{"id":1069,"date":"2011-03-29T13:34:19","date_gmt":"2011-03-29T18:34:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.verastic.com\/?p=1069"},"modified":"2011-03-29T13:34:19","modified_gmt":"2011-03-29T18:34:19","slug":"my-impending-wedding-and-the-meeting-before-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/vl\/my-impending-wedding-and-the-meeting-before-it.html","title":{"rendered":"My Impending Wedding … And The Meeting Before It"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was at Funmie’s house on Saturday to give her the pleasure of perming my hair. It had been almost six months since I last permed my hair. Now my hair is so thin and short, I can’t stop touching it. I feel like I can count all its strands. The last time I washed my hair, it was so tangled that while I combed it, I could literally feel the hair pulling off the follicles on my scalp. Never again will I put myself through that. But I digress.<\/p>\n

While I was at Funmie’s house, Ireti<\/a><\/strong> decided to make a list. By the way, I should clarify that Ireti is Funmie’s baby sister, not Funmie’s daughter as is widely speculated. Yes, they have the same father and mother. Yes, Funmie’s parents are baaaaadddd! \u00a0No, neither Funmie nor I witnessed the conception of Ireti<\/a><\/strong>. Uhm, eww. \u00a0I digress again.<\/p>\n

Ireti<\/a><\/strong> made a list containing eight little girls, herself included. This was a list of the flower girls for my wedding, which is scheduled to hold this weekend – Saturday, April 2nd 2011. \u00a0Today isn’t April 1st, so this obviously isn’t an April Fool’s post. However, Ireti knows many things that I don’t know:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. She knows that I’ll be getting married this weekend.<\/li>\n
  2. She probably knows who I’ll be married to.<\/li>\n
  3. She knows I want eight little girls as my flower girls<\/li>\n
  4. She knows the color(s) I want them to wear<\/li>\n
  5. And, she knows I want her and the seven little girls \u00a0– most of whom I don’t know – to be the eight little girls in my wedding.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    It is settled then. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Ireti<\/a><\/strong> went to church and called a meeting – yes, an actual meeting. She called it a meeting<\/em> – with the rest of the little girls. They wanted to talk extensively about the wedding. Unfortunately, one of the girls, Tola backed out of being in my wedding because she was not feeling fine. Ireti<\/a><\/strong>, as you can imagine, was not very pleased to hear this from Tola. \u00a0Saddened by Ireti’s frown, I suggested that we both engage in a two-day dry fast. We should be determined to do anything and everything to have Tola be a part of my wedding \u00a0– whoever Tola may be.<\/p>\n

    If you’re wondering why I did not tell you about my wedding, it’s because it comes as a surprise to me. I don’t know how Ireti<\/a><\/strong> got wind of this wedding that she’s planning ever so passionately. I have asked her several times who my husband is – just in case she really does know something that I don’t – but she has kept mute, only telling me what colors she and the other flower girls will wear and which little boys they will walk with. Oh, and of course, telling me in a matter-of-fact way that I will be responsible for buying her dress.<\/p>\n

    So, come Saturday April 2nd 2011, I will be happily wed to someone. Venue, time, and groom to be announced. \u00a0I hope the powers that be don’t schedule the wedding between 10am and 12pm U.S. Eastern Time because I will be hosting the Beaten But Never Broken<\/a><\/strong> show then (about domestic violence) with Miss Iyabo (a former victim of domestic violence). \u00a0I suppose it would be rude to host a show while I’m exchanging my vows with my husband, no?<\/p>\n

    The question now is, who is coming to my wedding? \ud83d\ude00<\/p>\n

    “From the lips of children and infants, You, Lord have called forth Your praise …”<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

    ~ Matthew 21:16<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I was at Funmie’s house on Saturday to give her the pleasure of perming my hair. It had been almost six months since I last permed my hair. Now my hair is so thin and short, I can’t stop touching it. I feel like I can count all its strands. The last time I washedRead More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"twitter_14738191_14738191":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[6,130,26],"class_list":["post-1069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-vl","tag-funny","tag-ireti","tag-wedding","entry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nMy Impending Wedding ... 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