Lately, my nipples have become advanced. They’re like Vera’s nipples 2.0! They seem to have evolved and gotten technologically, environmentally, emotionally, crazily in tune with the higher powers of Nipple-o-city. In other words, they have become very sensitive to everything, and I don’t know why. Sometimes, I don’t even know what everything means.
Naturally, these nipples get hard when the temperature drops around them — like when I step outside and it’s cold, like when the air conditioner stays on longer than it should, or like when I hang around the ice cream aisle too long. Sometimes, a chilling story can have the same effect on them — like when I heard the story about the burnt-face man who was blessed with a gorgeous wife, but for whatever reason, could not (still cannot) control his libido around other women. That’s a chilling story, no?
Lately, however, my nipples have gone buck wild. They no longer get hard during these isolated times. They seem to get hard every time. I don’t even know what compels them anymore. Whether it’s hot or cold, they are hard. Whether I’m hearing a chilling story or watching a political ad campaign, they still get hard. In the comfort of my bedroom and in the congregation of my church, they get hard. Under a polyester bra and under a thick padded bra, they get hard … and still manage to poke through my layers of clothes.
It has now become a matter of embarrassment. Those that know about my condition are constantly watching out for their hardness – which naturally, happens at the most inappropriate places and at the most inappropriate times. It’s only when I see the strange stares or hear the muffled giggles that I realize my two puppies are out there, sending a message that I have not told them to send.
And, of course, I sometimes get the subjective question, “But Vera, what are you thinking about?” No matter what I say in response to this question, I am already guilty in the eyes of my asker, which is always evident by the smile on his/her face and the rapid up-and-down movement of his/her eyebrows. It’s almost a rhetorical question because the asker swears he/she already knows what is on my mind. There’s apparently no thought on the face of the earth that would make a girl’s nipples hard — apart from thoughts of sex. Or thoughts of him – whoever he may be. He just may be Jesus, but no one would believe that anyway.
I could keep doing what I have been doing to reduce my embarrassment: crossing my arms across my chest. But I can only sit or stand in this position for so long. So what’s a girl to do? Putting a picture up would have been splendid, I’m sure, but we’re trying to reduce my humiliation here.
Hahahahaha. LWKMD.
Now tell me, when did you say you were going to visit again?
I have a good idea that might work…
Get it sucked faaassssst!
-HD
oh oh! hope you are not preggars, this happened to me…not trying to scare you, just saying
hmm, Vera hope u are not pregnant oh
LoL. Thanx for the heads up! This winter should be fun. Or not. All those jackets!!!
I would have said "try a padded bra" but if this still happens even when u r wearing one, then I'm at a loss for words…the only other thing (besides cold)that I'm aware could cause this, is your period…
lol!!!!!only vera!!!!but i suspect preggars jor!
I was going to ask what their eyes were doing there (the guys) and why i's not them looking for the wrong reasons, but you got me thinking.
Part of us automatically checks the chest to determine gender, or so I think.
Is a pregnancy test imminent?
WOW!!!! I noticed it on sunday too… lol , sorry oh! try getting laid 🙂
Mschew, who is complaining? Upload the pics jor!
Don't make me come back here without seeing dem nipples pointing at me!
I may lead a movement o – The People's Democratic Front for the Viewing of Vera's Glorious Nipples (PDFVVGN) Ok, that's a long one.
Hi Vera, I totally understand what you are going through. Have you tried nipple covers? (I hope that is what they are called?) It can be a bit of wahala. Info on any other thing you have tried will be indeed helpful.
As an occasional fellow sufferer, it may be hormones. Have you noticed any other changes to your body recently? It will pass soon enough.
As an occasional fellow sufferer, it may be hormones. Have you noticed any other changes to your body recently? It will pass soon enough.
What else have you not told us??? Me thinks you have started "maturing"…
hahaha, It's only you!
Uh huh, I second "the try getting laid idea" 😀
Or maybe it's just the cold.
LOL I don't think its something serious maybe the cold is just too much.
Dear Child,
Are you pregnant?
Please reply….
Yours Sincerely;
Nutty J
Alooooooooooobaba: You dey craze finish. You form political party on top Veraa nipple. You still blog?
LEG.
"…what I say in response to this question,…" maybe you should just say.
Who is this Anonymous person? "Leggy"?
Somebody: LOL. What does my time of visitation have to do with this post, ehn? lol. As for the good idea, pray, do tell.
Anonymous: LOL. I would have been surprised if no one suggested that I get them sucked. Somehow, I am convinced that that would not solve my problem.
Anonymous2: Uhm… thank you oh (for not trying to scare me) lol. Thankfully, I'm not scared. I'm not pregnant. Definitely not.
JobsForNaija: Chei! I am not pregnant oh, biko! lol
Sugar King: More like NOT. Yeah, all those jackets … imagine that. I don't know what my nipples and I are gonna do. God dey sha.
Anoda Phase: I have paid attention to see if this happens solely during my period, and apparently, it doesn't. It happens all the time.
T. Notes: Lai lai. Biko, carry your pregnancy commot joh! lol
Azuka: Yeah, right! A part of men automatically checks out women's chest, but it's definitely not for gender. They already know the gender, and that is why they look @ the chest.
Myne: No, it is not! In fact, I should be asking you that question sef. LOL.
Femi: First of all, what were you doing noticing my nipples in church? Secondly, no, I do not want to get laid to fix this! Femi, I'll wound you oh.
Aloofar: Hahahahaha. You're a mad man, walahi. You want to start a movement for my nipples. You never serious sef! Oya come now, and I'll show them to you. *Insert long hiss* lol
Anonymous3: Thank you, jare. And no, I have not tried nipple covers. I have bras that are padded, and I have a bra that has "in-built" pasties or something like that, but it doesn't help still. Oh, well, I'll keep trying. Per what I done, I will type up another post (check back tomorrow).
LusciousRon: Uhm … no other changes really. I mean, I have suddenly become more obsessed with looking @ myself in the mirror. Barely hormonal. LOL.
Rita: LOL. Biko, what does "maturing" mean? Because from the looks of things, my body is done maturing.
Juanita: Of course you second the getting laid idea. LOL. See your mouth.
Shorty: I hope so oh! Except that it's strange when it's not cold and they still get hard. Oh, well.
Nutty J: Dear Nutty J, I am not pregnant. I am NOT pregnant. I am NOT pregnant.
Anonymous4 (LEG): Abi oooo! Help me ask him oh! He had the nerves to form a movement for my own nipples. Imagine the likeness.
Rethots: I will tell you what I say in response … in the next post.
Aloofar: I am not completely sure, but I think so.
Oh I have that problem all the time….that's why I only wear padded bras.
Really, you do? Well, I feel much better. Send me a picture, though. Lemme know exactly what you mean. Tehehe.
You may have to start cellotaping your nipples –lol
My dear, I have certainly thought about that. I remember at one point in my life, I used to tape my breasts up (for the sake of wearing open-back blouses). *Shaking my head*
I never cease to be amazed by the revelations I see on this page. lol.
Sorry ooo.wish I could think of something to solve you shooting stars problem….
That’s the spirit! I don’t want you to ever stop being amazed. And lol @ shooting stars problem. Couldn’t have thought of a better name.
SMH Vera. lol
Shaking my head too oh. LOL.
Vera, Vera, Vera!! How many times did I call your name? You won't kill me for my Mama!
If your genetically modified nipples are beating even a padded bra then it is time to invest in a wide range of pashminas. They can be elegantly draped over your chest, even indoors and it will look like you are just being stylistic.
You called my gorgeous name three times. As for the pashminas, no, I don’t want! I reserve my right to show off my genetically modified nipples. How dare you call them genetically modified? LOL.
Try stuffing your padded bra with some cotton pads (the round shaped one used for cleaning the face)around the nipple area.
It gets a little tricky though, as you have to ensure that the pads are not visible through he bra. It works for me.
C.O. really?????????????????? Never, ever thought of that! Will definitely give it a try. Thanks, babe!! How body? Yes, I know my comment is two months late. LOL.
Your own better!
Mine becomes painful..
But I think it all you.
Maybe your hormones are working overtime..
I'm thinking you should de-stress
Awww @ the pain. Sorry, my dear. That can’t be good. De-stressing definitely sounds very good. What to do, what to do?
Lol @ Caramel D. Yes, maybe buy some pashminas. And it's getting cold now so no one will ask questions. But then again, if these nipples have overcome a padded bra and a shirt, a pashmina is no match for their determination.
Don’t mind Caramel. What does she know anyway? But am I gonna be wearing a pashmina every single day? Which kin thing be that one na?
Vera, the Bible says that if a man so much as looks at a woman lustfully he has sinned.Every sunday, when i see you , i Struggle with this "word". Now all i see or think about is those stubborn delicious …OMG… here i go again.Vera see what you have caused. Anyway , just remember that he who causes his brother to sin or think about hard stubborn , yet succulent nipples is ……
LOL! So you’re saying it’s my fault that you’re lusting after my grapes? Mba oh. I wash my hands off your lusting spirit. Lai, lai. I cannot be responsible.