{"id":10295,"date":"2015-01-12T06:19:24","date_gmt":"2015-01-12T11:19:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/verastic.com\/?p=10295"},"modified":"2015-01-12T00:34:42","modified_gmt":"2015-01-12T05:34:42","slug":"when-are-you-having-baby","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/verastic.com\/site\/social\/when-are-you-having-baby.html","title":{"rendered":"Vera, When Are You Having A Baby?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have been wanting to blog about this for a while, but I couldn’t blog about it because I hadn’t blogged about our marriage yet. Now that I have [see here<\/strong><\/a>], let me tell you the immense and incredible pressure that I and my womb have been under. Before I got married, the pressure was to be married. One mention of a friend or acquaintance getting married, and the next question is, Vera, when are you getting married? When are we going to come and eat your own rice?<\/em> As if I even promised to serve rice at my wedding.<\/p>\n

It was annoying then to be asked the same question over and over, especially when I was not ready for marriage or thinking about marriage. Even when I was dating Igwe, I was not really thinking about marriage. I was more concerned about other things, like money, career, etc. That said, as soon as people know that you’re married, the next thing is, so when are you having a baby?<\/em> What are you waiting for to have a baby? When are we going to come for your own naming ceremony?<\/em> Well, first of all, I’m Igbo, so I cannot promise a naming ceremony. It’ll only happen if Igwe wants it.<\/p>\n

Some people go as far as saying things like, “I hope Igwe isn’t shooting blanks …”<\/em> Seriously??? If that were even the case, would I be saying yes, he is when you ask the question? Now that I think of it, perhaps I need to shock someone and say, yes oh, he’s been shooting blanks. But we’re working on getting a volunteer. Would you\/your husband be interested in getting me pregnant?<\/em>\u00a0 Seriously, all it makes me think about is people who may have fertility issues and how incredibly offensive and hurtful these questions will be to them. For me, it’s not hurtful at all, but I do find them annoying and sometimes offensive.<\/p>\n

When it comes to the issue of having babies, I just never ask anyone when they’ll be having babies because it’s such a sensitive and personal question, and you don’t know what’s going on with people. In the same way, unless a woman is visibly pregnant beyond any doubt, I will never assume that she is and congratulate her or touch her belly or anything like that. Ask Funmie about the time she touched someone’s belly and congratulated her on being pregnant and the girl told her that she actually wasn’t pregnant. Uhm, awkward much? But that’s what Funmie gets for being a busy body. It could be anything inside that belly: gas, food, fat, fibroid, remnants of a miscarried baby — anything. So don’t ask. Don’t touch. Don’t congratulate. Unless you know for sure.<\/p>\n

And of course, there is such a distinct difference between the way Nigerian people ask me these questions and the way Americans ask. Nigerians will ask, WHEN<\/strong> are you having a baby? WHY<\/strong> haven’t you had a baby? WHAT<\/strong> are you waiting for to have a baby?<\/em> So aggressive and interfering. Americans ask me, DO<\/strong> you plan on having babies? WOULD<\/strong> you like to have babies? Questions that you can answer without wanting to give the person an uppercut.<\/p>\n

Babies are great, and I believe that they are gifts from God, but the reality is that not everyone wants to have babies. Some people just want to live their lives. Some couples just want to love themselves and not worry about raising people and all that stuff, and that’s just fine. Some other couples want to have babies, but they want to experience life with just each other a little bit more. Considering my several mentions of my obsession with having confusingly identical twin boys, you should know that I am not one of the people who don’t want children. But I am definitely one of the people who will never, ever answer silly questions about when I’ll have a baby. My friend, Solachi keeps asking me when I’ll have a baby, and I have told her several times that unless she’s the one who will be getting me pregnant, I don’t want to discuss getting pregnant with her. Period.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have been wanting to blog about this for a while, but I couldn’t blog about it because I hadn’t blogged about our marriage yet. Now that I have [see here], let me tell you the immense and incredible pressure that I and my womb have been under. 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