Remember That Liquid Diet?

I failed. Woefully at that. But I have an excuse. You’ll want to read this, trust me. It all started on Tuesday morning as planned. I was doing well, like I mentioned in the post. As of 4:38 PM, the only thing I had eaten was still a banana, and I was not hungry. I was determined to continue until end of the day. That was until I spoke to Igwe.

He said he wanted to eat pepper soup. Remember the only reason I picked Tuesday was because I knew I would not be cooking? Well, he said he wanted pepper soup. He said he wanted fish pepper soup with sliced onions and tomatoes. And I asked, “Do you want fish pepper soup or fish stew?” He said fish pepper soup. I said, “I’ve never seen or heard of fish pepper soup with sliced tomatoes and onions.” Abi my people, correct me, if I’m wrong.

He said, “Fine. Cook it the way you want. But I want fish pepper soup. Tonight.” I begged. Pleaded. Cajoled. Even rolled on the ground (okay, this one is a lie), that we cook this fish pepper soup on Wednesday (today), but he insisted that he wants it today. I said, “But you know I’m on the liquid diet plan. I can’t eat solids.” To which he said, “You don’t have to. I’ll eat the fish and you’ll drink the water.” Yeye!! Me, Vera Ezimora … I’ll slave to cook the fish and then I’ll drink only the water? When craze no dey catch me?

He laughed and said, “Well, you can eat one fish.” I explained to him that one fish was not an option, that the diet – according to Uju – called for no solids whatsoever, apart from fruits. In fact, Uju specifically told me that I’m not allowed to have pepper soup with meat or fish in it. He then said, “But it’s just one fish.” I was silent, so he went on, “Just one fish. Will it really hurt? Think about it. Just one.” It’s like when the devil is tempting you and saying, “Just kiss him. One single kiss. Will it really hurt? It’s not like you’ll catch a disease from it. And you definitely won’t get pregnant. Okay, just a peck on the cheek.  Fine, how about a hug?” And then you go ahead and give the hug that becomes a peck that becomes a tongue kiss that has you waking up naked, thinking, what have I done? It didn’t happen to me.

That was how I found myself at the African store with the intention of buying on fish and pepper soup spice. I ended up buying those two … plus nchanwu leaves, ukazi leaves, powdered Peak milk, and a loaf of bread. Do not fret. The milk and bread were not for the pepper soup.  By the time I came home, I had already given up on my diet, so I ate a granola bar. Okay, fine. I ate three  granola bars.

My two pieces of fish. I cut them into two each and then I skinned them. Can’t stand the fish skins. They’re so slimy and slippery and ugh.

So yeah, my diet failed. I came home and cooked the fish pepper soup – without the slices of tomatoes and onions, but complete with the nchanwu and ukazi leaves.  When I was done cooking, I served him three pieces of fish and I served myself two. Then I finished eating and ate a third one. He went for a second round, too. I don’t even know how many. The good news is that in the process of eating this pepper soup, I did in fact consume a lot of liquid. The bad news is that I also consumed solids.

Oh, well.