{"id":228,"date":"2008-04-08T03:52:00","date_gmt":"2008-04-08T03:52:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com.s96953.gridserver.com\/site\/?p=228"},"modified":"2008-04-08T03:52:00","modified_gmt":"2008-04-08T03:52:00","slug":"i-met-mr-kisser","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/i-met-mr-kisser.html","title":{"rendered":"I Met Mr. Kisser"},"content":{"rendered":"
Who is Mr. Kisser? Read and learn.<\/p>\n

On Saturday, I attended a Gala\/Fund Raiser hosted by the Unique Ladies of Anambra State. My mother told me about the event two months ago and told me about my mandatory attendance because she had already paid the $75 ticket fee for me, which of course was non refundable. Why did she go and pay for me? She knew that was the only way to guilt me into attending it, and she refused to let me pay for it too. I didn\u2019t want to go. I figured it would be one of those overpriced parties where one of two things will happen:<\/p>\n

(1) It would be a tiny hall made for 200 people, but will be filled with 500 sweating Igbo people.
(2) It would be a huge fall for 500 people, but will contain thirty overdressed, over made-up women and 5 alleged husbands who will be openly having adultery of the mind.<\/div>\n

But to my pleasant surprise, none of the above happened. The party took place at Martins Crosswinds, an upscale banquet hall located in Greenbelt, Maryland \u2013 about an hour away from me. The decoration was perfect; the spacing was perfect too. I mean, there was actually space to dance, and while dancing, nobody\u2019s sweat was rubbing off of me. Great! <\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
The Unique Women are beautiful and classy \u2013 no lies. If I were in their age group, I wouldn\u2019t mind joining them. When the fundraising began, I was impressed. People gave in thousands\u2026and in cash ooo! One man donated $4000. Donating $4000 in this time of austerity no dey easy o. Hmmm, I want to be like him when I grow up lol. Some of the Unique Women and guests had some funny afa otutus (nicknames) like \u2018seven footer nwanyi\u2019 (seven feet tall woman) lol, \u2018unique sunshine\u2019, and \u2018Marilyn Monroe\u2019. Needless to say, Marilyn Monroe was neither White nor blonde. <\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
Fast forward to me taking random pictures of random people. I\u2019m fond of taking pictures of people 4 the heck of it. Sooo, Mr. Kisser happened to appear in two of my pictures. He approached me and asked who I work for. I told him I do not work for anyone. I guess my big camera was sending the wrong message. LOL. But anyways, he asked how he would get his pictures. I told him I could email the pics to him, so I gave him a piece of paper to write down his email address where he conveniently included his number. <\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
He later pulled me aside to talk to me. You know the regular questions. What\u2019s your name? What do you do for a living? Where do you live? Yadda, yadda, yadda. He lives in Greenbelt. I live in Baltimore. About an hour difference. He asked for my number. I gave it. We parted ways and I went back into the hall to sit down and do some people-watching. The DJ put Shina Peters\u2019s Afro Juju, which I love! But I had no intention of getting up to dance. My friends were not there to go crazy with me.<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
Next thing I knew, Mr Kisser pulled me up. He danced pretty well sha, but you know I had to hold my own. So I started going down too, showing off and everything, but mehn\u2026 my feet were killing me. I was standing there on stilettos that I had been wearing for hours and it wasn\u2019t easy, but I refused to back down.<\/p>\n

So I went down\u2026. oh God\u2026 my feet.
<\/em>I went down again\u2026 oh God\u2026 my thighs<\/em>
Oh\u2026 God\u2026. My knees.<\/em><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

I tell you, every time I came up, I felt woozy. It was as if I was about to have a brain fag. I was just too tired jare. I had hardly had any sleep, and I had spent the whole day at the library. Why didn\u2019t I just back down? I suffered through the pain, smiled a fake smile and let myself be the object of attention. If only they knew what I was going through. Just when I thought the music was ending, the DJ had to replace the song with Yinka Ayefele\u2026another man I love. Oh DJ, but why now?! <\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
Fast forward to the end of the party. It was raining, so I volunteered to go in the rain and bring the car around for my mom & grand mom. Mr. Kisser was nice enough to walk me to the car, and that was when it happened. As I was about to enter the car, Mr. Kisser reached in for what I thought was a hug, but next thing, I saw a pair of lips rapidly approaching mine. Ah ah! Mr. Kisser, haba! My autonomic response kicked in with immediate alacrity, and I had to either fight or flight. Seeing as I was standing on stilettos, fighting was a lot easier. So fight I did. I had to push him off. He asked, \u201cWhy? Is it because you don\u2019t know me well?\u201d<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
Errr, duh!!<\/em><\/p>\n

Haba! Na so dem dey get babe for your village? So just because we exchanged some little information, we should start swapping spit abi? I don\u2019t even know what kinda particles are brewing in his spit. Abeg, Mr. Kisser\u2026carry go. That is an abormination in my land ooo. Tufia kwa! My people, no be say I dey fear oh, but I used speed to enter the car and drive off.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not gonna send him his pictures yet. Why? I told him my real name, and if I send the pictures, my name will appear. I wouldn\u2019t want him to get bored and google me and lo and behold, this website will pop up. He called me today. Red flags were flying everywhere. For starters, he was at a noisy place with his friends, and his attention was divided. That\u2019s a big, fat X. He complimented my ebony skin. The problem is that I\u2019m not ebony; I\u2019m light skinned. That\u2019s another big, fat X. He told me I\u2019m beautiful. I said thanks about twice or thrice. He said, \u201cThat was a compliment; you didn\u2019t say thanks.\u201d Uh oh. Another X. I might be wrong, but Mr. Kisser strikes me as one who will demand that I walk around with a t-shirt that says, \u2018Mr. Kisser is Lord\u2019. <\/p><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\"\"<\/a>Meanwhile, my strapless bra gave me this yeye burn or whatever you’ll call it. I tried several times to take a picture of it with my Nikon camera, but my breast refused to stop appearing in the picture, so I had to use the camera of my phone. The Nikon kept auto focusing on my breast. Naughty, naughty camera!! I scrolled in as much as I could with my camera phone and stood in front of the mirror to get the shot. You see what women have 2 suffer? Hmmm, and to think I once used to be flat chested.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Finally, if you care to see a few pictures from the Unique Women’s Gala, check out http:\/\/verastic.shutterfly.com<\/a> <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Who is Mr. Kisser? Read and learn. On Saturday, I attended a Gala\/Fund Raiser hosted by the Unique Ladies of Anambra State. My mother told me about the event two months ago and told me about my mandatory attendance because she had already paid the $75 ticket fee for me, which of course was nonRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[],"tags":[6,84,85],"class_list":["post-228","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","tag-funny","tag-mr-kisser","tag-unique-women","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nI Met Mr. Kisser - 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