{"id":1256,"date":"2011-06-27T22:06:28","date_gmt":"2011-06-28T03:06:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.verastic.com\/?p=1256"},"modified":"2012-10-18T02:29:53","modified_gmt":"2012-10-18T06:29:53","slug":"yup-i-peed-while-standing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/vl\/yup-i-peed-while-standing.html","title":{"rendered":"Yup. I Pee’d While Standing"},"content":{"rendered":"

I cannot count how many times I have heard a man refer to women as the specie that pees while sitting. I don’t take offense to this statement, but I do know that it is said to somehow imply that sitting (instead of standing) while peeing is just another way to show that women are the weaker sex. “Weaker,”<\/em> of course, is all relative. Weaker in what way? Physically? Emotionally? Financially? Spiritually? The more specific you get, the weaker this weaker<\/em> word becomes, too. Not only does weaker become weaker, but it also becomes less convincing when you think about the fact that some men do pee while sitting. They may be few and far between, but they still exist. And the most compelling argument would be that women do in fact stand while peeing (or pee while standing).<\/span><\/p>\n

Which one of you Nigerian-bred readers can affirm to having never seen a woman standing by a corner in the street, legs ajar, one had reaching inside the general vicinity of her vagina, and of course, the loud and forceful splatter of yellow liquid pouring out of her in a straight line? \u00a0In retrospect, I don’t know the sense in standing while peeing since the lower legs and ankles of the one peeing is often left with drops of pee and wet sand. What I do know is that I did it. But not outside. I did it standing over public toilets – over and over.<\/span><\/p>\n

Most times, public peeing is done while squatting – which nearly eliminates the chance of pee and sand on the ankles and lower legs. But whether you’re squatting or standing, two things are constant: it is done for convenience and efficiency. And ironic as it may sound, it is also done for the sake of hygiene. Try not to think too much of the splashing pee and consequent wet sand. Of course, the wet sand doesn’t apply when you pee on concrete.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just a few months ago, I was driving on the road with a bursting bladder. I tried – God knows I did – to at least get to the closest public restroom, like a McDonald-type place. They know me there already for always coming in to use their bathroom. But my bladder just wouldn’t budge. I couldn’t do anything to hold it off. Every attempt at holding it off only put more pressure on the already bursting bladder. So naturally, I did the only logical thing there was to do: \u00a0I looked for a dimly lit place, parked my car, got out from the passenger’s side, and \u00a0pssssssssss<\/em> … yup, I pee’d on the road. On an American road! I’m almost sure that it carries some jail time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Somewhere in the city of Baltimore, my DNA is splattered on the road in the form of liquid waste product. I think it’s an honor to Baltimore, to Maryland, and to America as a whole. Who wouldn’t want this DNA? It’s one of a kind! By the way, I should mention that I didn’t completely get out of the car to pee. Of course not! If I had done that, I might have been the next YouTube sensation, and not in the way I always imagined. I actually kind of sat at the edge of the passenger entrance. Yes, my va-jay-jay was completely open — and feeling very vulnerable too.<\/span><\/p>\n

But hey, I pee’d while standing. What’s your story?<\/span><\/p>\n

P.S. If the U.S. Government is reading this post, I just want to say that I plead the fifth to peeing on the road. Besides, you have no proof that I did it — not that I did. In the words of O.J. Simpson, “If I did it …”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I cannot count how many times I have heard a man refer to women as the specie that pees while sitting. I don’t take offense to this statement, but I do know that it is said to somehow imply that sitting (instead of standing) while peeing is just another way to show that women areRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[561,1],"tags":[6,56,364,161],"class_list":["post-1256","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-personal","category-vl","tag-funny","tag-men","tag-pee","tag-women","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nYup. 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