I got this as a forwarded message from Funmi on the 25th of April 2003, and I have kept it since then because I laugh every time I read it. Enjoy my people.
A Nigerian business tycoon was at a social gathering where other monguls and wealthy men were present. The Igbo businessman looked for all ways to oppress the other rich men who were present at the gathering. Just for this foolish reason, he sent for his driver and had this conversation with him:
“Driver, go to my house, not the green one, the red one. Not the red one in Ikoyi, the red one in Victoria Island. Not the one in Adeola Odeku, the one on Etim Iyang Crescent. Not No 22, but No 11. It is a black gate you will see, fling it open. You will see a green Honda Civic. Perpendicularly, adjacently opposite to the Civic is a blue Toyota Carina E. It is not that one. Trigonometrically, geometrically, hypotenously 90 degrees to the 306 is a Mazda 929. It is not that one. The Mazda is very close to a regular Benz, the regular Benz is behind a 406, the 406 is beside Volvo S40 which is in front of a Honda Accord blocking a Toyota RAV4 opposite a Honda CRV. That makes a crescent to the Prado Jeep. On getting to the Prado Jeep, make a diagonal sharp turn to the left extreme right top corner, on your way to where I parked the M-Class, very close to the E-Class in front of the Beast at the back of the swimming pool is a lovely S. Type Jaguar. Don’t touch the bonnet. Go to the boot, fling it open. You will see red, white and blue briefcases. The red one contains dollars, 10 million dollars. Don’t touch it. The blue contains pounds, 8 million pounds. Don’t touch it. The white one contains Naira, 500s, 200s, 100s, 50s, 20s, 10s denominations. I arranged them in hierarchical order. 500 Nairas in first layer, 200 Nairas in second, 100 Nairas 3rd layer, 50 Nairas 4th layer, 20 Nairas 5th and 10 Nairas top floor. Take one 10 Naira. Go and use it to buy pure water, and don’t forget to bring my change!”
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Speaking of Igbo people sef, abeg my people, tell me: isn’t there something wrong with the fact I am responsible for Uju’s period? I mean, I have to keep a time table of her period on MY calendar because Uju doesn’t know how 2 count her period….at this her age o! Her mates don born pikin finish and Uju is still relying on Vera to count her period. Yesterday, she sent me a text with the starting & ending date of her period, so I can record them. I kuku didn’t bother arguing. I just did like a humble dog and recorded the thing. By the end of the month, she would send me another text that would say, “Vera, when is OUR period coming?” Can you imagine? “OUR”?? When did we start geography that we’re drawing map? Ehn my people, when did period become a ‘we’ and ‘our’ thing?
In short, I don’t blame Uju sef. I blame my period. Yes, I blame it for ALWAYS comin @ the same time as Uju’s period. Hers always starts a day b4 mine, but we always end on the same day. She runs for six days, while I run for five days. See this kin punishmemnt o. Anyways, it’s all good sha.
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I finally put the links up to the blogs I read…yay! I guess you could say I got tired of typing in the wrong address. On LondonBuki’s page, I noticed she arranged all her links in an alphabetical order, so I was thinking…nawa oh, this girl really has time, but after thinking about it, I realized it was a lot better and easier sef cause then one wouldn’t have 2 go thru my whole list looking for one link. You get the point sha, abi?
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Remember how I said I’m writing a short story which I will publish/post in chapters? The name was originally ‘I Must Be Married’, but in order to broaden the story, I changed the name to ‘Woman Palava’. i hope it is positively accepted my most sha. Of course, I don’t expect every1 to like it. Shit, even Jesus sef had enemies. I am merely a human being.
Anywayz. thats all 4 now. Gud Nite.
You’re in charge of uju’s period? lol. there is definitely something wrong with that. so what else are you in charge of?
LOL @ the Igbo Man joke!!! Funny though, on Sunday, my friend said Yoruba ppl are show offs… and she is Yoruba. I think it’s Nigerians in general… LOL!!!
Let any friend of mine try me and ask me to keep track of “our” period!!! Let her try!!! I hope Uju appreciates you well well.
Haba, so you think I have time to be arranging stuff on my blog? I am offended oh… It’s true though, I have TIME!!! LOL!!!
Ok we’ve heard, you’ve changed the name to Woman Palava… can you please put it up SOON? 😉
Lol.. i’m exactly like that your friend oh… my best friend tracks my period for me cos i’m 20 and i’ve been doing it for a couple years now but I still can never remember when my period is.. so I ask my best friend cos strange enough our periods come within two days of each other even though it used to be 10 days apart when we started being friends 4 yearz ago.. i heard the closer you are to your friends and if you spend more time with them.. your periods begin to coincide.. and this has happened to me with 3 different friends.. hmmm
LOl @ the igbo joke.. my friend told me that joke before.. i actually printed it out cos I had to let all my friends read and just laugh their heads off
Put up this thing make we read oh.. we dey await!!!
@ anonymous: do you really wanna know wat else I keep track of? LOL
@ LondonBuki: My sistah, make you dey patient with me now, ehn. I just need to edit one last thing (and right now, the person holding me is Calabar Gal cause there’s an info I requested from her).
Overwhelmed NaijaBabe, so you and Uju are the same ehn? Oga o. What can I say? Thanks for stopping by sha; I’ll hurry up & put the story up. How body?
I would like to exchange links with your site http://www.blogger.com
Is this possible?