{"id":225,"date":"2008-03-23T06:11:00","date_gmt":"2008-03-23T06:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com.s96953.gridserver.com\/site\/?p=225"},"modified":"2008-03-23T06:11:00","modified_gmt":"2008-03-23T06:11:00","slug":"the-silly-things-we-do-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/the-silly-things-we-do-4.html","title":{"rendered":"The Silly Things We Do (4)"},"content":{"rendered":"

First of all, Happy Easter!! May today be the beginning of better things in my —I mean your life. Amen. [The ‘Amen’ was actually for my life not yours, but anyway…]<\/em><\/p>\n

This is my 4th post on the silly things we do. Somehow, I have consistently been able to find myself in funny situations. Or maybe I just find too many things funny and laugh too much.<\/p>\n

Anyway, this happened on Friday, March 21st 2008 (yes, just two days ago). I had to take my car for emissions test, and I did not know the place. I received the letter ever since, but I had just been too lazy to go. According to the letter, the best time for me to go would be in the morning, and I am one who likes waking up early. I do not want to do anything that will make me wake up earlier than I already do (10:00 AM). Before you brand me as a \u2018sleeper\u2019, keep in mind that I keep late nights; I usually go to bed at about three, four, or five in the morning. So you see, I am more of a night person. I\u2019d rather stay up late than wake up early.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I finally decided to do the emissions thing on Friday \u2013 not because I was looking forward to it, but because I wanted to get it over with before the due date, and besides, the letter they sent me said Thursday and Friday are the least busy days. I printed directions off Mapquest since my car is not yet equipped with GPS (*hint, hint* for my birthday gift next year, although I\u2019d still prefer the Range Rover, but I digress\u2026lol). <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>
I should have jejely followed Mapquest oh, but my mom had to come and tell me otherwise. \u201cWhy are you following Mapquest?\u201d She asked me. \u201cDon\u2019t you know they give you long routes?\u201d She was right sha; MapQuest does give longer than necessary routes. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, I\u2019ll give you the directions.\u201d She assured me.<\/p>\n

I was ready to leave, and these were my mother\u2019s directions:
Mom: Once you go on Pulaski Highway ehn, just go straightttttttt! When you pass that junction where I buy newspaper for a dollar, you will pass a gas station by your left. Don\u2019t stop there oo! You will go to the next gas station and make a left there. Once you make that left ehn, you will see that small fly over where two cars cannot pass by each other at the same time.<\/p>\n

Me: Huh? (a little confused)
<\/em>
Mom: You know that small fly over where there is a traffic light and you have to stop for the incoming car to pass now! Don\u2019t you remember? (Sounding irritated like she cannot believe I don\u2019t understand her \u2018simple\u2019 directions)<\/em><\/p>\n

Me: (scratching head and \u2018vaguely\u2019 remembering the \u2018fly over\u2019)<\/em>: Okay, ehen continue.<\/p>\n

Mom: Ehen, once you pass that fly over ehn, just stay by your left hand side. The people that are going towards East Point Mall will stay by their right. Oh, no, no, no, wait, I made a mistake. Once you pass under the fly over ehn, stay by your right, and the people going to East Point Mall will go left. On that right side of the road, just go straighttttttt. Then you will see the Emissions place by your right.<\/p>\n

Me: (puzzled)<\/em> But how will I know when I\u2019ve gotten to the Emissions place?<\/p>\n

Mom: You will see a building where people are driving in and driving out.<\/p>\n

Me: (satisfied)<\/em> Okay.<\/p>\n

Did anyone notice that my mother\u2019s directions did not include any street names? The landmarks sef were not concrete enough. All I had to go by were nameless gas stations, the junction where she buys newspaper for $1, the fly over where two cars cannot pass at the same time, and the building where cars are driving in and out of. LOL.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know which kin nonsense trip I embarked on. I live in Baltimore county, and the emissions place is at Baltimore City. I do NOT know my way around Baltimore City, especially the part close to downtown. My people, na so I wan lost for inside Baltimore City oo. I should have known my mother\u2019s directions had K-leg the moment she could not remember which side of the road I was supposed to be on. The Emissions place is located on Erdman Road. Erdman is a very busy street, full of buildings where cars drive in and out of.<\/p>\n

That was how I drove aimlessly, blocking the road, suddenly switching lanes, and making abrupt stops and illegal U-turns. It did not help that Erdman Road has traffic lights like almost every other block. At one point, I stopped in the middle of an intersection because I did not notice there was a traffic light. In short, na by the Grace of Baba God I did not get a big, fat ticket ooo because those City cops can be cruel. I had to keep stopping and asking for directions. Somehow sha, I finally, finally found the building. And guess what? There were no cars driving in and out of the building. You know why? It was Friday \u2013 one of the least busy days. Lol.<\/p>\n

My baby (car) passed the emissions test sha, and after that, I jejely asked the lady for directions. All I had to make were three right turns. They were soooo flippin easy! And you know what? It was the same direction MapQuest gave me. Chei, this my mother sef. She\u2019s lucky I\u2019ve got nothing but love for her.<\/p>\n

Speaking of directions, I was watching a Naija comedy later on the same day. The name is Bone in the Throat \u2013 starring John Okafor (played the part of Ignatius, fondly called \u201cIginae\u201d or \u201cIG\u201d) and Uche Jumbo (played the part of Olamma).<\/p>\n

Anyway, Ignatius (John Okafor) spent 15 years in Panya (where the heck is Panya?)<\/span><\/em> and did not accomplish anything before coming back to the village where he became engaged to Ola (Uche Jumbo). Desperate for money, IG embarked on a trip to Asaba in search of a woman known as \u2018Nwanyi Asaba\u2019 (means \u2018Asaba Woman\u2019). The myth was that all you had to do was suck Nwanyi Asaba\u2019s breast to become rich. So off he went with two of his stupid friends. He grabbed every big-breasted girl he saw and tried to suck her breast by force. Needless to say, no one ever told him that Nwanyi Asaba had big breasts o; he just assumed she did (I guess after so much sucking, the breast had to be of considerable size, huh?)<\/span><\/em>. His friends got tired of chasing a waterfall and went back to the village. When IG\u2019s fianc\u00e9e, Olamma (Uche Jumbo) questioned the whereabouts of IG, his friend, Okey, gave her the following directions:<\/p>\n

\u201cOnce you enter Asaba kpaaaaaa! (kpaaaa is the sound you hear once you enter Asaba, lol).<\/em> <\/span>Just go straiggggggghhhhhhhhttttttttttt (this sounds too much like my mother\u2019s direction. Is this d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu?)<\/span><\/em> Then you go right. Then you go small and go left as if you want to go\u2026.no, no, no, this direction will confuse you (you think?!)<\/span><\/em>. I\u2019ll you another direction. Once you enter Asaba and pass the main bridge that says \u2018Welcome to Asaba\u2019 any girl you see with jumbo sized breast, approach her; one way or another, she might have encountered IG.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2026lol. So much for giving her a better direction. [I actually had to rewind the movie to write the directions down, so I can blog about it]
<\/span><\/em>
Needless to say, IG never did find Nwanyi Asaba. However, he constantly dreamt of being rich and his afa otutu (nickname) was Chief Chop Money. LOL. Question: since \u2018Nwanyi Asaba\u2019 means \u2018Asaba Woman,\u2019 doesn\u2019t that mean that every woman in Asaba is \u201cNwanyi Asaba?\u201d Finding Nwanyi Asaba in Asaba has to be like finding a needle in a haystack.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>My friends (better known as the \u2018Inter-Galactic Force\u2019 ever since I wrote that article<\/span><\/a><\/strong> about them) and I had a gal\u2019s nite out last night. It was a romantic date with them, although none of them brought me a dozen roses as I requested. Better luck next time, I guess. The picture by the left is Funmi. She took it herself because according to her, she was “smoking!!” Now, you see why I believe my friends are abnormal.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>First, we went bowling. Before we went, Uju could not stop making noise about how good she was. We played three rounds. Timbo & Ibukun did not play. Funmi came first in the first round. I came first the second and third round. Uju did not come first at all. In her defense, she just didn\u2019t want to show all the men at the bowling alley her skills coz she didn\u2019t want them to think she was a superwoman. And she did not want to be recruited as a pro either. Yea, Uju! <\/em>The picture shows the scoreboard at the end. I had 102 points; Uju had 91, and Funmi had 68. You can click on the picture to see it better, and uhm, I’m currently signing autographs.<\/p>\n

<\/em>
After the bowling, we went to see Tyler Perry’s new movie: Meet The Browns. Lastly, we had dinner at TGIF where I could not stop laughing my head off at the silly things were saying. You know what happens when you have five ladies, food, and alcohol??? Whew!<\/p>\n

There are more pictures of our night out. View them at http:\/\/verastic.shutterfly.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n

Need some laughs? Read:<\/p>\n

The Silly Things We Do (1) HERE<\/a><\/strong>
The Silly Things We Do (2) HERE<\/span><\/a><\/strong>
The Silly Things We Do (3) HERE<\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Once again, Happy Easter!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

First of all, Happy Easter!! May today be the beginning of better things in my —I mean your life. Amen. [The ‘Amen’ was actually for my life not yours, but anyway…] This is my 4th post on the silly things we do. Somehow, I have consistently been able to find myself in funny situations. OrRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[],"tags":[69,6,71,5,70,4],"class_list":["post-225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","tag-friends","tag-funny","tag-inter-galactic-force","tag-mom","tag-nigerian-movies","tag-silly-things","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Silly Things We Do (4) - 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