Friday, April 18th was Uju\u2019s birthday. Her boyfriend got us VIP passes at Heritage Lounge in D.C. I went there with my buddy. Funmi went with Ibukun. Wait, lemme talk about my buddy for a second.<\/p>\n
I was gonna call him Mr. Perfect Teeth because he has perfect teeth. I kid you not. He has the kind of teeth you would use in a commercial for braces. His teeth would represent the \u2018after\u2019 shot(s). His teeth will show you how good your teeth could look after using braces. The lucky guy never even wore braces! But then I decided not to call him Mr. Perfect Teeth because he is also a fine boy, so maybe I should call him Mr. Fine Boy. However, I could call him Mr. Gorgeous Smile because his smile is gorgeous. He has that Colgate smile. You know the one I\u2019m talking about. I\u2019m talking about that kind of smile that makes you smile when nothing is funny. You just smile because you see a smile. I could also call him Mr. Generous. Giving seems to come very easily for him. And he always does it with a smile on his face. What about Mr. Well Groomed? His hair is cut low and very neat. He has just the right amount of facial hair. Enough hair to tickle you, but not enough to prick you like little needles \u2013 not that I have experienced it. *coughs*<\/p>\n
I can actually call him Mr. Bangin Body. Yeah, he\u2019s got a beautiful body. His muscles are not over the top; they\u2019re just perfect. His arms tell you he spends some time lifting things (or people), and the six quadrants on his stomach tell a story of their own. And he\u2019s also Mr. Thoughtful. He wants what he wants, but he is not selfish. He likes what he likes, but he\u2019ll gladly do what you like \u2013 even though he doesn\u2019t like it. He\u2019s Mr. Sexy. A good-smelling man is a wonderful man. A man who looks as good as he smells is a WONDERFULER<\/em> man. He is Mr. Good Dresser. He always dresses the part; you don\u2019t have to worry about him showing up wearing the wrong thing at the wrong time.<\/p>\n After considering the different names my buddy could bear, I finally decided on one name: Mr. Total Package.<\/u><\/span><\/strong> I need not explain this one. He\u2019s got the total package.<\/p>\n \u2026But uhm, this post is about Uju *rolling eyes*. Anyway, the event @ Heritage Lounge was being hosted by a Ghanaian. That has to be the only logical explanation for why they played Ghanaian music all thru. No Yahoozee, no P-Square, no Timaya. I vexed oo. (Actually, they played \u2018Yahoozee\u2019 & \u2018Do Me\u2019 once, but that was b4 we came in, so that doesn\u2019t count!) <\/em>They coulda @ least played some Makosa. To top it off, they now had a Ghanaian celebrity. We (the Naija people) had no clue who he was, but as we later found out, he was a rapper. See the way chics were running to take pictures with the dude ehn? Nawa o. Celebrity status no bad @ all sha.<\/p>\n Uju was drunk, or maybe just tipsy. Whatever it was, I know she was not herself. She was dancing with her eyes closed and laughing unnecessarily. Unfortunately, we didn\u2019t take pictures. I had my camera, but everyone (except me) was too busy being naughty. When Mr. Total Package asked me what I wanted to drink, I ordered a Bone Crusher (Maybe it\u2019s spelt \u2018Krusher\u2019). I had never heard about this drink before. I only ordered it because Uju said I should. The thing tasted like pure alcohol. I might have as well been sipping from a bottle of rubbing alcohol. I only drank about a quarter of it. Uju drank the rest (in addition to the one she had before). The chic was very happy ooo..<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t a bad event anyway. I\u2019m hoping I don\u2019t appear in anyone\u2019s pictures coz you know I\u2019m an anonymous writer, lol. After the event, Uju left with her boyfriend. Can you believe the chic put her head out of the window of the moving car and was screaming her lungs out at three in the morning? I don\u2019t know bout you, but that definitely spells DRUNK to me. Kai, I wish I had taken pictures. Funmi & Ibukun went their way. Mr. Total Package and I went our way \u2013 to wherever hot men and anonymous writers go to.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t sleep till past 8 in the morning. You shoulda seen my face. I looked like I had been hit by a bus. A puffy face is definitely not my best look.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"