{"id":10997,"date":"2015-07-30T02:49:36","date_gmt":"2015-07-30T06:49:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com\/?p=10997"},"modified":"2015-07-29T22:55:14","modified_gmt":"2015-07-30T02:55:14","slug":"let-me-tell-you-about-the-nigerian-girl-i-met-on-the-empty-chair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/let-me-tell-you-about-the-nigerian-girl-i-met-on-the-empty-chair.html","title":{"rendered":"Let Me Tell You About The Nigerian Girl I Met On The Empty Chair"},"content":{"rendered":"

Four days ago, NY Magazine published a post with a powerful\u00a0picture: a picture of 35 women, all Bill Cosby’s accusers and an empty chair<\/a><\/strong>. Depending on who is looking at it, the empty chair could mean so many things. It could stand for the woman who is afraid to speak — or the woman who cannot even speak — or the woman who is yet to come out with her story. Or something else.<\/p>\n

\"Image<\/a>

Image source: NY Magazine<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

First of all, I’m one of the people who was doubtful about the women who accused Bill Cosby of rape. I did not think he was incapable of doing it, but I just had a hard time understanding how such a popular man got away with raping so many women and especially doing it by giving them Quaalude. If you did not know what Quaalude was, now you do. After the deposition from years ago was released, I am left feeling disappointed that Bill Cosby did this. I admit that a part of me still wonders why on earth some of the women were handed pills and they took it. I wouldn’t take pills from people. Nope. You can read my Bill Cosby post here<\/a><\/strong>, but that’s not what this post is about.<\/p>\n

When I looked at the picture of the 35 women and the empty chair, I could not stop thinking about Cynthia, a Nigerian girl I know. We are not BFFs, but she is someone that I definitely know. One day, while we chatted about girly things like birth control and weight gain, Cynthia opened up to me in a way that I did not expect. She told me about how she started getting raped in Nigeria when she was 10 years old. It was the house boy. When she eventually moved to America, she faced a lot of difficulties and was practically homeless.<\/p>\n

She met a Nigerian man who told her that he knew someone – another Nigerian man- she could stay with, but that she would have to give him sex in return. She agreed because she had no money, knew no one, had no connections, and nowhere else to go. Some nights, the sex was consensual, but on other nights, she did not want to, but he had her way with her anyway. She screamed and pleaded, but he went on anyway. She said there were other people living in the house, but no one ever came to help her. This happened right here in America. In Maryland. In Baltimore. I won’t be surprised if he’s someone I know, even if just facially.<\/p>\n

I was so shocked by the story. I apologized profusely as if it was me who did the crime. I uttered a bunch of rubbish\u00a0that I don’t remember now, all in my attempt to encourage<\/em> her. She said she did not let it affect her, that she did not want to be a victim. But it did affect her. It altered the person she would have been – for better or worse, I do not know. I asked her why she didn’t tell someone<\/em>, and she said, “Who do you tell that kind of story to? Who would have believed me?”\u00a0<\/em>Besides, she needed him and he knew it.<\/p>\n

I feigned strength while I sat there with her, but as soon as I got home, I broke down in tears. I was angry that someone had to go through this and there was nothing I could do to help her. I could not undo what had been done to her. I could not make her forget. And why did God – the One who could have changed it – let this happen? I was really, really distraught. It’s different when you read a story or watch a movie or even have someone tell you about their experience from a distance. But sitting across the person in her living room, having shared laughs and drinks and personal stories and then to be told this, it’s crippling and confusing and angering all at once.<\/p>\n

So Cynthia is who I thought of when I saw the picture of the empty chair. She has not told her story. I don’t know if she will ever tell her story. Her rapists continue to live and walk the earth as if nothing happened. There are so many women like Cynthia, and to every woman who has been sexually molested, I am so very sorry. If there’s something I can do, please tell me. If you need an avenue to tell your story, please use me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help. If I had the power, I would do wicked things to people who do this to other people.<\/p>\n

This is not just a Nigerian or African or Black problem, I know that. I am only thinking specifically about my people right now because we have a culture of shaming women. We shame women for being raped. We shame women for being divorced. We shame women for being childless. We shame women for being single. We shame women for being cheated with and cheated on. We shame women for daring to have dreams. We shame women for having children and for choosing not to have children. We shame women for everything. Our culture is repressive to women, and for that I am so sorry.<\/p>\n

So, to Cynthia and every woman like her sitting on the empty chair, I am so sorry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Four days ago, NY Magazine published a post with a powerful\u00a0picture: a picture of 35 women, all Bill Cosby’s accusers and an empty chair. Depending on who is looking at it, the empty chair could mean so many things. It could stand for the woman who is afraid to speak — or the woman whoRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11000,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[561,560],"tags":[1143,1210,1209,439,1208],"class_list":["post-10997","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-personal","category-social","tag-bill-cosby","tag-let-me-tell-you","tag-nigerian-culture","tag-rape","tag-the-empty-chair","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nLet Me Tell You About The Nigerian Girl I Met On The Empty Chair - 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