To Lupita Nyong’o, With All Kinds Of Love

Lupita hot-damn Nyong’o!

I’ll just go straight to the point: congratulations on acquiring the film rights to Chimamanda’s book, Americannah. That’s the first part of this post. The second part is: when are you going to make the movie, and what will be my part in it?  Let me confess: I am yet to read the book. It’s very strange that I have not read it considering that the book is about a blogger AND I’ll read anything Chimamanda writes. I’ll buy the alphabets if Chimamanda writes them. She’s that good.

So there I was sitting on my cheap couch and thinking about where my life is going when it occurred to me that I have an option that I am yet to explore: you. You have bought the writes to the movie that I was planning on buying with my imaginary money, so the least you can do is include me in this project. I have acting skills that no one has ever seen, but if you say that I cannot act in this movie, then what else can I do? May I be your water girl? May I be your human fan? May I be your shadow? What about your Nigerian personal pesin? My job as your Nigerian personal pesin would be to be by your side during the shooting of this movie and be completely Nigerian. Some selfies may be required.

I love you, Lupita. I don’t understand the depth of this love (and I don’t even know what qualifies it as love), but I know that I feel something pretty serious for you (I’m toasting you right now), and just like with Chimamanda, you’re my friend in my head. We have so much in common! Think, Lupita, think. Imagine what kind of greatness you and I will accomplish. We’ll be the dynamic duo. Lupita and Vera. It rhymes in my head, and you can’t convince me otherwise. Lupita and Vera = Luvera. A match made in heaven.

Lupita, let’s do this. I’m waiting for your call.