{"id":312,"date":"2009-04-13T04:38:00","date_gmt":"2009-04-13T04:38:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com.s96953.gridserver.com\/site\/?p=312"},"modified":"2009-04-13T04:38:00","modified_gmt":"2009-04-13T04:38:00","slug":"unlawful-prisoning-of-condoms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/unlawful-prisoning-of-condoms.html","title":{"rendered":"Unlawful Prisoning of Condoms"},"content":{"rendered":"
Dear readers, how was your Easter? \u00a0Hope good. \u00a0If so, to God be the glory. \u00a0The main aim of writing this post… Oh, the good ol’ letter-writing days in secondary school!<\/div>\n
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Soooo… I was jejely (innocently minding my business) walking past the condom aisle in Giant Food Store when I spotted the unimaginable. \u00a0I had to go back and take a second look. \u00a0Yeap, Giant locked each box of condoms in a plastic, indestructible box. \u00a0(Okay, maybe it was destructible, but still…) \u00a0Imagine that!<\/div>\n
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Look @ this; they are all in prison. \u00a0This is no way to live. \u00a0This is America. \u00a0Where is the freedom???<\/span><\/div>\n
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At least, there were specific instructions on how to bail them…<\/span><\/div>\n

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I was an innocent passerby; no, I was not shopping for condoms, only to realize they were prisoned – obviously against their will. \u00a0I was actually in the store to buy my favorite yogurt (La Creme – strawberry flava. \u00a0Used to be Vanilla until March of this year, but anyway…)<\/span>. \u00a0I was walking past the condom aisle – more like it was adjacent to the middle aisle – not that I walked right in front of it. \u00a0Okay, why am I taking all this time to explain that I was not condom-shopping? \u00a0I’m starting to sound guilty, and I’m innocent, darn it! \u00a0Stop looking @ me like that.<\/div>\n
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So I cannot understand why the Giant people have the condoms locked in boxes. \u00a0Have people been stealing condoms, or do the Giant people just want to see the embarrassed looks on people’s faces when they take one big box to the cashier to bail a box of condoms out? \u00a0Unless, of course, people are no longer embarrassed to buy condoms. \u00a0When I worked for mom’s pharmacy in Naija (about 10 years ago), people would muffle their words when they asked for condoms.<\/div>\n
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Imagine if you were going to see your husband in Naija or something, and you’ll be staying there for a month. \u00a0Exactly how many of these boxes are you expected to take up to the cashier? \u00a0Speaking of which, I wonder if condoms are sold wholesale. \u00a0And now that I think of it, I don’t recall ever seeing a “Buy 10, get 10 free”<\/span> sale for condoms. \u00a0How come?? \u00a0Don’t the condom people want users of condoms to be safe? \u00a0Anyway, if you were a man buying condoms wholesale (maybe like 300 of them at once) and the cashier were to be a Nigerian male, he’d probably say something along the line of, “Nawa oo! \u00a0Oh boy, na how many congo you wan shine dis weekend? \u00a0Abi na blom-blom (balloons) you wan blow dey give pikin?”<\/span><\/span> \u00a0I’d like to see a mother’s reaction when she finds her child\/children blowing condoms. \u00a0That should be interesting<\/span>.<\/div>\n
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So back to Giant… If people have been stealing condoms, I’d expect the Giant people to be happy. \u00a0At least, that means they’re practicing safe sex. \u00a0This reminds me of when the Lifestyles \u00a0people (a brand of condoms) came to my school and distributed all manners of condoms. \u00a0That was when I knew that condoms were flavored. \u00a0What the hell for?? \u00a0Do people lick them? \u00a0Condoms even glow in the dark. \u00a0Again, I ask… what the hell for? \u00a0Maybe in case NEPA takes light and you need help finding “it?” \u00a0It wouldn’t be hard<\/span>; you’ll just need to follow the glow. \u00a0Or maybe if you need a hard<\/span> glow torch? \u00a0I don’t know. \u00a0\u00a0<\/div>\n
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Anyway, LifeStyles distributed all manners of condoms and stickers to us. \u00a0I had all my condoms in a bag which I just dumped in my room. \u00a0Then one day… mom found it! \u00a0She almost passed out. \u00a0This was one instance where the line, “It’s not what it looks like; I can explain”<\/span><\/span> came in handy….and was even true. \u00a0I was s<\/span>o\u00a0<\/span>na\u00efve,\u00a0<\/span>I tell <\/span><\/span>you. \u00a0I had a Lifestyles sticker that said, “Just wear it” and I never knew it was referring to condoms. \u00a0I proudly stuck that sticker on my bookshelf. \u00a0It was several years later that I realized that the picture in the sticker was a penis. \u00a0If I had known then what I know now, this sticker would be nowhere near my bookshelf! \u00a0Which kin yeye message am I tryna send…? \u00a0And to think that I have so many Christian books in this bookshelf sef. \u00a0What can I say? \u00a0I’ve had my moments.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
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Yeap… definitely a penis.<\/span><\/div>\n

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…And yes, I realize there is no such word as “prisoning.”<\/span> \u00a0I just like the sound of it. \u00a0Sue me.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear readers, how was your Easter? \u00a0Hope good. \u00a0If so, to God be the glory. \u00a0The main aim of writing this post… Oh, the good ol’ letter-writing days in secondary school! Soooo… I was jejely (innocently minding my business) walking past the condom aisle in Giant Food Store when I spotted the unimaginable. \u00a0I hadRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[],"tags":[169,6],"class_list":["post-312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","tag-condoms","tag-funny","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nUnlawful Prisoning of Condoms - 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