{"id":343,"date":"2009-07-17T04:13:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-17T04:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com.s96953.gridserver.com\/site\/?p=343"},"modified":"2009-07-17T04:13:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-17T04:13:00","slug":"they-tried-to-get-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/they-tried-to-get-me.html","title":{"rendered":"They Tried To Get Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Yesterday, I was talking to mom on the phone, and she told me that there was a package waiting for me. I told her to just leave it in my room. I was sure it was the card I ordered from Shutterfly. Anyway I came home expecting to find an envelop, but found a big box instead. Imagine my shock! I was thinking, “Chineke God! Shutterfly has screwed up and sent me a thousand cards instead of one. Major overdraft fees are coming my way…”<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/div>\n

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But the box wasn’t from Shutterfly. In fact, the instructions on the box were perplexing, funny, and intriguing all at once. Close and lock door ke? Hide behind huge furniture? Quietly open box? This thing better not be a bomb ooo! They want me to lock the door so that no one will find my remains abi? They have failed!!! I will open this box in the public of igwe mmadu.<\/div>\n
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Contents may disappear immediately???????? To where? Why will they disappear? Oh, I see. These people have sent me juju. Why else will it disappear? And the box even says it’s perishable. Aha… the juju has expiration date. My enemies. They have failed!! They will never get me. As soon as I open the box, I will seize whatever is inside and stop is from disappearing.<\/div>\n
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Hmmm! These people are funny ooo! See how they wrapped the juju bomb in a nice box. They even had the audacity to call it “the unforgettable gift.”<\/i><\/b> You don’t say?!?!?! You people want to bomb me with this finely-wrapped juju. But today is not your day. I have caught up to you.<\/div>\n
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Aaaahhhhh!!! Chocolate-covered strawberries???????? Oh, my!! I have never seen juju bombs that look so beautiful…. so attractive…. so harmless…. and oh, so darn edible! These chocolate-covered strawberries have to be my friends. They must like me. Nothing this beautiful is harmful.<\/div>\n
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My people, don’t blame me oh. I have never received this kind of posh gift before. 12 whole strawberries coated in what looks like only the finest chocolate, all for me??? I have done nothing to deserve this. Really, I haven’t. Like I said, I am not used to receiving stuff like this. So yes, I was pleasantly surprised. Thank God it wasn’t juju bomb as I thought.<\/div>\n
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Bet you wanna know where they came from, huh? Our very own blogger, Sweet Nothin<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/b> sent them! Why? Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? She wants me. Well, she claims it’s because she couldn’t make it to be my co-host on Saturday as planned. She was supposed to be cohosting with me for the Second Time Around show talking about dating exes<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/b>, but her dad wasn’t feeling fine. My people, how was that her fault? So you see why I have concluded that she just wants me?<\/div>\n
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I have learnt one thing from this experience: Funmi, Busola, Uju, Dee, and all of you do NOT appreciate me enough. When was the last time you sent me chocolate-covered strawberries? A change has come, my people. From now on, I demand a box of chocolate-covered strawberries everyday of my life. Sure, I might not be able to fit into my clothes after one week, but at least, I’ll have my yummy chocolate-covered strawberries. There is only one regret from this chocolate-covered strawberries: Sweet Nothin is not<\/b> a dude. <\/i>Oh, the possibilities! She has stolen my heart ooo.<\/div>\n
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Oh, ye chocolate-covered strawberries…. HOW I LOVE THEE.<\/div>\n
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P.S.<\/b> Verastically Speakin Talk Radio<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/b> will be airing again this Saturday @ 10:00 AM Est (3:00 PM Naija time). We’ll be talking about how important the size of engagement rings are<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/b>. I will be co-hosting with Ezenwanyi. Yes, she’s Igbo. Yes, I’m Igbo too. Yes, you might walk away from the show thinking, “All these Igbo girls are nothing but a bunch of gold-diggers…” but hey… do tune in! The left sidebar has the schedule of all upcoming talk shows. Please send me e-mails if you have any contributions. radio@verastic.com. Thank you, darlings!<\/div>\n
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P.P.S.<\/b> Joe from Montana, eye opener and truth sayer, thank you soooo much for calling in on Saturday. If you read this post, please e-mail me!! \ud83d\ude42 radio@verastic.com<\/div>\n
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