{"id":11579,"date":"2015-12-17T00:28:28","date_gmt":"2015-12-17T05:28:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com\/?p=11579"},"modified":"2015-12-17T00:28:28","modified_gmt":"2015-12-17T05:28:28","slug":"omg-my-mommy-said-sperm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/personal\/omg-my-mommy-said-sperm.html","title":{"rendered":"OMG. My Mommy Said Sperm"},"content":{"rendered":"

Laugh all you want, but I can explain. I was talking to my mommy the other day, and we were discussing my breast milk supply, specifically about how I have multiple bags of breast milk stored in the freezer because I’m producing more than she’s consuming. I also mentioned to my mom that I recently discovered you can sell or donate your breast milk. So I said to my mommy that I would welcome the idea of donating my breast milk eventually. Maybe not right this very moment since Ada Verastic\u00a0only 2 months and I don’t know how much she will be consuming soon. Anyway, that was how my mommy said, “Of course, people donate breast milk, just like they donate sperm.”<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Sperm-DP\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Awkward silence.<\/p>\n

I know you’re thinking kini big deal<\/em>, but I told you that I am my mommy’s only baby, and we have always had [still have] a relationship where she treats me like an innocent baby and I, too, continue to act like an innocent baby [not that I’m not, of course]. We do not talk about sex, and we do not say words like sperm.<\/p>\n

Do you know how I told my parents and family that I was pregnant? Well, I did not tell them. I refused to. How was I supposed to open my mouth and tell my parents that their baby is now pregnant? Hian! Sure, they know I’m married, and sure, they expect me to be getting busy [I think?], but until I became pregnant, there was no proof of any business on my part. Thanks to Verastic, all that has changed. Still, I don’t want my mommy to say sperm to me. It caught me off guard and I did not know how to respond.<\/p>\n

My mommy and I have such an interesting relationship that she still refuses to buy me candy because she does not want to “train” me up eating sweets. True story. And this happened just this year. 2015. So when my mommy said sperm, I curled up and decided to pretend not to have heard what she said, and that even if I did, I did not know what that word meant.<\/p>\n

People donate sperm? What??? What is sperm? What does it do?<\/em><\/p>\n

Why couldn’t she just have said blood? Why could she not have compared the donation of breast milk to the donation of blood? And the other day, I was also telling her our sleeping arrangements, about how Ada Verastic always wants to sleep with me and how Igwe has been kicked out of the bed. Then I caught myself and realized that I admitted to my mommy that a man sleeps in my bed.<\/p>\n

\"This<\/a>

This was me after sperm happened<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Laugh all you want, but I can explain. I was talking to my mommy the other day, and we were discussing my breast milk supply, specifically about how I have multiple bags of breast milk stored in the freezer because I’m producing more than she’s consuming. I also mentioned to my mom that I recentlyRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11584,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[561],"tags":[148,5,363],"class_list":["post-11579","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-personal","tag-breast-milk","tag-mom","tag-sperm","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nOMG. 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