{"id":276,"date":"2008-12-14T06:45:00","date_gmt":"2008-12-14T06:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com.s96953.gridserver.com\/site\/?p=276"},"modified":"2008-12-14T06:45:00","modified_gmt":"2008-12-14T06:45:00","slug":"the-milky-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/the-milky-one.html","title":{"rendered":"The Milky One"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have always loved milk. For as long as I can remember, I have been a fan of tasty<\/em> milk. Please note that I said ‘tasty.’<\/em><\/strong> That means I was not a fan of soy milk or whatever other questionable milk they sold and still sell in stores.<\/p>\n

I don’t know what tasted better between fura de nono and peak milk. I know which one my mother was not in favor of: fura de nono<\/em>. She gave me a list of diseases that I was sure to suffer if I kept on drinking fura de nono, but as a true daughter of my father (the man who sucked his own mother’s breast until she died…@ about age 70), I could not be warned. As far as I was concerned, mom could have as well been talking to a rock because nothing she said could keep me away from my fura de nono!<\/p>\n

Now that I am in the US of A, there is obviously no way for me to get fura de nono – unless I suck directly from a heifer. I love milk oh, but not enough to call a heifer my mother and suck its breast. Tufia kwa! That is an abominable act. Instead, I have channeled all my frustration to the next best thing: peak milk<\/em>.<\/p>\n

In case you’re wondering why I think peak milk is the best, well, it’s because it was, and still is – in my opinion anyway. The other milks like Nido, Coast, and especially Cowbell were no match for Peak. Speaking of cowbell, I suddenly remember my broke days in high school when the N10 satchet of cowbell milk was a gift of love to me. But I digress…<\/p>\n

Back to the peak milk. I used to love all forms of peak milk when I was in Naija – powdered, evaporated, and condensed. I still love all forms, but I mostly use the powdered one. I am a cereal junkie, so sometimes, I have cereal (cold cereal, oat meal, etc… and let’s not forget garri coz it counts as cereal too) for dinner. Of course, you know I love custard<\/span><\/a><\/strong>. I’m sure you remember my love affair with it<\/span><\/strong><\/a>. No matter what I choose to have, I obviously have to adorn it with peak milk…or else, it just isn’t the same.<\/p>\n

Therein lies the problem! When I wake up in the morning, I look like I’m six months pregnant, and I know it’s an unnatural stomach. My stomach is not flat but I gauge it at night before going to bed. Then throughout the day, I release silent killers aka tear gas aka gases of mass destruction, better known as stinky farts everywhere I go. This isn’t rocket science. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the culprit behind my plight: peak milk!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sometimes, the farting occurs at night. Those are the worst. Oh, the horror! Sometimes, they’re so loud and have so much base that I jump up from bed and shout, ‘Jesus!’<\/strong><\/em> or ‘Blood of Jesus!’<\/em><\/strong> But after I get a whiff of the not-so-pleasant smell, I realize that the only thing I have to fear is well – myself. When one starts getting woken up by the thunderous sound of his or her own fart, then nsobu di kwa (there is trouble o).<\/p>\n

So how do I fix this apparent lactose intolerance? I am not ready to give up peak milk o. And neither am I willing to attend a 12-step program called Peak Milk Addicts Anonymous<\/strong>. But I have to fix this. What will happen when I get married? I don’t want my husband going to bed in the night with a flat tummy and waking up with a tummy that has risen like agege bread because he has inhaled all my you-know-what. Something tells me my in-laws will not appreciate it either. But then again, I guess he’ll like the smell. It should be part of him since we’ll be one, right?<\/p>\n

Oh, God. I cannot wait for this husband of mine. There is soooooooooo much we have to explore! So many experiments to perform. So many questions to ask…and answer.<\/p>\n

First question: what happens to hubby’s tummy in the morning if he spends all night inhaling wifey’s gaseous waste?<\/p>\n

p.s. I already drink Lactaid<\/span><\/strong><\/a>,<\/span><\/strong> but I can only use it for cold cereal (excluding garri).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have always loved milk. For as long as I can remember, I have been a fan of tasty milk. Please note that I said ‘tasty.’ That means I was not a fan of soy milk or whatever other questionable milk they sold and still sell in stores. I don’t know what tasted better betweenRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[],"tags":[140,141,142],"class_list":["post-276","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","tag-farting","tag-milk","tag-peak-milk","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Milky One - Verastic<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/the-milky-one.html\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Vera Ezimora\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/the-milky-one.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/the-milky-one.html\",\"name\":\"The Milky One - Verastic\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2008-12-14T06:45:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#\/schema\/person\/2c1b7969fbea03a45b97d54a5228cc1a\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/the-milky-one.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/the-milky-one.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/the-milky-one.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"The Milky One\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/\",\"name\":\"Verastic\",\"description\":\"Recklessly authentic.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#\/schema\/person\/2c1b7969fbea03a45b97d54a5228cc1a\",\"name\":\"Vera Ezimora\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f6c1e19c23a08351aab97f35d3ca650f0b87e7e96937f85baf0faf6e0834bc51?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/f6c1e19c23a08351aab97f35d3ca650f0b87e7e96937f85baf0faf6e0834bc51?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Vera Ezimora\"},\"description\":\"I mean, I'm a lot of things - a Writer, Blogger, Speaker, Vlogger, Content Creator, Storyteller, Truth-Sayer, Milk-Lover, Yogurt-Addict, Entrepreneur, Daughter, Wife, Mom, & Nwa Jesu. 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