" src=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_JGw_f7aCtEE\/Spx-vLM-PZI\/AAAAAAAAAfk\/RiaUsJHWlag\/s400\/DSC_0986.JPG\" border=\"0\" alt=\"\" id=\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376311404099681682\" \/><\/a><br \/>Seriously, it is so not funny anymore.  I have had you for <i>YEARS<\/i> now.  Your first owner, Funmie gave you to me several years ago, and you were exactly this size when she gave you to me.  The only difference between then and now is that you have collected dust and dirt from sitting on my dresser, untouched.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I am hurt that no one &#8211; man, woman, child, beast, or stuffed animal &#8211; has even glanced at you and raised an eyebrow.  For years, I have thought about all the fun times you, I, and someone else could have, but for years, no one worthy has shown <i>his<\/i> face, so on my dresser, you have remained&#8230;looking at me, looking at you.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I have taken the liberty to study your label today.  Apparently, you&#8217;re <i>scented<\/i>.  <i>Scented<\/i>, huh?  For a scented oil, you stink!  I don&#8217;t know if you stink because you have been sitting on my dresser for years or if you stink because you have always stunk, but either way, you stink.  Well, you don&#8217;t stink that badly, but you stink &#8211; for a <i>scented<\/i> oil.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that Funmie gave me this massage oil.   At this time, I know you must be wondering any, some or all of the following:<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><b>1.<\/b> Why on earth did you take a hand-me-down massage oil from Funmie?<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><b>2.<\/b> Why did Funmie even give the massage oil away?  Was the problem with the oil or her partner in crime (who could either have been the massager or the massagee.  Yes, the term <i>Masseuse<\/i> does come to mind at this time, but <i>massager<\/i> makes for a better Verastic term.  You know how <b><i>we<\/i><\/b> at Verastic dot com can be.)<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><b>3.<\/b> Forget about why Funmie gave the massage oil away.  The better question is who did Funmie use the massage oil with?  In other words, who was the mysterious massager\/massagee?<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><b>4.<\/b> K.Y. huh?  What else does Funmie have from K.Y.?<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>These, of course, are your questions &#8211; not mine.  This is not me projecting my questions on you.  Nooo!!  I wouldn&#8217;t do that.  That said, does anyone know the recipe for frying plantain and cooking stew with three or four year old massage oil?  And if you do, send it along with the antidote for eating such a meal.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>~ Written in a state of euphoria + ecstasy.  <b><span class=\"Apple-style-span\" style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.verastic.com\/2009\/08\/life-without-my-nwoke-ocha.html\"><span class=\"Apple-style-span\"  style=\"color:#000099;\">Nwoke Ocha<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/b> is back from the hospital.  And they did not mess with his hard drive.  Life, after all, is good.  <\/div>\n<div><b><br \/><\/b><\/div>\n<div><b>*Wink, Wink*<\/b><span class=\"Apple-tab-span\" style=\"white-space:pre\">  <\/span>  <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s not funny anymore. Seriously, it is so not funny anymore. I have had you for YEARS now. Your first owner, Funmie gave you to me several years ago, and you were exactly this size when she gave you to me. The only difference between then and now is that you have collected dust and<a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/dear-massage-oil.html\" rel=\"nofollow\">Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[],"tags":[82,6,203,204,199],"class_list":["post-359","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","tag-funmi","tag-funny","tag-k-y","tag-massage-oil","tag-nwoke-ocha","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - 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