{"id":15068,"date":"2020-03-26T07:09:00","date_gmt":"2020-03-26T11:09:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com\/?p=15068"},"modified":"2020-03-25T23:16:01","modified_gmt":"2020-03-26T03:16:01","slug":"how-one-sweet-potato-finished-me-because-of-my-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/personal\/how-one-sweet-potato-finished-me-because-of-my-marriage.html","title":{"rendered":"How One Sweet Potato Finished Me Because of My Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Although I have always known it, Funmie also always confirms it. It’s the intelligence of my Sweet Potatoes. Una get sense die. And although I cannot prove it, I’d like to take credit for it. No, not taking credit for your intelligence, but taking credit for attracting intelligent readers. Whether you agree with me or not, I have taken this credit, and it helps me sleep better at night.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Image taken by Bashir. Find him onTwitter<\/strong><\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

So, when I shared my story about how my marriage ended<\/strong><\/a>, I got so many emails. I actually have not stopped receiving emails and direct messages. One of the emails came from “A Sweet Potato.” That’s what she literally called herself – A Sweet Potato – <\/em>although the name attached to her email address was different.<\/p>\n

She sent me an email that humbled me. She just finished me and did not leave any stone unturned. With her permission, I am sharing this finishing moment of my life. This email was in response to the email I sent out to the Swee Potato Insiders. I sent a condensed version of my divorce story to my Sweet Potato Insiders before I published the full story. I’ll always share big things with the insiders first, so, please, join us at the end of this post. <\/p>\n

Meanwhile, the unedited finish-me-kpata-kpata email is below. It was sent on January 4th 2020.<\/p>\n

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Vera! <\/em><\/div>\n
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I guess I am not shocked about the divorce. Figured out from your blog, but the why? Now, that’s shocking. But then again, for a Yoruba boy, not so shocking. They are Ijebu if I recall.<\/em><\/div>\n
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I remember when you would blog and vlog about the weird things your ex-mother in law did. For some reason, I worried about you and the exposure. To others it might have seemed it was all in good humour, but I worried about how him and his family might perceive it. That maybe you were mocking them, but I thought well since you blog about it he must be fine with him. It never sat well with me though, but then again, I am not much of a sharer. <\/em><\/div>\n
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I say this to people around me, it’s easier for a woman to marry up than for a man to marry up. A woman will do whatever she needs to do to fit in, but a man! That’s when his ego will set in and he will want to prove he is a proper village man. You used to hint that your ex was not on your level, exposure wise. It was not until you mentioned his mother could not speak English and I read about your childhood that I figured out why. Then I worried some more about you.  <\/em>

Sometimes we believe since we’re all educated and studying or living abroad, we are equals and background doesn’t matter. It does! Especially, for women. I have seen one too many female bloggers with their partners and thought nah, that’s an unequal pairing. I have been proven right on many occasions. <\/em><\/div>\n
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Going forward for you, if there’s one thing I want you to bear in mind, it is that class matters. By class, I don’t mean money or wealth, I mean exposure. By exposure, I don’t mean well travelled oh, I am talking about mindset. How they think. What they value. How they speak. How they carry themselves. The people they associate with. Their hobbies. Their attitude to issues. Are they conservative or liberal?<\/em><\/div>\n
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From what I gather having followed you for many years, you are well exposed. Liberalised and open-minded to an extent I believe. Remember that always. If you ever for a second, think you are in any way better than your partner, or that he is not the type you would usually date, think twice. That said, I know a lot of men at our level of exposure can be rather badly behaved, but it’s no excuse to date down. Never date beneath your social standing biko. <\/em><\/div>\n
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I am glad you came out of this whole and in one piece.<\/em><\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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Love always, <\/em>\n
Sweet potato<\/em><\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n
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Thoughts? And by the way, this was only part one of the finishing. There was part two which happened after she read the details of the marriage and could not believe all I endured in the name of marriage.<\/div>\n
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You’re probably curious about my response, and this is it below:<\/div>\n
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Sweet Potato,<\/em>\n
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You have just finished me in this your email oh. And I love you for it. You have said things that took me too long to figure out. I thought, I love him and he loves me, so that’s all that matters. In the future, I will write about the many lessons I learned from my marriage. Can I one day share your email on the blog and respond to everything you wrote? I won’t mention your name, of course. <\/em><\/div>\n
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Seriously, thank you so much for this. I’ll be telling more on the blog on Monday. <\/em>

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Yours truly,<\/em>


Vera Ezimora<\/em><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
 <\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
In my reply to her, I said I would address everything she wrote when I share her email on the blog, but I have changed my mind because in one way or another, I have mentioned (or I will mention) these things in my writings anyway. I will, however, still tell you the lessons I have learned, and I will also still tell you the mistakes I made in my marriage. I will share these in a future post. Yes, I know I owe you a lot of posts.<\/div>\n
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P.S.<\/strong> This Sweet Potato said she has been following me for years. I don’t know how to express my gratitude to those of you who have been following me for years.  Thank you.<\/div>\n
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P.P.S.<\/strong>  Have you listened to the latest episode of my podcast? It’s about how my intuition saved me from my marriage. It’s deep. And creepy. The episode is embedded below. Or you can search for I Am African Podcast on your favorite podcast player.<\/div>\n
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