I Saw A Dog’s Penis

I know you may not find this particular news very interesting, but for me, it had my mouth hanging open for several minutes. Until a few days ago, I had never, ever, ever seen a dog’s penis.

It was Oscar the dog. I don’t know what breed of dog he is, but left to right, he is long, and top to bottom, he is short. If you’re confused by my description, don’t sweat it. I’m confused too.

Oscar looks sorta like this — without the clothing.

Anyway, Oscar has a wife and a daughter, and I have seen him humping them both several times – not at the same time.

On this particular day, he was humping his wife as usual, and I was not paying any particular attention to him until I thought I saw something pink. I did a double take and it was gone. Then I saw it again. Oh. My. Word. It looked like a carrot. It basically reared its head out of the skin (the part I originally thought to be the penis). The only reason I could see it was because he had not yet successfully penetrated his wife. He was humping her doggy style (I also now see why it’s called doggy style), but his penis was resting on her back. Someone needs to give Oscar a GPS to find his way into the milky dungeon.

With the exception of the color, this penis looked like a man’s penis. Well, it was smaller, thinner, and slightly shorter. Of course, I have never seen an actual man’s penis. I only make this comparison out of sheer imagination and partly because of the Anatomy and Physiology classes I took in college.

His wife tried to fight him off, but Oscar wouldn’t budge. He was ready to get it by hook or by crook, and he did not care who was watching. “Oscar, you dirty dog you! How can you try to penetrate her with that thing?” Oscar is hung. I don’t know what the average penile length and girth is for a dog his size, but he had me stunned at his package. How a dog his size could be packing so much amunition down there is beyond me.

I told Mr. Verastic about it and he was more stunned that I had never seen a dog’s penis. In the decade plus years that I have lived here, I’ve never owned a dog. Owning a dog here is a serious commitment that I have not been able to make. And in the years I lived in Nigeria, both our dogs were bitches – literally. My husband and I are gonna own two German Shepherd dogs, and I already know their names. I say that with so much confidence, I know.

I want to end this post by soliciting your thoughts on dogs’ penises, but I’m not sure what kind of conversation I’ll be encouraging. So I’ll end instead by reminding you of Midnight Bluez which is set to go live on Monday, March 5th – just 7 more days! The questions are coming in, and they are Verastic to say the least. Send yours here.